If restaurants functioned like Microsoft:

Patron: Waiter!
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?
Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.
Patron: No, it's still there.
Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead.
Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there. 
Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using? 
Patron: A SOUP bowl! 
Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up? 
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer;what has that to do with the fly in my soup?! 
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup? 
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day! 
Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day? 
Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day?? 
Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour. 
Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now? Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.
Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now.

[waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check]

Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.
Patron: This is potato soup.
Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.
Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.
[waiter leaves.]

Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!

The check:

Soup of the Day . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . . . . . . . $2.50
Access to support . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $1.00

At Google headquarters:

"Today seems to be a bright day"
*Angular 5 is out*

"Sir, I need to change something small, shall I do a pull?"
*Angular 6 is out*

"It's Pichai's birthday today!"
*Angular 7 is out*

"Wussup"
*Angular 8 is out*

day 1 - colleague buys a mini need pistol

day 2 - other colleague buys a big nerf pistol

day 4 - other colleague buys a f#&$ nerf shotgun

day 7 - I buy a automatic nerf gun

day 8 - huge nerf war with other co-workers

day 9 - nerf weapons banned on the office

yesterday - wait colleague leave the office and shoot him on the face every time

today - everyone walking crouched leaving the office

Please, if you are the someone else's boss, don't ban nerf guns, it's worse..

My wife asks me how I can stare at a computer screen all day at work, then come home and continue to use a computer for the evening..

I respond that it's 95% of the only light I see all day..

My brother just started learning web development. Day 1 of playing on his own domain, and he breaks his WP install twice in an hour. He sends me the following text:

This is like a horribly frustrating game.

Best summary of software development I've ever heard, and it's only his first day.

$age++;
echo "Happy Bday to me... 🎊🎉🍰" ;
😄

First day on the job. Here is your machine. Here is the code. It's crashing. It's in production. We tried to fix it and can't. You fix it. No pressure... took two days too fix it. Felt like a legend. Addicted ever since.

At first there was nothing...

Then the software engineer said "LET THERE BE A PROJECT"

and there was a project. And it was [good]

On the secondth day, he said " LET THERE BE GIT", and there was a empty git repo

his colleagues hate him because thy still live in 2001 and they use SVN. But it was {good}

On the thirdth day, he said, "LET THERE BE AUTOMATION" and build systems came, And it was </good>

On the fourth day, he said "LET THERE BE A FRAMEWORK" and a framework was born. Problem is, it didn't work in his machine , so he whined and StackOverflow. It's still ["g", "o", 0, "d"]

on the fifth day, he said " LET THERE BE FRONTEND", and the frontend was born, but his colleagues again, ranted for using Angular instead of React. It's still "good";

And on the sixth day, he said "LET IT BE SOLD TO A CUSTOMER" and it was, but the bloke was a cheapskate wanker and paid him only the half of the contract price. But it was still good.

And on the seventh day, he rested, but he didn't actually, because Developers never rest nor sleep. And it was good

It's such a lovely day, sun is shining, think I'll sit outside with my laptop and a beer and continue working on personal project.

(...goes outside)

It's too bright, can't see shit, plus working on two screens is easier

(goes back inside)

It's going to be a long day.

When you try to clean up your cousin's laptop.

I really hate this company.

The code is a disaster. Every single other employee is a salesperson. Nobody has any bloody clue what I do or how difficult it is. They don't care about stability (unless things are crashing), maintenance (until crashing), code quality (until it delays features), or anything apart from shiny new features they can sell. The boss (the king salesman, if ever there was one) doesn't know how to manage, but tries to by acting like his "nice asshole" self -- he's an asshole that gives you passes, makes sure it's bloody obvious that he's doing it begrudgingly, yet everything is still absolutely your fault. If he arbitrarily decides it's too much your fault, he stops being "nice" and flips out on you in front of everyone. That's a "nice asshole": an asshole who can barely even pretend to be nice.

Fuck him.

And you know what? I really hate having to work next to these fucking birds, too.

Today was our weekly conference call, and I was both late and unprepared. I was too focused on my work, and got a ping 4 minutes into the meeting, so I obv didn't have time to prepare. Boss was also pissy today, and I didn't have much to show for my week, thanks to lots of little "OMG NEED ASAP" shit projects that all took too long, pushing back what I was actually supposed to work on. Which didn't get finished, of course, and today that project was "the most important" -- I suspect simply because it wasn't finished. AGADJFSKL. Cue the birds fucking screaming and never fucking shutting up no matter what I did. Blanket? No effect. Spray bottle? SCREAM MORE! Boss was yelling at me, the birds were screaming, and I couldn't think. Goddamn fucking disaster.

and yes, we have a macaw. A macaw and over 20 cockatiels. Said macaw decided today was a lovely day to just fucking SCREAM non-stop, and the tiels were doing their best to keep up. Thinking clearly during this cacophony? Not gonna happen.

