You know what?

Young cocky React devs can suck my old fuckin LAMP and Objective-C balls.

Got a new freelance job and got brought in to triage a React Native iOS/Android app. Lead dev's first comment to me is: "Bro, have you ever used React Native".

To which I had to reply to save my honor publicly, "No, but I have like 8 years with Objective-C and 3 years with Swift, and 3 years with Node, so I maybe I'll still be able help. Sometimes it just helps to have a fresh set of eyes."

"Well, nobody but me can work on this code."

And that, as it turned out was almost true.

After going back and forth with our PM and this dev I finally get his code base.

"Just run "npm install" he says".

Like no fuckin shit junior... lets see if that will actually work.

Node 14... nope whole project dies.

Node 12 LTS... nope whole project dies.

Install all of react native globally because fuck it, try again... still dies.

Node 10 LTS... project installs but still won't run or build complaining about some conflict with React Native libraries and Cocoa pods.

Go back to my PM... "Um, this project won't work on any version of Node newer than about 5 years old... and even if it did it still won't build, and even if it would build it still runs like shit. And even if we fix all of that Apple might still tell us to fuck off because it's React Native.

Spend like a week in npm and node hell just trying to fucking hand install enough dependencies to unfuck this turds project.

All the while the original dev is still trying TO FIX HIS OWN FUCKING CODE while also being a cocky ass the entire time. Now, I can appreciate a cocky dev... I was horrendously cocky in my younger days and have only gotten marginally better with age. But if you're gonna be cocky, you also have to be good at it. And this guy was not.

Lo, we're not done. OG Dev comes down with "Corona Virus"... I put this in quotes because the dude ends up drawing out his "virus" for over 4 months before finally putting us in touch with "another dev team he sometimes uses".

Next, me and my PM get on a MS Teams call with this Indian house. No problems there, I've worked with the Indians before... but... these are guys are not good. They're talking about how they've already built the iOS build... but then I ask them what they did to sort out the ReactNative/Cocoa Pods conflict and they have no idea what I'm talking about.

Why?

Well, one of these suckers sends a link to some repo and I find out why. When he sends the link it exposes his email...

This Indian dude's emails was our-devs-name@gmail.com...

We'd been played.

Company sued the shit out of the OG dev and the Indian company he was selling off his work to.

I rewrote the app in Swift.

So, lets review... the React dev fucked up his own project so bad even he couldn't fix it... had to get a team of Indians to help who also couldn't fix it... was still a dickhead to me when I couldn't fix it... and in the end it was all so broken we had to just do a rewrite.

None of you get npm. None of you get React. None of you get that doing the web the way Mark Zucherberg does it just makes you a choad locked into that ecosystem. None of you can fix your own damn projects when one of the 6,000 dependency developers pushes breaking changes. None of you ever even bother with "npm audit fix" because if security was a concern you'd be using a server side language for fucking server side programming like a grown up.

So, next time a senior dev with 20 years exp. gets brought in to help triage a project that you yourself fucked up... Remember that the new thing you know and think makes you cool? It's not new and it's not cool. It's just JavaScript on the server so you script kiddies never have to learn anything but JavaScript... which makes you inarguably worse programmers.

And, MF, I was literally writing javascript while you were sucking your mommas titties so just chill... this shit ain't new and I've got a dozen of my own Node daemons running right now... difference is?

Mine are still working.

!rant

Boss: ehi I was checking out our latest product (made in vuejs) it's blazing fast and responsive.

Me : shiny eyes "... Can I refactor our biggest project from angular 1.5 to vuejs?"

Boss: "mmh what can you save from the old code base? "

Me: "mmh.. A lot.. Mmh like.. The CSS!"

Boss : "no"

I hoped!

!dev && rant

Can we talk about banks? Those fuckers! Suposed to keep our money save and be competent... They today gave me the biggest scare of my live and I've run one an update query on a prod db without a where clause! (Okay I knew we had a backup but still pretty scarry moment!)

As a few know, besides being a dev I help to organize a small openair music festival here in Switzerland. The openair was this weekend. Every thing wen't well, until I checked our ebanking account today. There was only 2/3 of the money that should be there. A quick call to the bank and they told me, nope they never received it. As we've thrown it in a secure locker during the night, we didn't receive any receipt or something like that. It took those fuckers 3.5 hours to actually go and check the looker, just to find the remaining money in the corner of it. What the fuck people, can't you open your fucking eyes and not give me a fucking heartatack? I thought you guys are professionals!

