Details
Joined devRant on 3/10/2018
Join devRant
Do all the things like
++ or -- rants, post your own rants, comment on others' rants and build your customized dev avatar
Sign Up
Pipeless API
From the creators of devRant, Pipeless lets you power real-time personalized recommendations and activity feeds using a simple API
Learn More
-
Want a free devDuck? I'll buy one for the first person to figure out the password to this account before june 1st.
When you got it, just log in and @mention yourself in a comment to prove that you did it.
Here are some clues for you:
aGdpcmV2IHVsaSB0aXZ6Z212aGg=
0d 13 0a 15 05 0e
^
6c 67 68 74 76 66
The password is an english phrase in lowercase letters.16 -
I hate hate hate React! Sorry but to me it's just such a bloated pos of a framework. I realize it was pretty revolutionary at first, the idea of having everything "reactive" and all of that - but newer things like Svelte.js are a dream to work with, whereas trudging through the poorly coded React app I'm supposed to be testing for work is making me want to pull my hair out! I installed a vscode tool so everybody could see what the import "cost" is on everything - a simple INPUT is 50KB of pure BLOAT for something that should and can be way simpler.
I realize there are probably better coded apps out there that wouldn't drive me so crazy, but anybody importing hundreds of KB of 3rd party crap just to get a select box, some inputs, and a date picker are really out of their mind.12 -
"You gave us bad code! We ran it and now production is DOWN! Join this bridgeline now and help us fix this!"
So, as the author of the code in question, I join the bridge... And what happens next, I will simply never forget.
First, a little backstory... Another team within our company needed some vendor client software installed and maintained across the enterprise. Multiple OSes (Linux, AIX, Solaris, HPUX, etc.), so packaging and consistent update methods were a a challenge. I wrote an entire set of utilities to install, update and generally maintain the software; intending all the time that this other team would eventually own the process and code. With this in mind, I wrote extensive documentation, and conducted a formal turnover / training season with the other team.
So, fast forward to when the other team now owns my code, has been trained on how to use it, including (perhaps most importantly) how to send out updates when the vendor released upgrades to the agent software.
Now, this other team had the responsibility of releasing their first update since I gave them the process. Very simple upgrade process, already fully automated. What could have gone so horribly wrong? Did something the vendor supplied break their client?
I asked for the log files from the upgrade process. They sent them, and they looked... wrong. Very, very wrong.
Did you run the code I gave you to do this update?
"Yes, your code is broken - fix it! Production is down! Rabble, rabble, rabble!"
So, I go into our code management tool and review the _actual_ script they ran. Sure enough, it is my code... But something is very wrong.
More than 2/3rds of my code... has been commented out. The code is "there"... but has been commented out so it is not being executed. WT-actual-F?!
I question this on the bridge line. Silence. I insist someone explain what is going on. Is this a joke? Is this some kind of work version of candid camera?
Finally someone breaks the silence and explains.
And this, my friends, is the part I will never forget.
"We wanted to look through your code before we ran the update. When we looked at it, there was some stuff we didn't understand, so we commented that stuff out."
You... you didn't... understand... my some of the code... so you... you didn't ask me about it... you didn't try to actually figure out what it did... you... commented it OUT?!
"Right, we figured it was better to only run the parts we understood... But now we ran it and everything is broken and you need to fix your code."
I cannot repeat the things I said next, even here on devRant. Let's just say that call did not go well.
So, lesson learned? If you don't know what some code does? Just comment that shit out. Then blame the original author when it doesn't work.
You just cannot make this kind of stuff up.105 -
Boss: "I don't want to comply with the GDPR"
Me, DPO: "I've told you the house rules. You must comply, stop arguing"
Boss: "But I don't want it. Bobby doesn't have to, and Eve doesn't have to, their moms are cool"
Me: "I don't give a crap about the other kids, you're going to be GDPR compliant. Bob and Eve will end up being raped in prison. It's that what you want?"
Boss: "What if I just pretend to do it."
Me: "I'll take away all your marketing toys. No more mailchimp for you young man."
Boss, crying: "You wouldn't touch my Facebook pixel!"
Me: "Especially your Facebook pixel. I'm so sick of that thing...."
