My condolences, Europe.

F

I've been working on updates to a react app for a few hours today. Everything's been peachy except this shit job, this inane change demand list, my headache, my lack of quiet places to work, ... okay, so basically everything is terrible. But I've done lots of builds, and made lots of progress.

Then suddenly: my build script failed. 30 seconds after a successful build, with no (tooling) changes in between.

Reason? Incorrect version of Sass.
How? Fucking npm.

Isn't package-lock.json supposed to prevent this crap?

FAKDLKAUSUK.

Hey look, npm broke my project again. Surprise!

Code and dependencies on my local machine, all untouched for a couple of weeks, no longer works. I've no idea how it even managed that.

Oh, and `npm update` crashes.

eventually solved by upgrading npm and running `npm update --depth 500` because some arbitrary child dependencies changed without updating the parent packages, ofc. on my local machine. without me having run `npm update` for about a month.

because of course that makes sense.
Second time in two months, too.

isn't npm great?

Me: "Oh, I see the problem.... Ctrl ^C"

App: "Received interrupt signal. Ignoring."

Me: "That's not how this works. I tell you to quit, and you quit. M'kay pumpkin? ... Ctrl ^C Ctrl ^C Ctrl ^C ....."

App: "Received interrupt signal. Ignoring."
App: "Received interrupt signal. Ignoring."
App: "Received interrupt signal. Ignoring."

Me: "Stubborn piece of crap."

App: "Crash."

Pro Tip: If you're working Tier 1 tech support, before you start reading your script to the caller, be sure to let the caller complete at least one sentence to tell you what steps he's performed and what the error message is vs. what you're thinking it is. That'll save you from a lot of grief with your boss who will ask you why the customer was screaming at you on the call recording to SHUT UP FOR A SECOND SO I CAN FINISH TELLING YOU WHAT THE PROBLEM IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Client,

If you could go ahead and decide your product pricing instead of having me publish the wrong pricing and get all your customers excited only for them to see you double the price later? That'd be greeeeaaaat. M'kay?

P.S. I make money when you make money. You're gonna lose money now. Lots of it.

Hark! Hear the bells,
Sweet silver bells
All seem to say
Ding dong m'kay.

So SQL Cursors definitely suck. Got a one time data migration script that needs to migrate 3 million rows of data (which I misread as 300k)

Using cursors it would take 15 hours to complete. Ive just had to make the most disgusting script using recursion and a whole lot of CTE's but it now takes about 15 mins to do the same faff

I feel dirty just reading the script, but atleast it'll be dead and buried once it's been ran

TLDR Cursors bad, m'kay

!dev

If you driving a FUCKing Peugeot 107, don't FUCKing start to tailgate me, m'kay?!
Especially not on the highway imbecile fuckwit!

Because, I know for a fact that the rusty boneshaking rattletrap, that you call a car won't be able to overtake anyway!!

FUCKing dork, safety distance heard of it?

I bet my left nut, that you draw your drivers license in legoland.