I have a telephone headset with a "confusing" mute button. Sometimes it works normally, but quite often it will "double-toggle" (toggle twice as though I pressed it twice, which essentially has no effect) - so I'm either left muted or left un-muted, the same as before I pressed the button at all - so I have to press it again, sometimes several times, for it to actuary work.

While I'm at my desk, I have a visual indicator of mute status (a light that turns green for un-muted or red for muted), so I can easily tell if my mic is hot or not. My old headset had a nice audible beep reminder if I was muted, but the new headset? Nope, not-so-much.

I work from home, while my wife works at an office; so each morning she leaves, but I stay in the home office. I almost always see her off one way or another, usually doing or saying something funny as she heads out.

So, one day, I'm on a large conference call with a number of cross-team managers, and my wife is about to head out the door. With the meeting droning on in my headset, I was in the kitchen with her for a while helping finish clean up after breakfast and getting her ready to go.

She needed to pack an ice-pack for some reason, and for the random humor of it, I start screaming something to the effect of "GIMMIE YO ICE PACKS - GIMMIE ALLLL YO ICE PACKS - YEAH! YEAH! IMMA PUT MY BAAAAAAAAALLLLLS ON IT - WHOOOOOOOOO!"

During which time I am jumping around like a crazy person, including actually grabbing one of the ice packs, putting it down the front of my pants and screaming. Loudly.

It was after my own screaming I overheard more than one person yelling on the bridge line "YOU'RE NOT MUTED! YOU'RE NOT MUTED!"

I have seldom felt such raw, unadulterated panic.

I rushed back to my home office - yes, the green light is on my desk - my mic is hot. When I pressed mute at some point earlier in the call, it double-toggled, leaving me un-muted, and I never knew.

Even more embarrassing was the chat session I saw on my computer screen. It was from my manager (one of the managers on the call) - he had pinged me several times while I was in the kitchen.

It read something like:

hey, you there?
is that your phone
I think your phone isn't muted
mute
dude, mute
is that you?
MUTE!
did you just say balls?

"You need me to fix a report? Ok... Since I don't have access to that server, email me the report."

"Umm, it doesn't have connection info. Can you send me the username/pass for the DB?"

"Ok, so the DB isn't set to work normally on this report and has to be a UDL file... Can you send me that file?"

"All done, here you go!"

"WTF do you mean you're getting a database connection error and you're looking to me to fix it? You seriously don't remember that it's all shit you gave me?"

My life would be so much easier if I could just consistently spell lenght, I mean, lentgh, I mean length DAMN IT!

Client asked to change the shade of blue to a little lighter shade. Deleted the hex code and typed the same hex code again and showed it to him. Instantly approved.

Fucked up an sql join once and accidentally deleted myself from the employee​ table in the prod database. So I kinda fired myself... Good thing we had backups. 😂

Drawbacks of using Linux and Windows side by side?
While using Visual studio I keep typing ESC :w for saving and then on Vim I keep pressing Ctrl + s.
Urghhhhh!!!

Previous Job I had finished a website for a client but the launch date was delayed (the logo was being redesigned) and when the client was ready to launch I was on holiday

Before I went I sent the files to my colleague and asked him to do the launch but spelt his email wrong

Never checked my emails on holiday so the client had to wait 2 weeks for his website to launch

UPDATE on production. Forgot the WHERE... bugger... Panic time!

My home is under renovation and so my desktop is disassembled and in the box for more than a week now . I feel depressed, aimless and meaningless.

To the junior dev in my office:

I may be old, but my generation fought wars so you could have your precious emojis. I mean, they were browser wars, but many lives were lost and families destroyed.

Which side are you on? Lol

Me and a junior coder are working on a project. However, he likes to think he's funny and say "Ok google" to stop me from using my phone.

He said "Ok google, search midget porn" when I was calling my mom so naturally I need to get back at him, so when he's in the rec room, I backed up all his code on my flash drive, and copied it to the clipboard, and removed all project files from his computer.

He came back while I was in the bathroom, and when I reentered the room and was balling his eyes out, that his project was gone. I said to him, don't ok google me again and I handed him the flash drive back. He has never done anything bad again.

/* A normal day at office */

// A non tech guy sitting next to me
// Wants to save a file on his system.
Him: Moves Cursor. Clicks File->Save.
Me: *facepalm*
<!-- moments later -->
// Time to save a file
Me: Ctrl-SSS
Runs code.
<!-- insert picture here -->
Me: Alt-TAB. Ctrl-Z. Ctrl-S.
Him: *sigh*

Yay practical algorithms!

My colleague has a Masters in linguistics, his comments are... thorough

Android devs be like.

Don't understand USB storage?
Well here it is, in a nutshell -