My girlfriend comes in and sees me on devrant.

GF: "What is that app? I see you using it all the time. Is it like an endless blog with updates?"
Me: "It's kinda like facebook. But for developers. And you don't have any friends".
GF: "That seems like a sad app"

I once set a customers server on fire.
Litterally.
I put my laptop ontop of the server rack and the additional heat generated caused blue smoke to fill the room.
The whole building had to be evacuated.
Firetrucks came.
The customer eyeballed me quite a bit after he talked to the firemarshal regarding where the fire had originated.

Replace the teachers with no real world experience with part-time workers that are still active in IT.

I had this last year in my final year of vocational education and it was amazing, I had two teachers running their business two days a week and teaching us everything on the three remaining days.

I learnt about oop without dogs and cats, I learnt to extract information from invoices to be able to create an invoicing system without being misled by customers, and much more.

Second thing would also be something we did in my previous education. It was called "learning productively".

Basically, companies would give a project to the school and students could pick one to do for a few months. You had to have meetings with the customer, you had to give presentations and it wasn't another fucking calculator.

I've had the pleasure of working with a big corporation like this and learnt a ton in my first year.

These were extremely valuable, I think I'd still be a piece of shit developer without any knowledge on how to actually develop a full system and how to manage a project as a dev.

Peace

I've put my nose down the books regarding cryptology quite alot lately, and at the end of the day, I really think that Bob and Alice should just meet and talk in person.

Dear client / customer

You have been misled. The customer is not always right. The sooner you realise this and start listening to us as the consultants you hired the better things are going to get. If you were experts in how to do this stuff you wouldn't need us. Please recognise the skills.

Best regards
The design & development community

I think I misled Google because it just serves me German ads the last three weeks while I am Dutch.

I am not using a VPN.
I listen German music and watch some tutorials in German.
I rarely talk Dutch online and I talk quite a lot with Germans.

Visual Studio Font Selected: Comic Sans.

Challenge accepted.

So... Intense pillowtalk with the wife the other night regarding the coming enforcement of the new General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR) law in the EU after a while turns into nerdy dirty talk.

Me: *Whisper in a sleazy voice like the dirty malware that I am*: So... Why don't you just open up all your inbound firewall ports for me...
Her: Hell no... But I might just make an exception in the private domain just for you...

Damnit...

I'm kind of a perfectionist, which is one of the reasons why I don't post here very often.

I think that my posts have to be the most hilarious or creative ones to even be bothered to be read by anyone.

Now.. I'm kind of not sober, so I'll just write some idéas, jokes and rants in notes on my iPad.. Sleep, and get drunk again tomorrow and maybe post them...

Or maybe just delete this post and be ashamed tomorrow?

I at least posted this under the "Joke/Meme" tag so that people won't be offended, hopefully, by this "none-rant".

Customer complains that the deployed desktop app is slow at site x.
I check it out with users at site x, and indeed, it does have a delay when trying to connect to a share on a server.
Checks with users at site y and z, no issues.
After a bit of digging, the resolve of a DNS record is most likely the culprit.
Send the ticket to the customer network team to investigate.
Get it back after an hour.

"We have pinged the DNS name, and it responds fine, there must be a bug in the application".

Oh and also, I wrote this rant at work, in my head, with a lot more cursewords involed.

So I get home from work, sit down infront of my computer and start browsing a few sites.

The loading times was not as fast as they should so I checked out my network setup. I had been auto connected to my ISP provided modems WiFi, which happens every now and then, so I reconnect to my faster and better WiFi AP.

Invalid password. What? Ok.. Let me just type in the same password, slowly..
Invalid password. MF..... Same password, looking down at my keyboard.
Invalid password. GDMF...

Browse to my AP config site, type in username and password.
Invalid password. Oh no you fucking did not just deny me entry as well.
Ok. Something is up and I'm going to get to the bottom of this!

Boot up Kali, fires loads of crap at the WiFi and the site. Still no damn luck! WTH!
I go upstairs to my AP, turn it off and on again.

I can now login on both my AP WiFi and config page.
It had frozen.
Thats two hours of troubleshooting for a "have you tried turning it off and on again" solution.
I feel great about my competence after this.

Setting the deadlines according to the hours I actually think it's going to take to finish a project

I thought the issue was mostly with people in tech. But I now believe, tech people are mostly misled to believing woke bullshit, world is all nice and clean, and made of unicorns.

I mean all these does make them smart enough to run/code the machines, be obedient mofo, but dumb enough not to ask questions.

Toughen up you mofos, harden up. Build and sell your own bullshit, than working for someone else. And being comfy and then being on the way to your death bed.

Especially young people.... Take risks rather than risking it to tooo late you mofos. If you have a scratch, do it early, before you end up being a slob.....

Me : Hey I have to implement this feature but I have no idea how to do it

Co-worker : oh we have examples here on those projects

** Later, after searhcing through code **
Me : Hey, so I based my code on yours for that project, but there's a thing I don't understand with your implementation.

Co-worker : Oh, that's because it's not the same context, please use that documentation.

Me : *Seeing that the documentation did absolutely different way to implement the feature, and so I lost my time trying to understand something I won't use because misled*... okay thanks.

Work..

I'm Paul Ryan, and I'm excited to tell you that I've finally found a trustworthy cyber expert who deals with lost bitcoin issues/recovery. I lost all of my money after being misled into investing in stolen bitcoin a few months ago. Despite the fact that I was in a bad circumstance, my sadness was short-lived because a coworker had told me about (recoveryexpert at rescueteam dot com), a company that deals with Recovery Solution. I was able to reclaim the money that had been taken with the help of Recovery Expert. I was able to regain my $155,000 after being informed by another group of hackers that it had been permanently lost.