So this fucking happened today.

Me: *sees support ticket coming in about some kind of login issue*

Me: *opens issue*

"Hello, I can't seem to login. There's an error"

Me: *sighs and thinks "at least give me that FUCKING error message then." *kindly replies with asking if they could send me the error message*

"Here it is. I don't understand what is going wrong
and what I have to do"

Me: *looks at error message*

"Invalid customer ID. Please make sure that your ID is correct. You can find it in the activation email we sent you when you registered".

😐 😶 😦

Me: *thinking okay what the fuck, are you fucking retarded or something?*

Me: *kindly replies: "It seems that you are not using the correct customer ID. You might want to look for it in the activation email we sent you!"*

"Oh okay thanks, how did you figure that out?"

Me: 😵 😐 😶 😭 🔫

Seriously what the actual fucking fuck.

"Please disable AdBlock to view the content."

No. I'll just leave. Bye.

Developer: We have a problem.
Manager: Remember, there are no such things as problems, only opportunities.
Developer: Well then, we have a DDoS opportunity.

Yoda speaks like he wasn't careful with his async calls

"a Jedi You are"

Well yeah. He is right!

Linux doesn't need viruses people fuck that shit up themselves

I was explaining git and Github to one of my friends during our boring maths class when he asked : "What is the difference between git and Github?". Just then another friend of mine sitting in front turns out and said : "It's like the difference between porn and Pornhub".

My friend said this,

Roses are red,
The screen turned blue,
I'm not a programmer,
What the fuck do I do.

-Laughed at Gitlab the other day
-Accidentally dropped my db today.

fuck karma

Worst part of being a dev?
Unanswered stackoverflow question that exactly matches your problem

Use Vim. What could happen?...

Boss: “Do you think you can work on Saturday? We really need the help.”

Me: “Yes, of course.”

Boss: “Great, thank you.”

Me: “I’ll probably be late, though, as public transport is slow on the weekends.”

Boss: “Okay, when do you think you will be at the office?”

Me: “Monday”.

Right now someone at Google is coding something useless for us to laugh at on April Fools.

Check out this superb website that I made..

http://localhost:8080

"History is never made by those who use Incognito browsers" - Anonymous

Asks Cortana to tell a joke, and Cortana opens Bing. Made my day, well played Cortana

"Are you familiar with uploading your code to Google Drive?"

I left the building at that exact moment.

Coding Teacher: "you'll need your laptops for the exam. To prevent you from cheating I'll disable the network now"

...pulls out the network cable on his machine...

"okay you can start now"
🤦🏻‍♂️

*Me and my GF who works for CIA*

Me: Send nudes
GF: Whose do you want ?

"You're the backend to my frontend " sounded more romantic and less perverted in my head...

F.lux to keep me going all night long.
Without eye strain :)

when you google way too much and you need to prove 'im not a robot'😐

I just love pressing F5.

Why you say?

Cause it's so refreshing.

Excellent Database table design...

🎶 He's making a list
He's testing it twice
SELECT * FROM users WHERE behavior="nice"
SQL-clause is coming
To town. 🎶

Girl: we need to talk

Me: OK

Girl: you seem to have more time for your computer than me. I want to know how important I am to you.

Me: You are the number 1 in my life.

Girl: *smiles and hugs me*

Me: (thinking)...Just that I start counting from 0

In IoT, S stands for "security"

Question: What is the most used language in programming?

Answer: Profanity

"Whenever I see a door that says push I pull first to prevent conflicts"

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