A wild Darwin Award nominee appears.

Background: Admins report that a legacy nightly update process isn't working. Ticket actually states problem is obviously in "the codes."

Scene: Meeting with about 20 people to triage the issue (blamestorming)

"Senior" Admin: "update process not working, the file is not present"
Moi: "which file?"
SAdmin: "file that is in ticket, EPN-1003"
Moi: "..." *grumbles, plans murder, opens ticket*
Moi: "The config dotfile is missing?"
SAdmin: "Yes, file no there. Can you fix?"
Moi: "Engineers don't have access to the production system. Please share your screen"
SAdmin: "ok"
*time passes, screen appears*
Moi: "ls the configuration dir"
SAdmin: *fails in bash* > ls

*computer prints*
> ls

Moi: *sees issues, blood pressure rises* "Please run list all long"
SAdmin: *fails in bash, again* > ls ?
Moi: *shakes* "ls -la"
SAdmin: *shonorable mention* > ls -la

*computer prints*
> ls -la
total 1300
drwxrwxrwx- 18 SAdmin {Today} -- _.legacyjobrc

Moi: "Why did you rename the config file?"
SAdmin: "Nothing changed"
Moi: "... are you sure?"
SAdmin: "No, changed nothing."
Moi: "Is the job running as your account for some reason?"
SAdmin: "No, job is root"
Moi: *shares screenshot of previous ls* This suggests your account was likely used to rename the dotfile, did you share your account with anyone?
SAdmin: "No, I rename file because could not see"
Moi: *heavy seething* so, just to make sure I understand, you renamed a dotfile because you couldn't see it in the terminal with ls?
SAdmin: "No, I rename file because it was not visible, now is visible"
Moi: "and then you filed a ticket because the application stopped working after you renamed the configuration file? You didn't think there might be a correlation between those two things?"
SAdmin: "yes, it no work"
Interjecting Director: "How did no one catch this? Why were there no checks, and why is there no user interface to configure this application? When I was writing applications I cared about quality"
Moi: *heavy seething*
IDjit: "Well? Anyone? How are we going to fix this"
Moi: "The administrative team will need to rename the file back to its original name"
IDjit: "can't the engineering team do this?!"
Moi: "We could, but it's corporate policy that we have no access to those environments"
IDjit: "Ok, what caused this issue in the first place? How did it get this way?!"

TFW you think you've hit the bottom of idiocy barrel, and the director says, "hold my mango lassi."

  • 34
    This is surreal. If that's my future working the in this industry I might as well kill myself right now, just to speed things up since it'd be inevitable.
  • 4
    @molaram aight that's it, I'm googling how to tie a noose
  • 1
    Wow this is hilarious 🤣
  • 13
    Don’t be so passive. You are letting people blame you (maybe to have an opportunity to rant about it?)

    Yes, the sys admin seems incompetent. So show leadership next time, and tell him clearly what needs to be done. Frame it as a ‘we’: “Let’s rename the file back to its original name. This issue was caused by a faulty config file. It’s not in the domain of engineering.” Make it clear what needs to be done and who will do it. Assign no blame. If communication is direct and clear, people will understand who is to blame. Always be solution oriented.
  • 3
    The director sounds like someone who has Alzheimer.
  • 5
    Good job not reading to the end and missing the entire point 👍
  • 1
    You have the best stories.
  • 3
    @SortOfTested Hmmmmm.
    Idiots everywhere....

    Suggest writing a cronjob that checks of the moronic sys admin logged in, and sends out an email that he did. Add his command history to the email. Say - it is a security audit feature...

    You are going to find Correlation timestamps with production issues...
    Use it as an early warning that something is going to get borked.
  • 5
    Just counting the days til I walk. Already declined renewal, now I'm just fulfilling obligation to them. Place is a fucking nightmare that just exists to pour money into IBM.
  • 2
    @molaram that was such a nice insult. It made me smile. That doesn't happen often :D
  • 0
    Time for the immutable server pattern
  • 0
    It feels like retardistan is basically any place where he fails upwards.
  • 0
    @molaram fortunately, I've to use my mouth to eat and to talk in a daily basis. My face can't harden itself that way. Thanks for worrying about my crack though
  • 1
    @mellowmymind she was not being passive, nothing in this rant says that she was in any way being passive. If you ask me she was stern and professional.
  • 1
    @rutee07 it got me good as well 10/10 @SortOfTeted is one of the best here
  • 1
    That is truly amazing

    How did that admin get to the position? Aren't they supposed to be competent because of the responsibilities they have and whatnot?
  • 2
    That story took a millimetre off my teeth.
  • 2
    Standard US scenario anymore.

    1. Old geezer hires vendor to staff most jobs so they can shift liability for failure to someone else
    2. Vendor assigns whomever they want to the project. Vendor is also greedy and cheap so they hire the cheapest, least qualified person they can justify.
    3. OG gets a fat retirement check for contributing so much "value," and is replaced by a vendor rep.

    As a bonus, OG's kids will never have full time employment, because tech job outsourcing to vendors is the new norm. OG's grandkids won't even be able to obtain gainful employment in the industry because foreign staffing vendors are allowed to operate as cartels chasing the lowest cost and controlling access. Local firms can't compete on those terms while paying scale wages, so they either exit the market, adopt the same behavior to cut costs, or partner with the cartels.

    Philosophy is a bitch sometimes: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/...
  • 0
    Nice rant exposing some global-scale-enterprise-level absurdity.
    I am so lucky, that smaller companies also have less absurdity (it is still there and annoying but it is orders of magnitude behind the big ones).
  • 0
  • 1
    i hope your reply to the last question was "sysadmin's complete incompetence"
  • 0
    Why did I read this with a french accent why do I want a mango lassi now?
  • 0
    Maybe we deserve extinction
  • 1
    "Retardistan"? That's just pure racism!
  • 2
    Retardanesia? Retarded States of Retardation? Retardalia? Retardica and Minor Outlying Drool Cups? I got a million of em 🥳
  • 2
    @SortOfTested when you include everyone in it, somehow it doesn't feel as racisty!
  • 2
    Everyone is equally retarded 😎
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