Well, that's true. ;)

If Internet Explorer is brave enough to ask you to make it your default browser, you're brave enough to ask that girl out.

I guess every faced this at the start.

"Hey Dad, what did you guys do before we all had self driving cars?"
"Well we just drove them ourselves"
"Wow, and no one died that way?"
"Haha oh no, millions of people died son"

Leaked Screenshot of Microsoft's LinkedIn 😀😀
Source : Reddit

The hardest decision in any devs day is what to name the variable

When talking with muggles, I frequently use this simple sentence to make things clear to them: Java and JavaScript is like cat and caterpillar. You wouldn't believe in effectiveness of this!

Me in life...

when you have to do this because the code looks correct but you're not sure what the heck is wrong because it doesn't make sense

- Boss server is down
- Can you reboot it?
- Oh well... how can i explain you...

JavaScript, also known as Java for short…. (can't believe this is real…)

That awkward moment when your shower has a better commit streak than you.

Apparently I, the Intern, am the only developer at this company with any experience with Version Control. My Boss just asked me for 'Documentation on how to create a Repository in GitHub'...

"There's a big button that says 'Create Repository'. CLICK IT."

About two years ago I get roped into a something when someone was requesting an $8000 laptop to run an "program" that they wrote in Excel to pull data from our mainframe.

In reality they are using our normal application that interacts with the mainframe and screen scrapping it to populate several Excel spreadsheets.

So this guy kept saying that he needed the expensive laptop because he needed the extra RAM and processing power for his application. At the time we only supported 32 bit Windows 7 so even though I told him ten times that the OS wouldn't recognize more than 3.5 GB of RAM he kept saying that increasing the RAM would fix his problem. I also explained that even if we installed the 64 bit OS we didn't have approval for the 64 bit applications.

So we looked at the code and we found that rather than reusing the same workbook he was opening a new instance of a workbook during each iteration of his loop and then not closing or disposing of them. So he was running out of memory due to never disposing of anything.

Even better than all of that, he wanted a faster processor to speed up the processing, but he had about 5 seconds of thread sleeps in each loop so that the place he was screen scrapping from would have time to load. So it wouldn't matter how fast the processor was, in the end there were sleeps and waits in there hard coded to slow down the app. And the guy didn't understand that a faster processor wouldn't have made a difference.

The worst thing is a "dev" that thinks they know what they are doing but they don't have a clue.

Spent hours finding the problem in code. Suddenly something happens! Code works! Now I'm spending hours finding what made it work.

What does @dfox say?

I love karma :P

Pro tip: preserve your job by not documenting it.

Had to implement a search feature for a client so I did and told him to check it out (it was a LIKE SQL statement)

He tested it out by typing in iPhone and Phone (there was an item called iphone in the database) and he was amazed about the fact it worked for some reason.

A real answer from him:
"it's working.. how is it working?
each item is tagged to multiple keywords without the user doing anything"

I said it's just a text search but I guess I should've said I'm using an advanced AI to extract all possible terms related to the item title.

I laughed and cringed shortly after.

TFW when just an hour of peer programming solve all your problems that have been bogging you down for a week.

Having problems with your boot sequence? don't worry I'm here to help!

Exception handling: when you really like a cute girl and are about to ask her out. Still you kinda also chit chat with her slighly less cute friend in case something goes wrong.

When the junior developer is getting mad at a simple function not working.

Project manager asks why server is down. Reminded him that his team lead told me three months ago it was no longer needed.

When your sysadmins can't script a file compare and so you do the code for them.
"Sorry but we can't run unknown code on the server"
Read the code then you vile troglodytes!

look guys I found the cloud

someone filtered stackoverflow in the office.
can't access it now.
:(

Had a request from a client once, "I'd like that our site supports only IE10 and above. However if the visitor uses older IE version, say IE6, things should look and work the same as IE10".

'this' in JavaScript

Enough said :|