Boy: I love You
Girl: I have a boyfriend
Boy: sudo I love You
Girl: Please enter root password:
Boy: 123456789
Girl: Wrong. Please enter root password:
Boy: root
Girl: Wrong. Please enter root password:
Boy: qwerty
Girl: Wrong. You have tried 3 times.
Girl: I have boyfriend.
Boy: Dammit.
Girl: Command not found.

Day 57: Visual Studio is still uninstalling...

Programmer fired for following bad practice.

Refuses to comment

how to improve UX

Great phrase from my PM (sarcasm):
"Don't waste time with maintainable code, we have a lot of bugs to solve"

Frontm End vs Back End

Chatting on Slack with a junior dev:

[Junior Dev] How do I get that file from the server ?
[Me] ssh into it and then use scp

I see Junior across the room, literally saying "shshh..." at the computer.

Packed my stuff and quit that day.

True story.

More Unix commands are becoming web services. What else can you think of?

Grep -> Google
rsync -> Dropbox
man -> stack overflow
cron -> ifttt"

My face when a developer suggests to use Windows server instead of Linux for speed and security reasons

When you go to paste a piece of code with CTRL+V and accidentally press CTRL+C instead so you have to go back and re-copy it.

Nothing to say here...

So true

"They told me to install Linux! Do you have the exe with crack?"

Me: ∆_∆

On his first week at job, the junior says:

Hey guys! Check out this new website I found! You'll thank me later.

Meanwhile, in real life...

when your janitor knows his audience

I hate programming.
I hate programming.
I hate programming.
IT WORKS!
I love programming.

Recipe for Ice Coffee:
1: Make Coffee
2: Start coding
3: Forget you made Coffee
4: Drink it cold

I was explaining git and Github to one of my friends during our boring maths class when he asked : "What is the difference between git and Github?". Just then another friend of mine sitting in front turns out and said : "It's like the difference between porn and Pornhub".

all unit tests passing

Spend half an hour finding music to listen to while I code; Pause it after 30 seconds to concentrate on refactoring. Stays paused for rest of day.

Really getting the most out of those expensive new headphones.

I went to Paris for my first interview (that was 1989) for a job of Unix kernel developer. All dressed up. I step out of the elevator and see a young punk with scruffy hair and different colour shoes. I reckon he must be the pizza delivery guy. I ask him "dude, can you please point me to the CEO's office for interview". He said "sure, follow me man, I'll show you". We arrive at a desk, he sat down in the big chair and looks at me with a big smile and says "Ok dude, here we are. I am the CEO. Now let's see how good you are!"
I got the job. And 26 years latet, last week, amazing coincidence: I met him again at a trade show in Paris ... with the same coloured shoes. How cool is that!!!

My girlfriend dumped me after I named a class after her. She felt I treated her like an object.

Is UX really that important?

Exceptional handling

When people don't listen to training and just realize today that they can upload files to our internal system.

Its been this way since 2003 you mother fucking idiots.