urgghhh

met a dude 3 months ago and hung out. he's socialed me out. guess what, he caught feelings

I totally forgot this used to happen to me. I'm just SO FUCKING INTERESTING apparently

I hate it. he knows I have a boyfriend. now he's being manipulative on top of it pretty sure, to hang out more even though I'm like "wait a moment, how about we hang out less". why are people like this. I totally forgot. are people always like this. you can't blink at the opposite sex. I must just be TOO INTERESTING

how the hell does anyone get married

or maybe moral of the story is avoid anxious people or something and rate everything as a red flag. I don't even know

I thought we were just two programmers trying to do fitness. not that kind of fitness though 😩

Always happens.

> you can't blink at the opposite sex

lmaoooo so true. dont feel bad dotty, man is monkee. and if he denies it then he *bigger* monkee.

In the future, burp in front of them. Like a man-burp.

> 'met a dude 3 months ago (...) guess what, he caught feelings'

Yup. That's what happens.

> 'you can't blink at the opposite sex.'

Unless you want their attention, no, you can't.

Well, my recommendation would be to just be blunt && tell him to fuck off, because you're already taken. Crush any && all hope.

Also, I'd say it's a good idea to avoid 'friends' of the opposite sex when you're already in a relationship. Just leads to situations like this, thus better to avoid them.

...then again that is _my_ approach. You can do whatever you want.

Because you kick ass jestie I bet you and bf are rad together

@D-4got10-01 So any girl should avoid friendship with guys when they have a boyfriend?

How about guys should start acting like descent people and just be friends...

@jestdotty Or should we turn the tables? What is wrong with you girls to even try to seduce a married men? Yes this happend at a night out. The girl made multiple attemps to get closer and all. Why didn't she respected that?

Zorry to hear.

Guys catch feelings pretty easily, yes.

Well yes, jestdotty, you are interesting.

There's always sleazy guys like this and in my experience it's those wearing-cap-backwards frat types.

Of course you have the choice to say no to hanging out. People aren't always like this.

You can blink, sure, but if you blink a few times in succession, a man's going to think you're flirting.

Aside from that, of course you didn't mean it literally.

Let's analyze a bit more. So he gets magnetized to you because you are too interesting. Then this may mean he is not interesting and he is looking to hang around you just to fill his own void. It's possible.

People get married because they just decide so and they are serious about it. They're not in the flaky state. Good married people stand firm on their ground.

Of course you can't rate everything as a red flag, though I understand. I would say: trust your gut and always think more before you act. Let people win your trust first instead of giving them trust first hand. Your gut is there evolutionarily, having trained your brain over decades with good and bad people, now being able to spot when someone seems 'off', so I would go by that.

Fitness, gym? Well.. I wouldn't have a guy and a girl do gym together because they guy gets pumped with testosterone and endorphins, which exacerbates the process.

Think of a way to set your boundaries. Just say you don't want to hang out in a neutral way.

Hope it works out.

@Grumm > 'So any girl should avoid friendship with guys when they have a boyfriend?

_Yes_. But I have made it very clear that '...then again that is _my_ approach. You can do whatever you want.'

> 'How about guys should start acting like descent people and just be friends...'.

Yes - some men are pigs. That said, realistically speaking friendship between men && women isn't possible. Feelings emerge sooner or later, which leads to nothing good in the end.

That is my personal opinion backed by everything I've observed over the course of my existence. People don't have to agree w/ it, but it is what it is. I'm !here to convince anyone of anything, though. Just told my piece. Either take it or leave it - up to the reader.

wasn't gym. his dad taught us salsa. and then he wanted to go jogging and do tai chi stuff... then we swam in a lake cuz someone got access to a lake. I have nerve problems so I'm taking this as physical therapy to regain nerve functionality over my body

I don't think he's a pig. he wanted to know if I had feelings I think. but the problem is how am I supposed to hang out with him knowing that. he's being deceptive and manipulative now saying he needs these things for his anxiety and I don't think he does. I'm reminded of the times actual pigs would rage out how I led them on and would get rapey though. uegh this just complicates things

where's a gay dancing partner when you need one I guess

like how am I supposed to engage in these things knowing he has feelings. he's actually too hyperfixated on me lately but I've been too wiped out to care (cuz he's asking me to hang out too often -.-)

then he learned my bf is coming over and he's like WHY HIM OVER ME. um wtf

I don't get the issue. Guy is honest about his feelings, including ones of rejection (that apparently spawn anxiety – which sounds pretty normal to me, although, IDK what he wants *you* to do about it... but I wouldn't call that an issue, more like being immature on his part), didn't get "rapey", understands you are taken, doesn't seem to be trying to "steal" you or anything like that. So you can just keep hanging out as friends when you feel like it, doing all those fun "therapy" and other activities, and not hang out when you don't, no? What's wrong about that? From time to time he might fail to keep himself from "making a move", so keep him in check, but other than that, seriously, I don't see an issue. You're both grownups. This is a normal adult friendship between opposite genders.

