Today I took the risk of upgrading my gradle to a newer version

5 and a half hours later I figured it was a bad decision.

:/

My goals:
- Resist the urge to kill my boss
- Graduate
- Remember, I'd be someone's bitch in prison so definitly don't murder my boss
- Find an amazing new job
- Work in new job for some years to avoid suspicion, then kill former boss..

Shit happens... but never let your shit go to far... specially while in production or drunk.

Tech Industry: “We need more developers!”

NewDev: “Hire me”

Tech Industry: “only experienced developers please! We don’t have time to train juniors ”

Older Dev: “Hire me”

Tech Industry: “no, you want too much money and too much time off“

Mid dev: “Hire me”

Tech Industry: “only experienced devs who are a culture fit!”

Robot dev: “Hire me”

Tech Industry: “You are Hired”

Try => fail
Try => fail
Try => fail
Try => fail
Try => little success
Try => fail
Try => fail
Try => I think I've got it
Try => almost there
Try => fail
Try => fail
Try => oh, is that the problem?
Try => fail
.
.
.
=> SUCCESS

CS lecturer and I were sitting in the canteen trying to discuss something on my laptop. While waiting for it to load this is what we discussed:

Me: funny story, this weekend I was out with my friends an.......

Lecturer: *hang on* ... you have friends?

I trust machines more than humans.

Except when I'm hitting that Ctrl+S. Gotta hit it at least like 4 times before I can start believing :-P

When your bugfix destroys everything

Internship number two.

*walks downstairs to get a coffee*
*CTO (my guider) walks in*
CTO: (dead serious face) "linuxxx (not using my first name :P), come with me please"
*walks along to his office, starting to get reallly fucking nervous*
*CTO and me walk into his office, he sits down and looks at me very serious*
*I'm slightly shaking, nervous, sweating*
CTO: "So."
*oh yes here it is its gonna come I did something wrong fuck fml 😫😥😨😩*
CTO: "So you know quite some stiff around security/privacy. Could you tell me some stuff about why I'd want to use VPN and recommend me some good providers? 😀"
😅
*nearly falls onto the ground from relief*

I explained him some stuff and sent him a list of good providers 😀

Manager: Write a function to get tomorrow's date.

Kids:

int getTomorrowsDate() {
return getCurrentDate() + 1;
}

Legends:

int getTomorrowsDate() {
sleep(1000*60*60*24);
return getCurrentDate();
}

one of our computers at work suddenly shut down. our boss panicked like it was the end of the world cause he knew we couldnt buy a new one and we desperately need the computer. when i came in he started telling me he's gonna pay me extra if i fix the computer

me: *checks cpu and finds out it was unplugged* u sure bout that?
him: hell yea, id rather pay u that buy a new one

*30 mins later*

me: *plugs it back in and pushes power button* its done

>> guess who's got extra money without any extra efforts yay

If Programming Languages Were Girls:

Java: Your current girlfriend, you've been going steady for a while now. Things are okay.

Kotlin: The girl Java finds you cheating on, she's just amazing, and you wish you'd met her sooner.

Visual Basic: The girl you accidentally started a relationship with because you didn't know how to say no. But quickly realised your mistake and regretted it.

JavaScript: A childhood friend you occasionally hook up with. But you could never settle for a relationship with them.

Python: A bossy, manipulative girl who quickly turned things sour. But everyone else loves her because of her huge libraries.
-----------------------------------------------------
My and a co worker were joking the other day about what programming languages would be like if they were girls. This is what we came up with (Original inspiration: the Distracted Boyfriend meme (Feel free to add your own!)).

!rant

Customer: What's the difference between an antivirus and an antimalware?

Me: *thinks for a second* So an antimalware program is like if you're on a beach with a metal detector. You're looking around for metal that's already buried in the sand. An antivirus is like actively watching people for if they drop metal on the ground.

Customer: That's an interesting analogy.

Coworker: *quietly* That's a actually a really good analogy...

Looking for a bug.

Plugged headphone into my ears.

Suddenly part of code caught my attention, started debugging.

10 minutes of intense debugging, wondering why there's no music in my ear.

Realised I forgot to plug the headphone into my mobile :(

OK, I've had enough of this bullshit!
Why the hell do some people pronounce 'Z' as 'C' !?!
FUCK THESE PEOPLE!

Now, you might ask yourself: "But how is this tech related?".
WELL... I was trying to get into a server and had someone spell the password for me; AND GUESS WHO MISSPELLED THE PASSWORD THREE FUCKING TIMES SO HE GOT LOCKED OUT OF THE FUCKING SERVER BECAUSE OF THIS SHIT!!!
FUCK . FUCK . FUCK . FUCK . FUCK!!!!!

- Why isn't this script working
- Review Error Log
"Incorrect Syntax: line 122"
- There is no line 122
**3 Hours Pass
- Damn had an old broken version of the script still running in the background 😐🔫

Devrant feature request: auto delete posts with -2 or worse rating and contains an attached image.

#sickofshittyposts

I like to right justify my comments to save space and make it easy to see what's happening on a line by line basis

How did the Stack Overflow developers debug their code?!? :O

when Administrator Gives Full Internet Access

😉😉👍

Happens all the time in busy schedule... :P

Dev rant needs dark background with white text

"When you have a problem you can't solve, just google it. If you don't find another person that has encountered the same problem/error as you, you're doing something wrong."

- Software Engineering teacher, 2016

A programmer walks into a bar. He says "I'll have 0x01 root beers".

The bartender pours him a root beer.

Another programmer walks into a bar. He says "I'll have 1.0f root beers".

The bartender pours the second programmer a root beer float.

Me everytime on git

So True

how many are waiting for #Google I/O on 18th may

I think,I should write my own programming language so I'll be more productive on ... stackoverflow !

Starting the day with 4 bugs to squash...end the day with 3 done and 7 to go... Wait.. What??