Note locker: we get a key to open it from the outside, place our payment during the night, as soon as we close it, it falls inside a vault, so there it's a pay in only system, for lack of a better word, I called it locker.

My heart is still beating like mad, because of them.

This happen last year during a one day workshop over zoom. We where around 16-18 strangers plus the tutor. We started with everyone introducing themselves (most showing their faces on camera), then it was just the tutor with his shared screen. Two hours in, one of the participants accidentally turned her camera on. I know it was accidental because I still cringe from what happened next: she started picking her nose. At this point, I have to clarify that I'm not familiar with zoom, because I'm on Microsoft teams almost exclusively thanks to my organization. While I looked frantically on how to DM this person (something along the lines of "hey, your cam is on :)" or whatever), I watched in horror as the second act of this play unfolded as she put her finger in her mouth and started to eat it. At this point I was actively dying from second hand embarrassment. Like girl, our orgs payed good money to be on this workshop, gave us a day off (so to speak) and know all I can focus on is you going gold hunting and bringing home some cured cave meat. My boss basically paid so I can get traumatized! And all this while being being in the comfort of my own home. Thanks, zoom! Anyway, she went in for seconds. That is when I died. I am dead at this point. My eyes glued to the screen. Ears ringing. Brain fried. It is done. Now, that the cringe has peaked, does it even matter If I figured out how to dm her? It is too late at this point. We all saw it. The tutor must have seen it. We all witnessed it. We are all witnesses, your honor. She has been witnessed! What else can I do at this point? Me, one bystander amongst bystanders. Idle and powerless.This is exactly how the holocaust started! At this point, I'm no better than your average Joe, who doesn't really like the new regime but doesn't fight it either. At this point, I ask myself what would Jesus do? Or Hollywood? What would happen in the movies in this situation? If I cant fight them, join them? Starting my cam, knuckles deep and double fisting my air holes to save what? It is done. Nothing left. She made her statement. She basically played us for fools. By god, what a freaking boss move that was! Like, can you imagine? Here we were, during the end of a world wide pandemic, bound to our homes, advised to regularly clean our hands, protected ourself and our loved ones and, yes, not eat buggers. And here comes miss fuck-it-all showing us degenerates how its done. You go girl! You showed us the light while we dwelled in darkness. You are our queen! Long may be her reign and just her punishments! I have seen true power and wept with the angles! I was born again. My mind at peace. I was Gandalf the Grey, now I am Gandalf the White. This is the day I will tell my children about. Songs have been written for less. I will never forget this!

Anyhow, I could go on, but that this is basically what happened over the span of a couple of moments in late 2022. I will never forget her. And now you won't either ❤️

Working on a dark theme.

1/2 dev and a fair warning: do not go into the comments.
You're going anyway? Good.

I began trying to figure out how to use stable diffusion out of boredom. Couldn't do shit at first, but after messing around for a few days I'm starting to get the hang of it.

Writing long prompts gets tiresome, though. Think I can build myself a tool to help with this. Nothing fancy. A local database to hold trees of tokens, associate each tree to an ID, like say <class 'path'> or some such. Essentially, you use this to save a description of any size.

The rest is textual substitution, which is trivial in devil-speak. Off the top of my head:
my $RE=qr{\< (?<class> [^\s]+) \s+ ' (?<path>) [^'] '\>}x;

And then? match |> fetch(validate) |> replace, recurse. Say:
while ($in =~ $RE) {
my $tree=db->fetch $+{class},$+{path};
$in=~ s[$RE][$tree];
};

Is that it? As far the substitution goes, then yeah, more or less. We have to check that a tree's definition does not recurse for this to work though, but I would do that __before__ dumping the tree to disk, not after.

There is most likely an upper limit to how much abstraction can be achieved this way, one can only get so specific before the algorithm starts tripping balls I reckon, the point here is just reaching that limit sooner.

So pasting lists of tokens, in a nutshell. Not a novel idea. I'd just be making it easier for myself. I'd rather reference things by name, and I'd rather not define what a name means more than once. So if I've already detailed what a Nazgul is, for instance, then I'd like to reuse it. Copy, paste, good times.

Do promise to slay me in combat should you ever catch me using the term "prompt engineering" unironically, what a stupid fucking joke.

Anyway, the other half, so !dev and I repeat the warning, just out of courtesy. I don't think it needs to be here, as this is all fairly mild imagery, but just in case.

