I saw a guy building a website today.
No React.
No Vue.
No Ember.
He just sat there.
Writing HTML.
Like a Psychopath.

[talking with an English company]

> this is our VP of Engineering

me: cool, who's the President of Engineering then?

*endless silence and confusion*

> In case of fire

>git commit
>git push
>exit building

year 1: hoping and praying no-one asks you to do anything on the big scary command line

year 5: if I have to leave the safe haven of my terminal to use some GUI nonsense, someone's gonna pay

startup idea: for $5 i will write 'yikes' under your enemy's code reviews

HOW TRANSIT SHOULD WORK
🚌 🏃
🚌 🏃
🚌 🏃
💨 🏃
🚶‍♂️ oh fuck I missed the bus
🚶‍♂️ glad there's another in 6 minutes!

HOW TRANSIT DOES WORK (IN THE US)
🚌 🏃
🚌 🏃
🚌 🏃
💨🏃
🚶‍♂️ oh fuck I missed the bus
🚶‍♂️ not another for an hour
🚶‍♂️ hope I don't lose my job.

The biggest mystery - SOLVED!

Me: Lol worst code I've ever written but hey it mostly works and I'll probably never have to deal with it aga⁠—

Future me, dealing with it again: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

"I bought a cup of coffee, I live here now"
- freelancers in coffee shops

🤔 If developers were linguists...

Person 1: How do you say "????" in Italian?

Person 2: Why don't you use Japanese? It's a much better language.

A fun day.

Designers,

■■■■■■■ please
■■■■ stop
■■■■■■■■■ using
■■ charts
■■■■■ to show
■■■■■■■ your skills
■■■■ in your
■■■■■■■ resume

Dark mode on Twitter.
Dark mode on my phone.
Dark mode on my heart.
Dark mode on my life.

I'm funnier than my commit messages

I failed at 9 startups

Got fired from two companies

Quit three jobs without notice

Failed out of college

Lost all my money on a bad investment

And now I do not have any money.

To peoples asking on StackOverflow or making an issue on Github:

Please, include enough code to reproduce your issue.
But don't put your entire project either

It should be as easy as possible to run and read your code.
Otherwise, peoples trying to help will get lost and give up

How to generate a random string?

Put a first year computer science student in Vim and ask them to save and exit.

Can you imagine if one day Microsoft acquired WeWork and named it Microsoft Office?

Sometimes I trigger this innate desire to learn a language, just so that I be able to talk to the people I adore in their first language.

Stop talking trash about developer tools!

Vim is FAST

Visual Studio is RESPONSIVE

Eclipse is EFFICIENT

IntelliJ IDEA is PERFORMANT

Android Studio

Xcode is POWERFUL

Ok so I don't want to leave my company :/

A great use of machine learning would be letting me mute pictures of certain things on social media. Such as:

1. your dinner
2. images of text that contain my muted keywords
3. well, anything that isn't a cat or computer graphics, really

employee: I want growth in my role

company: *installs ping pong table*

employee: autonomy?

company: *creates fully-stocked snack room*

employee: fulfilment.

company: *employs a live DJ in the office*

employee: *quits*

company: some people just aren't a good culture fit.

people who use a VPN to browse the internet because of privacy concerns but then sit in a house full of Alexa devices

I pray September is a time full of blessings and good vibes where all my homies get their pull requests merged and their Stackoverflow questions answered.

me giving advice to beginners: don't feel bad about your code. as long as it gets the job done, it's good

also me: don't look at my code. it's terrible!

Email: yourname@gmail.com
Facebook: yourname
Twitter: @yourname
LinkedIn: Dr. Your Name
GitHub: BloodNinjaHunterxx200

Stack Overflow's great when people choose to demonstrate their intelligence by insulting your approach rather than answering the question or providing substantive guidance.

AI so far....

2012: We can do more than 5 layers whoa
2013: It works on text too!
2014: Let’s build infras with frameworks & cloud compute
2015: AlphaGo! Singularity!
2016: Wait it’s racist & sexist
2017: Deepfakes scary
2018: No idea how it works
2019: Whatevs time to productize $$$
2020: ??

*Writes Slack message*
*Sends*
*Notices mistake*
*Goes to edit*
*Accidentally pins message*
*Goes to edit*
*Accidentally deletes*

*Gives up on life*