oh you are a riot.

Not a developer, but I married one <3 best part is, I get to learn devs stuff so that I can be the smarty-pants at work...

My start at one of the Big Four (accounting firms).

The first two days of each month they organise "onboarding days" for the new starters of that month. (I so hate upper management buzzwords!) They sent me a formal invitation that looked like I was being invited to a ball with the royals, and they included the following super-smarty-pants line: "Dress code: would you wear jeans and t-shirt when you meet a client?"

And I thought: "I'm an effing hardware and software engineer for internal services. I will never meet a client." But I dressed formally nonetheless, and I went to the onboarding, and I hated every second I spent in those effing high heels, and don't get me started on how I managed to get a run on my stockings in the first hour.

The first day of the onboarding we sat through eight hours of general talks from senior employees who wanted to explain the "culture" and "values" of our company, but the worst of all was the three-hour introduction to IT services where they "helped us set up our new laptops" and taught us how to send e-mails and how to use the Company Portal.

On the second day, they divided us into groups depending on our speciality (assurance, taxes, legal, etc) and exposed us to further 8 hours of boredom related to our speciality. However, since the "digital services" thing was still new to them, we didn't have a category of our own, and we had to attend the introduction to one of the other categories, and I didn't understand one word of what was being said.

On the third day I finally went to my office and they provided me with a second laptop. It turns out that we engineers got different laptops and were allowed to manage it ourselves instead of letting central IT manage it for us. So I simply returned the laptop they had given me the first day and started working. However, for some reason, the laptop I returned was not registered, and two weeks later they started pestering me with emails asking where was the laptop "I had stolen". It took me 3 weeks of emails and calls to make them understand that I had returned the laptop immediately.

Also, on the two onboarding days we had to sign attendance, and since I forgot to sign the paper list on the second day, they invited me to the event the next month again. I explained to them that I had already attended the onboarding and didn't go, so they invited me again on the third month, and they threatened me with "disciplinary action" if I didn't go. After a week of lost time writing emails and calling people, I ended up going to the onboarding again just to sign the effing list.

In the end, I resigned during the probation time. That company was the worst experience of my life. It was an example of corporate culture so absurdly exaggerated that it sometimes reminded me of Kafka's Trial. I think they have more "HR representatives" than people who do actual work.

When the client writes tickets in riddles...

fuck you, man. eat a bag of dicks, a bag of shit and a shit load of dead animals.. you dumb fucking cunt ... go and die ... who the fuck modifies state of 3rd party object and think it is ok to do so.. the fucking prick deserves to get castrated with rusty, old school, gardening scissors...

through some mysterious, obfuscated, buried deep in the asshole code, the fucker decided to set a user-specific value in the default query params of guzzle so that every fucking object using it passes the fucking thing around like a cheap hooker at a dorm party... causing the API calls to misbehave because of the fucking thing.

you send the parameters you want to send but mister sucking-dick-up-the-ass-smarty-pants decided you don't want to do that and because of that I almost broke a core library a week before a fucking major feature release because half the functionality got broken automagically, worst thing is I have no fucking clue where the bloody thing gets inserted ...

I swear if you do that I will find you and I will get a rusty razor to cut your balls into paste and rectally infuse them untill your shit start to come out of every oriphise of your fucking empty head

Site's gone live 5 mins ago, time for a design/ux/content review

Long time ago I worked with a few developers on some relatively simple web project. We were using php and smarty and we used svn for versioning. At one point some dude joined the project as a php developer (with a few years of experience).

After a few days without any commits, we found out that he doesn't know what a SVN is or how to use it. After he learned how to use it we found out in our repo bunch of files with a following naming scheme:

filename.php
filename_1.php
filename_2.php
filename_3.php
filename_4.php
filename_5.php

This PrestaShop template system thing is killing me 😩

Once and a while a smarty pants developer I like will mention something and I'll assume they use it often and have vetted it. In this case, I'm pretty sure the person only used WordPress Pods once on some very specific thing - because after digging into it and using it on a project, I can't imagine this being a good idea... This is definitely its own path... It sure is a lot of extra work to get some basic relationships going. I'm sure it's great for some people, but for me - it's a lot of fighting what is supposed to be helpful.

I use the ICU format often for translation because it's simple enough and supported on many platforms. It's something of a standard so I can use the same translation string format and similar library functions everywhere.

ICU is like a really simple templating language, somewhere between printf and something like smarty or twig simplified and specifically intended for internationalisation.

I updated a library providing ICU compatible parsing and formatting for one of the platforms I'm using and find tests break. I assume that only thing to change is the API. ICU very rarely changes and if it did it would be unexpected for it to break the syntax in a major way without big news of a new syntax.

The main contributor of the library has changed since some time last year. Someone else picked up the project from previous contributors.

Though the library is heavily advertised as using ICU it has now switched to using a custom extended format that's not fully compatible and that is being driven by use case demand rather than standardisation.

Seems like a nice chap but has also decided for a major paradigm shift for the library.

The ICU format only parses ICU templates for string substitution and formatting. The new format tries to parse anything that looks XML like as well but with much more strict rules only supporting a tiny subset of XML and failing to preserve what would otherwise be string literals.

Has anyone else seen this happen after the handover of an opensource library where the paradigm shifts?

when the swift language cannot infer the generic type from the invocation, it also doesn't want you to explicily specify generic type in the bracket...

says i have a method:
```
func createDeferred<T>() -> ABC.XYZ.Deferred<T>
```

then if you call it like this:
```
let dfd = createDeferred()
```
It complaints that it cannot infer generic type T, which make sense.

But it also doesn't want you to code it this way:
```
let dfd = createDeferred<Int>("countProperty")
```
if you do so, it mumbles gibberish: "Cannot explicitly specialize a generic function".

What it actually trying to say is, you should put the type somewhere else so that it can show off its smartness to "infer" it from there:

```
let dfd: ABC.XYZ.Deferred<Int> = createDeferred()
```
with a few more typing and findout what exact type it is, it finally works.

the moral of the story is, in order to communicate with the wonderful work apple genius made, you don't tell it what is the answer straight away, that's defiance, you must hide the answer somewhere intricately and let the smarty swifty swift to find it out for you.

For those who ever tried to find and/or implement a crm: everything seems to be based on that bastardized vtiger core which is based on an old version of sugarcrm I'm so fucking tired of that shit. I gonna make my own. The underlying framework makes me sick to the bone. Everything in there relies heavily on magic. Being arround for years and just recently got a new major release yet unable to transfer offer items to the invoice even though it requires a relation?

This is not blunt talk. My thing is based on Laravel, EAV principle for dynamic fields, module code structure, interface for the list view and many other stuff is already integrated. This is gonna be done and will be done because existing stuff is so fucking ugly and broken I can't fathom myself.

Btw I still need a name

PS: I hate smarty, PearDb and their fucking database layout