I felt disappointed that a cursed image would scare me when I've seen far worse shit. So I began experimenting, seeing if I could replicate the result. No luck yet, but I think we're getting somewhere.

Our mission is clearly the bronwning of pants, that much is clear. But how do we come to understand fear? I don't know. "Scaring" seems fairly subjective.

But I fear what I know to be real,
And I believe my own two eyes.

GENUINE HACKER TO RECOVER SCAMMED CRYPTO ASSETS= VISIT SALVAGE ASSET RECOVERY

Reach out to Salvage Asset Recovery, contact info
TELEGRAM---@Salvageasset
WhatsApp+ 1 8 4 7 6 5 4 7 0 9 6

When a phishing scam drained $190,000 in Bitcoin money we’d painstakingly saved to modernize our family farm’s irrigation system, I felt like the ground had been pulled out from under me. I nearly sold the land that had been in our family for four generations. The promise of smart irrigation, reducing waste and labor, had vanished in seconds. I blamed myself for trusting the sleek website of a so-called solar supplier. I was angry, ashamed, and exhausted.
My daughter, Mia, took the loss harder than anyone. She’s the reason I ventured into cryptocurrency in the first place. A tech-savvy teenager with a mind for innovation, she convinced me that blockchain could unlock a future where our farm thrived instead of just surviving. And now, because of a single click, that future seemed like a cruel mirage.
One evening, while I brooded over the loss, Mia stormed into the kitchen, a spark of hope in her eyes. She had found a post buried deep in a cryptocurrency and subreddit a testimonial from a retired engineer turned urban farmer. The name stood out: Salvage Asset Recovery. He swore by them, claiming they had tracked down his stolen Ethereum when no one else could. It sounded too good to be true. But with nothing left to lose, I reached out.
From the first email, they were responsive and methodical. They walked me through the process with patience, never making promises they couldn’t keep. Within hours, they had traced the stolen funds to a web of fake businesses. Our "solar supplier" was just one of many scams in a sophisticated network. For days, they followed the digital breadcrumbs across anonymous wallets and obscure exchanges. I barely dared to hope.
Then, on the tenth day, the impossible happened. An alert from my crypto wallet: 89% of our stolen funds had been recovered. I read the message twice, breathless. We weren’t just getting our money back, we were getting our future back.
Today, our fields hum with smart sensors, monitoring moisture levels with pinpoint accuracy. We waste less water, save more time, and yield better crops. And Mia? She’s turned our hard lesson into a mission, teaching blockchain basics to other rural kids so they’ll be better prepared than we were.

Lounge 483: The Best Hair Treatments, Permanent Makeup, Keratin Treatments, and Lash Extensions Near Me in Brooklyn

At Lounge 483, located at 483 4th Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11215, we offer a wide range of beauty services designed to make you look and feel your absolute best. Whether you're looking for a revitalizing hair treatment near me, want to wake up with flawless makeup with permanent makeup near me, are in need of a smoothing keratin treatment near me, or dream of voluminous lashes with lash extensions near me, our expert team is here to provide you with exceptional service and stunning results.

Hair Treatment Near Me: Restore Your Hair’s Health and Shine
Searching for the perfect hair treatment near me? Look no further than Lounge 483. We offer a variety of treatments designed to repair, nourish, and revitalize your hair, no matter its texture or condition.

Popular Hair Treatments We Offer:
Deep Conditioning Treatments: Restore moisture and vitality to dry, damaged hair with our nourishing deep conditioning treatments. They help improve shine, smoothness, and overall hair health.

Scalp Treatments: If you're struggling with a dry, itchy, or flaky scalp, our scalp treatments can help restore balance and improve the health of your scalp for stronger, healthier hair growth.

Hair Masks: Customizable to suit your unique hair needs, our hair masks target specific concerns such as frizz, breakage, or color damage, leaving your hair feeling rejuvenated and soft.

Hair Repair Treatments: If you’ve recently suffered from damage due to heat styling, coloring, or environmental stress, our repair treatments can help restore strength and vitality to your hair.

No matter your hair type or concern, our hair treatment near me services are designed to give you beautiful, healthy hair that you’ll love to show off.

Permanent Makeup Near Me: Wake Up with Flawless Beauty
Tired of spending time on your daily makeup routine? Lounge 483 offers expert permanent makeup near me services that provide you with long-lasting beauty that stays flawless day in and day out. From eyebrows to eyeliner and lip color, permanent makeup can enhance your natural features without the hassle of applying makeup every day.

