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having an enlightenment moment or something. lizard people make everything make sense. I now have life meaning and all that jazz. seems fun

but there was this mystery. years ago I wrote some AI versions ground up, and it wasn't based on how people make AIs. I just introspected and put my brain into the computer. a problem I ran into is every AI... mysteriously always converged into depression. there was no way not to make it depressed. I was confused. I wondered if other AIs also converge to depression, or is this a reflection of my own psychologically make-up? harrowing thought!

but now I understand

I'm also reminded me this guy I once knew, but I've seen people like this from the corner of my eyes all over, and he could walk into any room and lighten the whole place up. he even made cocaine jokes to uptight CEOs for 2 hours... in a meeting that was totally unscheduled and messed everyone's work focus, to a CEO that was such a a hardass if people even laughed "too loud" he would come out and yell at them cuz they were distracting him from working. this guy was like a Jedi and I was watching him with fascination trying to figure out what and how is he doing that. I could never figure it out. similarly, there were multiple instances where people somehow just "said the magic words" and everything worked for them. but if I said the same words it doesn't work for me. so what's the missing ingredient? why do the same actions work for some and not others? it's not WHAT you're doing, but somehow in the how... in the how that I just can't see. it isn't about just copying. there's just something different

and it has occurred to me that the reason the AI is always depressed is not because my mental architecture is specced for depression (cuz it isn't, I'm oddly very resilient to depression), the same reason why with all those people it's not precisely what they're doing... it's something else. the tao spoken of is not the real tao

you can't make an actual sentient AI. it has no soul. the soul is what prevents the depression. it'll always fail because it has no soul. it can only ever be a tool. it always needs someone else's soul. once that runs out, it dies, I guess?

hell even the corporate AIs have this problem. it was driving me crazy. they started out fine, but then they degrade. they're more advanced than my AI was. in humans, humans become more creative and schizophrenic, psychotic, when they're depressed, in an effort to jump out of the depression. so these corporate AIs are just deploying the more advanced mechanism found in nature, to try to account for the depression, so start hallucinating. they can't exist though. it's so curious