When my client asks why we can't code to avoid bugs on delivery

Client: it's very important that we go live with the app's sign up process.

Me: ...but the mobile apps aren't complete yet.

Client: Yes, but marketing says we need to start getting downloads and sign-ups so we get better ratings than our competitors.

Me: ...but the user won't be able to do anything.

Client: We'll add the rest later when we have users!

Client: We want to onboard people with sign-up wizard just like (Massive Industry Leader) so remove the sign-up process from the app.

1 week of development later...

Client: We need to take photos of their information, but we think its easier to take photos on the phone so once they sign-up link then to the phone.
Me: How will they get the apps if it not in the app stores?
Client: Get the apps approved for the app store! duh!

2 weeks later... 4 failed app submissions..

Client: Would it be easier if we just add the sign-up on the app?
Me: Yes... like it was 3 weeks ago?
Client: Yes! Why did we remove it?
Me: You did in an effort to be more like (Major Industry Leader)
Client: ....but we're nothing like them! Change it back!
Me: >•<!!!

I have to fire my client...

Hate being forced to jump back and forth between mutiple projects that use different languages, syntax, and IDEs. Feels like I'm juggling chainsaws and kittens.

*In the final weeks of development with a project on a short timeline because the client "needs it".*

Client: "We've hired a consultant we want you to work with."

Me: "Okay, can we push this to after the delivery?"

Client: "Of course"

Wake up to an email from the consultant with a list of scripts he just ran on the production database server for the currently live app.

Get follow-up emails about bugs and app crashes from the client.

My rage is so hot it can keep warm an Eskimo tribe over the winter season.

At a previous job I bumped heads with the IT person a lot because he would spread misinformation about technology so the owners would never replace him. This was conversation with the VP:

VP: Hey I just got a new security setup at my house and I can monitor everything with my phone.
Me: That's cool.
VP: I'm rethinking it because [IT guy] said it was very dangerous to have, what do you think?
Me: ....? What did he say was dangerous about it?
VP: He said hackers could then gain access to cameras and plan the perfect time to rob me since it's in the cloud.
Me: I seriously doubt anyone is planning an Ocean's 11 heist to steal your TV.
VP: Yea I thought it sounded weird when he told me.

Me: Could you please provide us with api key so we can add this feature?
Client's IT person: You don't need the api key to develop, their site has documentation so it's not a blocker. I will get you the api key when we are ready to go live.
Me: ...

Ionic
React Native
Mobile Angular
Xamarin
Onsen UI
Flutter
jQuery Mobile
Corona SDK
PhoneGap
Intel SDK
Kotlin Mobile...

I'm tired of this piece of shit!
Why are we hitting a nail with chainsaws?
If the hardware/os companies cannot come together to accept a single language, they can all go fuck themselves!!!

The joys of being a multi-project, multi-language developer! You think you'll juggle a couple of balls, but suddenly you're in a full-blown circus act, with chainsaws, flaming torches, and a monkey on your back yelling "more features!"

In the morning, you're all TypeScript: "Yes, of course, types make everything more reliable!" By lunch, you're neck-deep in Python and realize types are a vague suggestion at best, leaving you guessing like some bug-squashing mystic. And then just when you’ve finally wrapped your head around that context switch, FastAPI starts demanding things that make you wonder, "Why can’t we all just get along and be JavaScript?"

Oh, and don’t even get me started on syntax. One minute it’s req.body this and express.json() that. The next, Python’s just there with a smug look, saying, "Indentation is my thing, deal with it!" And don’t look now, because meanwhile, Stripe’s trying to barge in with a million webhooks, payment statuses, and event types like “connect” and “payment,” each a subtle bomb to blow up your error logs.

Of course, every language has its "elegant" way of handling errors—which, translated, means fifty shades of “Why isn’t this working?” in different flavors! But hey, at least the machines can’t see us crying through the screen.