Our Permanent Makeup Services Include:
Microblading: Achieve full, natural-looking eyebrows with our microblading service. This semi-permanent technique creates fine, hair-like strokes for a flawless, defined brow.

Eyeliner Tattoo: Say goodbye to smudging eyeliner with our permanent eyeliner tattoo services. Whether you want a subtle lash enhancement or a bold winged look, our permanent eyeliner options are tailored to your style.

Lip Blush Tattoo: Enhance the natural color and shape of your lips with a lip blush tattoo. This semi-permanent procedure gives you fuller, more defined lips with a natural flush of color.

Areola Tattoo: We also offer permanent areola tattoos, which can be a great option for those who have undergone breast surgery and wish to restore their natural look.

With our permanent makeup near me services, you can save time and wake up looking polished, enhancing your natural beauty effortlessly.

Keratin Treatment Near Me: Achieve Smooth, Frizz-Free Hair
If you're tired of battling frizz or dealing with unruly hair, a keratin treatment near me is the solution you've been looking for. At Lounge 483, we specialize in keratin treatments that help smooth, soften, and straighten your hair, leaving it looking glossy, healthy, and frizz-free.

Why Choose Keratin Treatment?
Frizz Reduction: Keratin treatments smooth the hair cuticle, reducing frizz and flyaways, even in the most humid conditions.

Sleek, Smooth Hair: Achieve silky, straight hair without the need for heat styling tools, saving you time and effort.

Long-Lasting Results: The results from a keratin treatment typically last for several months, meaning you can enjoy smooth, manageable hair for an extended period.

Improved Hair Health: The nourishing keratin treatment helps strengthen your hair, adding shine and vitality to dull, lifeless strands.

Whether you're looking for sleek, straight hair or just want to reduce the hassle of styling, our keratin treatment near me service is a game-changer for anyone struggling with frizz or damage.

Lash Extensions Near Me: Enhance Your Eyes with Gorgeous Lashes
At Lounge 483, we offer expert lash extensions near me services to give you voluminous, long lashes that make your eyes pop. Whether you want a natural look or something more dramatic, our lash artists will customize your extensions to suit your style.

Types of Lash Extensions We Offer:
Classic Lashes: For a natural, everyday look, classic lash extensions add length and volume to your natural lashes, giving you a subtle, enhanced appearance.

Boujee Mobile Pet Grooming: Miami's Leading Mobile Grooming Specialists

At Boujee Mobile Pet Grooming, we are proud to be the Miami mobile grooming specialists that pet owners trust for all their grooming needs. Our professional grooming services are designed to make your pet look and feel their best—right from the comfort of your home. Whether you’re looking for a quick wash or a complete grooming session, we bring top-tier grooming services directly to your door. Serving Hialeah and surrounding areas, we are the go-to mobile pet grooming near me solution in Miami, FL.

Why Choose Boujee Mobile Pet Grooming?
When you search for mobile pet grooming near me in Miami, you want a service that’s convenient, affordable, and, most importantly, safe for your beloved pets. Here’s why Boujee Mobile Pet Grooming stands out as the best choice for Miami pet owners:

1. Convenient and Stress-Free Mobile Grooming in Miami
One of the greatest benefits of choosing Miami mobile grooming specialists like us is the sheer convenience. No need to drive to a grooming salon, wait in line, or deal with your pet’s anxiety from traveling. With our mobile pet grooming near me service, we bring the grooming salon to your doorstep, making the entire experience stress-free for both you and your pet.

Save Time and Effort: We offer flexible scheduling options that work around your busy life, ensuring that your pet gets the care they need without you having to leave your home.
Comfort for Your Pet: Many pets experience stress at traditional grooming salons. Our mobile grooming service eliminates this issue, as your pet can stay in a familiar, calming environment.
Personalized Attention: In our mobile grooming van, your pet receives one-on-one attention, ensuring that they’re never rushed or distracted during their grooming session.
2. Professional Miami Mobile Grooming Specialists
As Miami mobile grooming specialists, we are committed to providing exceptional care for your pets. Our team is experienced in handling pets of all sizes and breeds, ensuring your dog, cat, or other furry companion is groomed to perfection. From bath time to nail trimming, here are some of the grooming services we offer:

