How is it possible that i remember fluently my aliases, shortcuts in vim, bindings in i3wm and yet forget the name of the person that was introduced to me 5 minutes ago.

If a programmer owns a death note :

writes an asterisk * and the world would just end like that

Image scaling

Close relative: Hey, what is my gmail password?
Me: I have no idea.
Him: but you created the gmail account for me a couple years ago.
Me: Yeah, I helped you to create it and I warned you to remember your password.
Him: didn’t you write it down somewhere?
Me: no, I didn’t, you fucking useless piece of shit. I am not your fucking password manager.

Well I was modelling a dragon for a game and the scales were really hard to do.

My friend said "I googled it on duck duck go"

Me: Dude what?

People are worried that AI will replace them in their jobs.

But guys.

We are still using php.

I think we are safe for the next 200 years.

i love programming cz it's fucking awesome

fuckpress.Pi
Yep, thata right. Fuck Wordpress Raspberry Pi. Thanks to my inability to interact with proton mail filtering I just made a script that checks for a new email and if it contains words "wordpress", "help", " hack", "build" and it is not from whitelisted contact, the email is moved to the Fuckpress folder and automatic reply is sent back that I AM NOT FUCKING DOING YOUR GAYPRESS FUCKING SHIT FOR YOUR 5$ CUNT.
rant over

These guys were studying for a Java exam...from PRINTED OUT PHONE PICTURES OF CODE ON THEIR SCREENS

pls keep this in your mind!!! please!

My wife came home from her baby shower with this onesie. It made me so happy.

margin-left: 100px;

His last day...all mouse devices

Trying to make some 8-bit style door sprite.

So I recently was donated a bunch of old iPhones to fix up and resell. When I turned on one of the iPhone 5s'es, I was greeted with this:

Okey-dokey... I guess I'll just sit here and wait...

*In Office
Coworker raises his head, looks at boss: "I'm leaving".

Boss raises head looks at coworker: "Ok".

All this took 5 seconds,..the weirdest 5 seconds of my life

You know why i hate lenovo with a burning passion? Not because they make industrial waste and sell it. Not because they trick non tech people into buying their garbage. No, i hate them because their shitass laptops dont even fit in my rubbish bin.

trying to subtle influence the kids. custom desktop on learning-computer

Okay okay here's another one

Client:pls put a pop up that asks the users weather they are sure about leaving the page.
Me: I think that would be redundant
Since he clicked the close button to close the page.
Client: what if he is unsure of leaving the page now he will stay.
Me: :/
Client:And another one when his login fails.
Me: pop ups can be disabled it's not good to use them especially for login screen.
Client (now slightly annoyed): Well,put a pop up warning them not to, isn't it obvious.God!!! I thought you were the smart one.
Me:;/

I changed my name on here. When i go back, looking at old rants of mine, people are mentioning "some dude" who doesnt exist anymore.

If only hiding from the government was that easy

To the developers that still use flash player for their games, fuck you.
My grandma wants to play some games and i can't fuckin make it work since your piece of shit games still use that piece of shit flash that in 2 years will be dropped fuckin scumbags. And now i'm trying to find a way either to explain to her how retarded you are or find a browser that supports this piece of shit.

You know what’s more annoying than someone downvoting your answer on Stack Overflow without leaving a comment explaining why?

When it’s your own answer to your own question...

"Some time ago I wanted to rewrite my old project. I saw code without comments and cried. Cried so much."

Programming teacher in college

People who teach us programming usually write a quicksort every year for 5-10 years. It is sad af :(

Don't be like Bob

------------ Programmer's Fact -----------

The root is at the top of the Tree🌳.

.

IntelliJ, you know I love you... But WTF ?!

Damn.I can copy better then this😂😂😂

Nice Easter egg?
Was just typing in some random words..

But yeah. Vim for the win 👍

The best data privacy policy...