I met my girlfriend cooking. She has no programming experience whatsoever and is quite computer illiterate. But that's fine as that's not something I need in a partner.

She regularly asks me what I'm working on. I'll try to explain it, and sometimes she definitely gets it, but sometimes she's clearly lost as fuck. She'll enthusiastically say things like "that's awesome honey!" To things that are just explanations. Sometimes it makes me laugh. Most of the time it leaves me in this weird confused state, like she's just pandering.

But I know she means well and wishes me the best. She's an amazing woman, and even if she doesn't get a single thing I try to explain, I'd much rather be with that than the "Why the fuck are you always playing on the computer?" Types of people I meet far more often.

- Hello! Gordon's pizza?
- No sir it's Google's pizza.
- So it's a wrong number?
- No sir, Google bought it.
- OK. Take my order please ..
- Well sir, you want the usual?
- The usual? You know me?
- According to our caller ID, in the last 12 times, you ordered pizza with cheeses, sausage, thick crust
- OK! This is it
- May I suggest to you this time ricotta, arugula with dry tomato?
- No, I hate vegetables
- But your cholesterol is not good
- How do you know?
- Through the subscribers guide. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years
- Okay, but I do not want this pizza, I already take medicine
- You have not taken the medicine regularly, 4 months ago, you only purchased a box with 30 tablets at Drugsale Network
- I bought more from another drugstore
- It's not showing on your credit card
- I paid in cash
- But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your bank statement
- I have other source of cash
- This is not showing as per you last Tax form unless you got it from undeclared income source
-WHAT THE HELL? Enough! I'm sick of Google, Facebook, twitter, WhatsApp. I'm going to an Island without internet,where there is no cell phone line and no one to spy on me
- I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport as it has expired 5 weeks ago..

Implementing a while loop subconsciously

I laughed hard..😂

Hahahaha 😂😂😂

For real?

cHaNgE mY MiNd

App idea!

A normal social media app. But everytime a user taps on opposite gender's profile pic, it secretly records his face during that activity and then tweets that recording.
@his/her_username
@username_of_person_he_was_looking_at

🤣🤣🤣🤣

except Exception as e
pass

Meanwhile MicroSoft windows update be like this

JavaScript can do anything...✌️

Real developers don't use debuggers. They stare deep into the screen and let the code confess

Interviewer : "Do you know SQL ?"
Me : "Yes sir. I know SQL and I prefer NoSQL."
Interviewer : "So you know SQL and you don't want to do it for our company ?? This is arrogant !! "

Me: *types "recursion" into google*
Google: Did you mean: recursion
Me: *clicks the suggestion, even tho I see no error*
Google: Did you mean: recursion
Me: ohh I see. I feel stupid

How Wireshark works

Did anyone notice this?
Today's date is a palindrome: 8 10 2018
👻😍

✈️ to my girlfriend's place to meet her after years of long distance relationship.
Wish me luck guys

Had to post this...

Someone: What do you do for a living?
Me: I tell computers how to be computers in their language.

Truth. Gentlemen.

When you use a new technology without reading the documentation first.

Client: This works correctly, but I don’t like the code.

Me: What exactly do you not like?

Client: There are barely any lines of code. You need to add more to make it better.

I...I don’t know what to say.

How are you doing today?

A client requested that right-clicks be blocked on a website so that users couldn't copy (it on their words, "steal") content...

How many programmers dose it take to change a lightblub?

None, it's a hardware problem.

Well, shit.

Girlfriend (she has little idea of tech) was asking if I could fix her notebooks wifi.

I didn't answer that for a week.

Yesterday she really needed wifi, so she went to google and followed several posts - until she managed find the problem and to reinstall her wifi driver for the first time! She was so proud of herself.

I hope I'll never forget that grin of her - full of triumph!

I couldn't be more proud of her myself

For times where normal creme just doesn't cut it 😂😂😂

Suggestions for swag store 😉