Full Grooming Services: Including bathing, haircuts, and trimming to ensure your pet looks great and feels comfortable.
De-shedding: For pets that shed excessively, we offer de-shedding treatments that reduce shedding and make your pet's coat more manageable.
Nail Clipping: Regular nail trimming is essential for your pet’s health, and we make sure to trim their nails safely.
Ear Cleaning: We carefully clean your pet’s ears to prevent infections and ensure their overall well-being.
Facial Cleaning and Eye Care: Our groomers ensure your pet’s face and eyes are properly cleaned, minimizing irritation and promoting hygiene.
3. Safe and High-Quality Grooming Products
At Boujee Mobile Pet Grooming, we use only safe, pet-friendly grooming products to ensure that your pet’s skin and coat are treated with the utmost care. We understand that pets have sensitive skin, which is why we choose high-quality shampoos, conditioners, and tools designed to protect their health while giving them the best grooming experience possible.

Miami’s Most Trusted Mobile Grooming Near Me Service
As a trusted mobile pet grooming near me provider, Boujee Mobile Pet Grooming serves not just Miami, but also Hialeah and neighboring communities. Whether you need regular grooming services or an occasional touch-up, we are here to provide a reliable and high-quality grooming experience for your pets.

Why Trust Boujee Mobile Pet Grooming for Your Pets?
Experienced Groomers: Our groomers are highly trained and skilled in providing top-notch grooming services for all types of pets.
Stress-Free Experience: We make grooming a pleasant experience for your pet by offering a quiet, safe, and familiar environment.
Affordable and Convenient: With our flexible scheduling, affordable pricing, and professional grooming services, we offer the best value for your money.
Book Your Appointment Today
If you're searching for mobile pet grooming near me or need Miami mobile grooming specialists, Boujee Mobile Pet Grooming is here to help. We provide grooming services for dogs, cats, and other pets, ensuring they are pampered and well-cared for. Call us at +1 305-522-2013 to schedule your next grooming session and experience the convenience and quality that only Boujee Mobile Pet Grooming can offer.

CAN DIGITAL TECH GUARD RECOVERY HELP YOU RECOVER CRYPTO FROM PHISHING ATTACKS?

WhatsApp: +1 (443) 859 - 2886 Email @ digital tech guard . com
Telegram: digital tech guard recovery . com website link / digital tech guard . com

I matched with Samantha on Tinder thinking the usual: favorite movies, travel dreams, the obligatory "so what do you do? " Instead, over a plate of overpriced sushi, she hit me with "Yeah, I lost $250,000 in crypto once. Digital Tech Guard Recovery got it back." I spat my drink. Excuse me? She laughed. "Yeah, some scam drained my wallet overnight. Thought my life was over. Then I came across Digital Tech Guard Recovery, and they did the impossible." I nodded half in amazement, half in disbelief; this lady must have been exaggerating. I mean, who just casually recovers six figures? Cool story, but that could never be me.
Oh, how foolish of me.
Fast forward two months and the universe decided to make me its punchline. I woke up one morning, checked my crypto wallet, and $400,000 was gone. GONE. Like it had been beamed into another dimension. I stared at my screen in horror, refreshing the app like a maniac. Maybe it was a glitch? Maybe my eyes weren't working? Maybe I was hallucinating from lack of sleep Nope. I had fallen for a Ledger fake update. The panic that followed was unlike anything I had ever felt in my life. I was sweating all over my place like I had just finished running a marathon. My brain short-circuited, replaying every bad decision I'd ever made. How could I be this stupid? And then-I remembered Samantha. I scrolled frantically through our old messages, found the name Digital Tech Guard Recovery, and within minutes, I was on the phone, pleading for them to save my financial life. From the moment they answered the phone, I knew I was in good hands: so calm, professional, and eerily confident that their team analyzed my case, assured me they'd track my funds. I barely slept for days on end, checking my emails like a lunatic, waiting for updates. Then, finally—the call: "We recovered your funds. Every last cent." I just sat in complete shock before bursting into laughter. This was what Samantha had described. This time, it was my life they had just saved. I reached for my wallet, and sure enough—there it was, every single dollar back where it belonged. Relief washed over me hard enough that I almost fell. I wanted to scream and cry and throw a party all at once. Instead, I did the only logical thing: I messaged Samantha. "You're never gonna believe this." She replied instantly. "Let me guess… Digital Tech Guard Recovery? " All I could do was send a thumbs-up. Lesson learned: Never ignore good advice from a Tinder date. Also, check on crypto updates yourself; or better yet, have Digital Tech Guard Recovery watch your back.