Been sick since Wednesday with a heavy feeling of dizziness and vertigo (BPPV). Basically I got sick in the week I intentionally planned nothing to tackle my workload and get some stuff done, but I was physically unable to work on it until now.

Meeting is on Monday.

Also preorder my new book on O'Reilly, much appreciated.

(No, I am not panicking, pls send help)

On the roof of my friends house. On new years eve.
The party was too noisy for me to hear the client over the phone, so I was milling around the appertment until I no longer heard the noise.

Sat down, took laptop from backpack, solved issue, wished client a Happy New Year.

Packed in laptop. Stood up, realised I had somehow wandered out of the appartment and up onto the roof.

Sat down again. Vertigo.

Opened the laptop again, sending the client the bill at 500% overtime rate.

At least the fireworks were pretty.

Biggest interview of my entire life is coming up on Thursday. I really need this to go well - it's more than double my current salary, at a time where I'm really starting to struggle to make ends meet. There's an actual "team", and from my interactions with them over the last four interviews, I think they're cool people. It's still a little unusual, because although there's a team or cohort of seniors that I'd be joining, every senior developer is still somewhat siloed, leading their own juniors. I'd also get to be remote 75% of the time, which I think I've realized is a "must have" benefit.

I don't know if it's coincidental or just bad timing then that I've been having episodes of pretty intense vertigo and panic attacks far more frequently than normal lately - even before I had this interview lined up. I realized recently that I must have some kind of anxiety disorder. I don't know if that's from the military, or just from being fucked up via my own missteps. But I can't keep having these attacks.

Anyone who's willing to share - I don't really have anyone to ask. How do you deal with this type of thing? I went to see a shrink last year, but he just gave me pills that replaced these issues with others.

Okay so I had an acute derealization episode yesterday, hence yesterday’s post. Ignore what I said.
It was caused by the lack of sleep, the first such case since 2018.
Symptoms included super wide FOV — my arms were three miles long, I saw what seemed like almost my whole surroundings all at once. I couldn’t confirm the reality of that superhuman vision with an experiment because it was hard to grasp reality during derealization. I’m almost certain that it was just my brain extending my vision from memory, but I had no idea it could even do that given how detailed it was.
Also, vertigo was crazy.
I don’t own a funded Interactive Brokers account.
I don’t do drugs, alcohol, nicotine or caffeine. I never ever did drugs or alcohol. I’m about one year nicotine free and about three months caffeine free.
I’m bipolar and autistic. My prescription medications include neuroleptics that slow me down, not speed me up — the standard medication scheme prescribed to millions of patients all over the world.