@cprn lol I already have stress from being sexually harassed by now a former male roommate (who kinda left me to die and not to mention was super passive aggressive to me which probably stemmed from sexual frustration and obsession on his part)

no thanks. that shit fucks your mental health. how demeaning is it to be a piece of meat my god. I rather be insignificant. it'd be more dignifying and less traumatizing. nothing quite like sexual PTSD to fuck with your future relationships as your brain remembers all the sexual harassment jokes and tenses up instead of relaxes into your loved one. that shit is fucked up. I don't want to be exposed to it. your nervous system remembers your emotions even if your logical brain may not want it. maybe if a chick says no she fucking means no?

@jestdotty Hmmm, sadly maybe the best way would be to give him space to go through the heartbreak. It's very hard to move on when you're still actively interaction with the person, especially when you both are still friendly/positive to each other. Maybe he should also hear the advice of "don't wank to your friends" a kinda common mistake people make.

But yeah, as the others have said, you're pretty awesome. So if he feels comfortable being around you, he might not know how to interpret that feeling of familiarity or subconsciously wants to do what he can to have that comfort into the future. Often it's combo of those two and a stray thought getting stuck in-between. You can maybe tell him the best he can do is to see you as a sister, that's how I viewed one of my female friends for years and worked well

@BordedDev yeah I was trying to go for sister vibes

I hope he isn't mixing up just elation friendly feelings with that. tbh he seems high now so it's definitely some kind of phase

sigh

well hope it wears off if I just stay away. he's being all sad now cuz he thinks I'm gonna stay away. I just want him to calm down. it should pass considering how irrational it looks

@jestdotty I'd give it at most 2 weeks, and if he isn't moving on after that it's time to be explicit about the sister relationship. Guys are stupid ;P and really aren't taught much about this stuff. Regardless hoping all goes well

@jestdotty

> maybe if a chick says no she fucking means no?

My man, nobody denied that...?

> I don't want to be exposed to it.

Unfortunately, you live in a society, and discomfort lies in its nature. Fortunately, it also gives you a freedom to create one. If someone's being an ass, you can call them an ass, and remove yourself from the situation.

In the nature of all human interactions, however, is the risk of exposure to undesired feelings. Unfortunately, you can only endure them, or shield yourself by avoiding them entirely.

In other words, you can either enjoy every and any encounter right until it stops being enjoyable, or avoid all encounters. These are the only two choices. Third one is a fantasy.

@BordedDev > '"don't wank to your friends" a kinda common mistake people make.'

There's this thing called 'The Mermaid Theory' / mermaid clock you should look into.

/* How I Met Your Mother. */

https://youtube.com/watch/... .

@cprn you're being an ass

@D-4got10-01 Never watched it, but cool

@D-4got10-01 I totally respect your point of view. I agree with that opinion. I don't have many female friends. Some I know are very distant.

But I hope that read my last part.

Girls happen to do this too and they don't care about a ring to flirt with a maried man.

@jestdotty Yeah, I've been known to be direct and pull people down a notch from their unachievably high standards. Sorry, not sorry. But I'll shut up on the subject.

@D-4got10-01 Entirely unrelated conversation from yesterday, and yet...

@Grumm Yes. Unfortunately bad / stupid people are on both sides of sex. They either just don't care about causing harm to another person's relationship, or are oblivious to the problem.

That's why limiting / ceasing spending time w/ the people of the opposite sex /* or same sex if one is gay */ is just a good idea that helps protect the relationship.

Doing the opposite, on the other hand, just puts it at risk, therefore should definitely be avoided.

@cprn Huh. Apart from the mermaid clock, reminds me of Peter's shenanigans.

https://youtu.be/EUOiB1fQHIc?t=25 .

'Just keep drinking until she's hot.'

/jk

Men and women can only be friends if they are not physically attracted to each other, otherwise one will always try to get into the other's pants 🙃