There is a spider outside my window at work that I've named Vanessa. She is a web developer. And every time I squash a bug, I feed it to her.

Friend : I know how to program!
Me : Cool! What language do you program in?
Friend opens notepad and names file program.bat
You have disappointed me

😂 😂 😂

I do push-ups and sit-ups whilst running long running CPU-intensive jobs so that I can feel the burn along with my CPU.

‎I can't find intelligent life anywhere!

How to quit smoking as a developer, tutorial:
#1: You're only allowed to smoke when every unit test is passing.
#2: ???
#3: Profit

Friend: I wiped this drive, and then I open it in my Hex viewer app, and it's all zeros!

Me: yeah?

Friend: Why isn't it empty?

Me: uh well a drive must have its bits set to some value and can't just nothingness so zeros is just a default meaningless value that resolves to nothing..

Friend: No, but why is it full of zeros? why it isn't empty?

...

I attempted several times and then exploded. rip self

And I didn't find my emails for days...

Interviewer: Which number comes after 8?;
Me: 9;
Interviewer: Get out of here.;

I still don't know why I got rejected in Microsoft interview.

A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero" The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."

Is this the code life
Another scrum meeting
Caught in the the Node life
No escape from reality
Open your eyes
Look up to the screens and see..
I'm just a dev boy
Doing some debugging
Because there's warnings here
Errors there
Segment faults
Everywhere
Anytime you distract
Takes another hour from me
From me

*piano starts

Mama. Just committed a bug
Merge the branch to production
Did it fast for milestones
Mama. The repo has just begun
But now they going to throw the stack away.
Mama. U u u uu
Didn't mean to code in LAMP
But it's the only stack i know how to setup
In Ubuntu. Without docker
I really don't get vagrant

*piano

It's too late
My team is done
Some dev is working in Nepal
A UX dev. Now what is that?
Goodbye everybody
I've got to go
Gotta leave this lame meeting
And face the truth
Oh nooooo. I i interns
(they have questions)
I want to debug
I don't want to stay till 3 in the morning

*epic guitar

I see a litlle dev over there
Let's code review, let's code review
Did he do the last commit?
Coding in the white board
Very very frightening me
That's bug(that's a bug)
That's a bug (that's a bug)
What the f*ck did you do that?
Magnificcooooooo

I was just coding and nobody liked it
He was coding and nobody liked it, spare his some time to do his debugging

Easy man. Here go. Will you let me code?
A meeting. No,we will not let you code. ( let me code)
A meeting. we will not let you code. ( let me code)
A meeting. we will not let you code. ( let me code)
We will not let you code
Never never let you go
Never let you code, oh
No no no no no no no
Oh mama mia, mama mia ( dude, you've gotta let me code)
Screw you guys, I'm gonna code and commit. Commit. Comiiiiitt!

*epic guitar

So you think you can review me and spit in my eye?
So you think you can dump me and erase my branch?
Oh baby, cant do this to me baby
I've just have to log out.
I've just have to log outta here

*epic guitar solo

Nothing really matters
The users will not care
Nothing really matters
To them

Any way this code blows

Stages of learning angular js
1. Wtf
2. I think I get it.
3. Wtf

6 min 38 sec Skype Meeting that could have been covered in an email..WHY?!?!

What Developers and Drug Dealers have in common: They both refer to their clients as users.

A friend was teaching me networks... after while though he just started drawing desk setups...

Just fuck it

Boss walks by my desk. Stops by the printer when coming back and brings me this.

Am weak 😂😂😂

#wife {
right: 100%;
margin: 0;
}

Hey, I am new here and I am only in the early stages of learning how to code, but I already like devRant a lot. This is a cool communty.
If anyone wants to know, I am learning Java.

Hope this hasn't been posted before, found it hilarious.
From /r/ProgrammerHumor

At this point I think the "algo" is a secret team that's being held hostage and forced to sort the rants by hand 😂😂

30 minutes doing,
another 30 minutes undoing.
Thanks MICROSOFT...

I will find it a girl/boy friend, and it will lose it's job and I can have mine back

xD xD xD

I'd become a gardner:
Different sandbox but still fighting bugs.

Security patches installed and servers blessed by the Pope... Ready for any threat!

It's ok computer. I go to sleep after 20 mins of inactivity too.

Downloading from amazon s3 with the such amazingly fast speeds as 25.96 kB/s

Sad reality!