Windows: I have updates, please pick an option:
* Update and shut down
* Update and reboot

Me: Ok, update and shut down

Windows: Updates and reboots

I'll be asking the HR of my next company to include a "fuck off" clause in the contract if they want to hire me.

Under that clause, I would have the right to tell anyone, and everyone, to fuck off. It includes all 24 hours of the day, not just the working hours.

The most unrealistic deadline? Okay, here it goes. For context, this is one of my earliest jobs, and I’m actively using React.

— Kiki, I have a stunning idea! Let’s build a Figma clone!
— Okaaaay, 🧐
— You have two days.
— A what?
— I’ve just stumbled upon an amazing new technology. You maybe don’t know it yet. It’s called React.js, and you totally can build a full Figma clone in two days using it!
— …
— It’s a revolution, and you’re so ignorant for not following it. Are you even a real engineer?
— …

Two days later:
— Forget about Figma! Let’s build an online DAW for musicians!

That guy was nuts. I left when we had an executive meeting, I was explaining tech things, and he suddenly popped out a fucking tambourine and started striking it. One year later, he lost everything and went to get a junior C++ position at an outsourcing company.

Once, I overheard a conversation between my former PM and a client during a phone call.

Client: I will send the final draft of the project by Thursday.

PM: That's great to hear!

Client: When can I expect the updates to review the changes after the draft is sent? I need to present it at a meeting this weekend.

PM: It should be ready by Friday without fail!

Client: Excellent! Thank you. I will be expecting it.

PM: Sure, goodbye.

(After the call, PM joined the team.)

PM: So, team, the client for Project-A will be sending us a new draft for review and updates. They are putting a lot of pressure on us and need it to be ready by Friday at the latest. We need to treat this with a sense of urgency.

(After hearing this, we felt compelled to respond.)

Me: There's no way they would expect us to deliver an unseen draft within a day. Both the backend and Figma team members were forced to work last weekend, on Saturday, because you mentioned that Project B was behind schedule and the client needed an update by Monday. We simply can't continue working like this.

Backend guy 2: I also worked last Sunday on Project B.

Me: We overheard you telling the client that they should expect an update by Friday. It seems like you're the one directly putting the team under pressure, even though we still have three ongoing projects with tight deadlines.

(The office fell into an uncomfortable silence.)
(PM left the office without saying a word.)

Later on, I heard that he contacted the client to reschedule the expected time of arrival (ETA) after receiving the draft.

Project incoming!

Would anyone actually be interested in POC'ing an open source alternative to devRant? Unfortunately it seems that this platform is going to the ground with little to no maintenance and even pipeless.io giving 502s.

I wouldn't expect anything real proper of it but could be a fun community project. Would require some planning though and probably more than just the odd person contributing.

Context in the middle of this thread: https://devrant.com/rants/9889646/...

......

A 520MB CSV file with 29 columns and no headers.

If it's not an impertinent question, why in the name of Satan's magnificent testicles would anyone do that?

I hope their pig dies.

This happened yesterday during 1-2-1 meeting

My dear teamleader telling me.

"You're just a stupid consultant"

Well, this 'stupid consultant' has had enough of your bullshit and will look for future endeavors elsewhere.

You are free to consider your options and make the bad decisions, dear team 'leader'.

Cry at the sheer amount of work 'your' project really entails and I will revel in your failure

I'm done with this guy.

Team leaders should be ousted if they fail their team members and the projects they are responsible for.

Wowwwww

Found the perfect home for my new devRant sticker (with some minor modification). Thanks @dfox!

R, matey

Honey, I love you, but plz I'm trying to focus

My guide to know if your startup is failing:
My Qualifications: Every startup I've joined has failed. Not necessarily because of me.
For the sake of me typing faster, x=startup.

1) X doesn't have a product, but just an idea that x keeps pitching as the next "big thing". (What's with this shit anyway?)

2)X keeps changing products, One day your designing IoT sex toys and the next day your building a self aware AI. For some reason, the people at X saw Silicon Valley or that meme about how Instagram was created and thought "Fuck that happens to every moron who can switch on a computer."

3) Even worse, X keeps changing industries.

4) X keeps lying to you, your marginal user base and seems overall unethical. (You should leave at this point.)

5) X wants to target some obscure and very specific market and keeps pitching the company along the following lines
<famous_company> for <random_market>
Eg: "Yo bro it's like Amazon but for necrophiles."

6)X keeps saying that X is the next big thing. (X is not and I can't emphasize this point enough.)

What you should realize is this is my general observation and some or all of these points may not apply to every situation.

Sorry for typos and any other stuff.

Hey girl,
Come to my 127.0.0.1 and I'll give you sudo access.

Thank you JavaScript.

Dear javascript, you think you're sooooo fucking special. You just HAD to be asynchronous everywhere, losing all connections to natural sequential human thinking. I just want to work with the result of A GOD DAMN FOR LOOP you ASYNC FUCK.

echo power(2, 10) . '+1s';

Typical day in IT Support :P

I hate android studio. No wait i love it. No i hate it. Can't seem to make up my mind about it. Its slow, kills my computers performance, messy interface. But despite that it's something appealing about it. Everything seems to be avaliable for previewing as one work.. aaand then it breaks my computer and I hate it again..

Don't you hate it when business people think they know everything about the technical side?

Outplayed.

That moment when you notice that devrant addiction is starting to be a global threat to developers:
Stop devrant immigration
Make code great again
Compile a wall around devrant and let developers write it

For a flipping two hours the code wasn't working. Then I saw this single dot instead of comma...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

How to purge daemons

Created a batch file to modify some system files on our embedded system.

Accidentally double clicked it in my development main machine :(

Man, fm fucking l

Yeah no

Too true.

Job offer that just popped in my inbox: "backend developer with strong frontend skills" :/ I wonder this company
1) saves way too much money hiring the less people as possible.
- or -
2) only knows that developers develop, but don't have a clue about how that is internally organised in a well structured team.

The great thing about version control is that you can seamlessly work alongside other coders through the use of dozens of diverged and cryptically named branches.

Worst part is being asked to do stupid things (hack, give people followers, give free money)