When my manager asks me if I can fix all the bugs on the board by the weekend: 'look, I have a covenant with God: I don't do miracles, He doesn't code.'

When your non-programmer boss thinks after explaining a program design to you, his sitting by you and staring at your screen will help you code it faster...

Found this amazing

Boss: we have to fix this bug.
Me: It is not a bug ..the server takes more time to send the response which cause the timeout issue . we may need to change the implementation to increase the performance to send the response quickly. It will take some time
Boss: okay can we fix this by today
Me: ya if we increase timeout to 20 seconds the issue is fixed
Boss: No we want the server to send the response quickly and we need the fix now

I worked for the weekend to fix it finally......Guess what ....the change dint go live since the scenario was not valid and will never likely to happen in production

that moment when you finally find the solution and you feel like I've done great work today.. enough of coding :D

Watching a well written Selenium unit test doing its thing is one of my most satisfying jobs.

"Who is JSON, and why is he on my website"

Clients. 😂😂

When the boss externalize a mobile app that it could be done internally with existing resources for 10% of the external price and at the end the mobile app experience has creepy experience and so bad reviews ... In the meeting, Boss says that we learn to our fails but I was thinking something else:

Dennis Ritchie being a thug..

when you work from a sample...

Estimations:

2 days = One day of actual coding, one day of doing something completely unrelated.
3 days = One week
5 days = Two weeks
7 days = Forget about it...

drives me crazy when people send log or code snippets in slack and don't create a code snippet and send through as a plain message.

Started work on redeveloping a module for our system, I look at the database document and see two fields, one for date and one for time. Both are full date time and the data is stored like so:
Date I want to store: 2016-04-09 05:54:00
Date: 2016-04-09 00:00:00
Time: 1899-01-01 05:54:00

When you read those job ads "Must be able to work well under pressure and to tight deadlines in a busy office etc.."
Who would willingly walk in to such a shitty role. Perhaps if they fired the management things would improve.