What devrant taught me:

Everyone hates java
Everyone hates php
Everyone hates spaces
Everyone hates tabs
Everyone hates vim
Everyone hates windows
Everyone hates gnu+linux
Everyone hates clients
Everyone hates PMs
Everyone hates every language they're not working with
Everyone loves devrant 😀😄😙

Advanced Traffic Simulation [more details]

"If Java had true garbage collection, most programs would delete themselves upon execution." - Robert Sewell

!rant

Customer: What's the difference between an antivirus and an antimalware?

Me: *thinks for a second* So an antimalware program is like if you're on a beach with a metal detector. You're looking around for metal that's already buried in the sand. An antivirus is like actively watching people for if they drop metal on the ground.

Customer: That's an interesting analogy.

Coworker: *quietly* That's a actually a really good analogy...

Found this on the Github trending list

My last night:
- Had nothing much to work on.
- Opened a porn site to spend sometime.
- Clicked on some really good video.
- Realized full screen isn't working on the page.
- Fired up JS console, spent the next 30 minutes trying to get the video part full screen. Failed!
- Opened up Google & navigated through stackoverflow looking for the fix. Still couldn't do it.
- Cursed the website for having a bad design.
- Left the site.

Bad UI = No Fuck.

"Please disable AdBlock to view the content."

No. I'll just leave. Bye.

Real programmers don't comment their code. It was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.

So this happened last night...

Gf: my favorite bra is not fitting me anymore
Me: get a new one ?
Gf: but it is a C already.
Me: get a c++.

After 5 sec i bursted in laughter, she was confused.

Every programmers dream convo

Best story ever

This really happened to me yesterday at work.

Me: *walks into office*
Coworker: Hey Will, I got a question for you
Me: I...[read more]

please don't...

Thanks @dfox for adding the double tap to upvote feature, I mean, bug. You're a saint

Use Vim. What could happen?...

My friend said, "Java is better than Linux."

Trying to extend 15 year old code.

Found

#define private public

at the beginning of a sourcecode file....

Time to go home.

Stackoverflow is down. I'm no longer a developer.

I asked marketing how to rank higher on devrant, that's what they came up with:

A couple of years ago the PM for the project I was working on committed to a 3 week deadline on a HUGE ASS project. The client was a massive telecommunications company and the project consisted on the websites for over 30 countries. When I confronted him, he told me he needed PROOF that the project wasn't going to be done in 3 weeks (WTF!?)...
He made the design, front end and back end teams start working in parallel (WTF!?)... Needless to say, the project wasn't done in 3 weeks, or in 10, or in 50... this was in 2014... the project hasn't been finished yet. Thankfully, I managed to get off that ship after 2 hellish months.

The sales team sold a project using our 'innovative framework', which had 'prebuilt components', which we 'only needed to plug n play' with a 10 week deadline. Of course, the framework didn't exist. Guess who was the lucky guy who had to create the framework AND finish the project in 10 weeks? fml...

A client complained about the visual designs containing 'lorem ipsum' text because they 'didn't understand spanish'. And that they wanted their site in english...