Me: "...Look, you can still play with your toys, all I'm saying is you need to be honest and ask your buddies for consent before you put your pixels up their various holes"
Boss: "But they will never agree!"
Me: "Maybe that is good thing"
Boss: "But how will we get people to like us if I can't feed them pills and insert probes into their holes to measure their responses?"
Me: "Maybe you should focus on being a nice kid, someone people like to play with. Your buddies will tell other kids that you're a nice guy. Now, I'm not going to lie to you, it will be hard work. Much more effort than what you're doing now. But you know, those friends will stick with you for decades, instead of just until the marketing-drugs wear off"
Boss: "I think I want a new mom"
Me: "You signed a contract. You're stuck with me for the next 2 years. And as long as you're living under my roof, you will follow my rules."14 -
All these Windows Update rants and I haven't waited more than 5 seconds for win to boot in the last two months...2
-
TL;DR: don't fuck with your IT guy.
One of the guys in our office treats his laptop like shit, has dropped it a number of times and had managed to break the screen. There was a nice crack diagonally corner to corner across the screen with a nice black splotch around it making a good chunk of his screen unusable. Servicing the laptop would be too expensive and would mean being without the machine for several weeks forced to use a Mac.
I offered to replace the screen for him since I have experience doing laptop repairs. Once the screen arrived I kept the laptop for the evening and spent an hour replacing the screen. I left a note telling him he owed me $60 for my time.
He sees the note, laughs and says "I'll buy you lunch."
Not only does this guy only keep his word when offering to buy lunch about 10% of the time, when he does actually do it he charges it on the company card so it isn't really him paying for it. So I spent my lunch break writing up a little Python app which randomly fucks with his mouse and keyboard.
I sent him a message that I needed to run some tests on his new screen tonight so I'll be able to install it and set it to run on boot.
The app does things like:
Jiggle the mouse
Minimize all windows to show the desktop
Double click
Right click
Can't decide if I want to add in reboots as well.
I figure I'll leave it going until I get $60 worth of entertainment out of it.17 -
When you hate someone so bad that it actually turns into love...natures emotional integer overflow...3
-
Heey, it's me, D3add3d! As you might remember there was a crypto riddle posted by @Kimmax approx. a month ago. Now I'm here with another crypto riddle, it should be fairly easy one. The previous riddle was based on PGP so no rotation of alphabet was involved.
Here is the riddle:
SnJ5eSBxYmFyLCBndXIgZmJ5aGd2YmEgenZ0dWcgYWJnIG55am5sZiBvciBib2l2YmhmIG9oZyBndXZheHZhdCBiaGcgYnMgZ3VyIG9iayB2ZiBwcmVnbnZheWwgdXJ5Y3NoeSwgeHJyYyBndXIgbmFmanJlIGdiIGxiaGVmcnlzIGhhZ3Z5IHJhYmh0dSBjcmJjeXIgdW5pciBmYnlpcnEgdmcsIGdiIGNlYmlyIGxiaCBmYnlpcnEgdmcgcGJ6enJhZyBuYSByemJ3diAiY25weG50ciI=
(image irrelevant to the riddle)26 -
I have my reasons that Socrates once tried to understand how Docker works, because I have exactly the same feelings.7
-
!rant
The Sound of Typing (an original dev parody of "The Sound of Silence")
Hello caffeine, my old friend
I've come to sip on you again
Because my mind continues sleeping
While overpiled work is creeping
And the deadline that is flashing upon my screen
Can't be unseen
Within the sound of typing
Down the lines of buggy code
I quickly switch to debug mode
What kind of moron wrote this function?
For this unnecessary junction?
Wrapped in a condition that will always return true
I need a brew
To forget the sound of typing
Boss said I you do not know
WordPress like a cancer grows
A one page website doesn't need that
Still I wear my debug hard hat
And when I sleep I still see the same terror
Fatal error
Echoed in the sounds of typing
And every time I leave my home
I must launch chrome on my phone
The constant messages and phone calls
The chiming echoes through the halls
While I frantically fix some FooBar'd CSS
BUT I don't have LESS
Deep in the sounds of typing
And when I think I have it done
Some scope creep ruins all my fun
So now I force through an all-nighter
While I forge on like a fighter
But the project I thought was due on next Friday
Changed to Monday
Within the sound of typing9