Wait, "go elsewhere," you say? Somewhere quieter? Where is this "elsewhere?" We live in a fucking tiny house, and during the call it was (and still is) filled with sleeping people, and surrounded by a fucking desert. Who the fuck thought living in the desert was a good idea, anyway? Like, seriously. What brainless moron thought "You know what? This is a great place! Let's settle down right here," while trudging through the scorching sand and dust, looking at the basically lifeless horizon filled with large, hot, dry, dusty, barren rocks (aka "mountains"), and fucking dying from thirst? Probably someone so delirious from heatstroke they never actually recovered, and continued raving that it's a goddamn paradise to their heat-addled imbecile followers. I really hope they hallucinated a la-z-boy in place of a hedge of teddybear cholla and died an excruciating and prickly death. Fuck that guy/girl, too.

But I digress.

I seriously need an office that isn't a 30 min drive into gang-central. I'd work outside, but I live in the middle of the bloody fucking desert, and get heat exhaustion within about half an hour. Everywhere else in the house people bother me almost incessantly.

just. FUCKING FJASKLDFJGAG.
I HATE THIS PLACE SO SO SO MUCH.

'I've had such Zen lately,' Alex said. Maybe then, but lately? I've just been too exhausted and burned out from putting up with all this shit to get angry. Days like today? I could pour kerosene over everything and laugh as it all just burned to ash.

Security decided to update our PCs with endpoint protection. It's blocking all connections to and from localhost.

It's been a productive day.

Such enterprise. Much security.

It becomes really creepy when an anonymous 'number' calls you every day at the same time for a few weeks.

Picked up once, random noise and a hangup after two seconds.

It's time to install a root call blocker again :/

My birthday is coming up on the 13th so I'll be 17 soon, but it's a shame. I like being 16...

Anyway... I'm going to spend the entire day working on my python script because I know no one will come.

For 5-6 years no one came to my birthday even though they said they would.

It's fine. I stopped caring, besides, I get to spend the day with variables and loops! It'll be a fun day, not to mention I'll be home alone so no one will bother me.

Useless but interesting fact: I got lucky. I was born ONE MINUTE before Valentine's day. At 11:59 I would be so upset if I was born on the 14th.

Never gonna git you up
Never gonna pull you down
Never gonna fork away
it's a bad day!

Never gonna git you up
Never gonna commit again
Never gonna get issues
That's how it goes

It's me, in my hacktoberfest t-shirt, sitting on my gaming chair with gaming keyboard and mouse, working 12 hours per day for 7 days, coding and pushing bits to server so a client can be happy.

Just coded for ~14h straight. Started doing some super heavy code cleanup and refactoring. Almost cried when I saw my code from the past.

Maybe it's time to call it a day...

It's good to start the day with a fancy cappuccino😍

YAAAAY IT'S FRIDAAAAAY.

At the end of the day it will be a beer and no annoying clients for a few days!

You know it's a bad day when you buy a snickers bar, and then accidentally throw away the bar but keep the wrapper....

My boss caught me out the other day. He asked which browser do we test on. In our documentation it's ff chrome and ie10. In reality it's not ie.

I opened ie for the first time in a long time the other day to find a crap load of bugs. Including the attached.

Picked this up the other day. Hope it's as good as people have been telling me.

If so, then here begins a new journey for me to better code.

Android development is such an enormous realm. It's simply incredible.

Even after more than 2 years of programming android apps, I can experience a different exception every day!

I coded for 9 hours straight. Super productive day with Java Spring Framework. 😁😊

Now it's time for a reward. Time for my favorite game ever.

Stupid tech guy: "You should use Windows, it's bettter"
Me: "No i quit Windows and use Linux"

At the end of the day he updates Windows and got a BSOD...

I laughed and walked off

Rant rant = new Rant
rant.isRant = false // !!!

I woke up this morning after not thinking about my code for a day, and realized i had a flaw in my validation design. I fixed it before opening my eyes.

It's kind of amazing how not thinking about a problem can help solve it. Even if you don't know it's there!

It's going to be a long day...

It's my first day on devRant. It's been hilarious so far. Everyone seems really cool and interesting.

I'd post a rant but I'm more tired than annoyed by anything right now.

Cheers from Argentina!

Job interview today, wish me luck guys.
It's find another job or take my kids to work every day as the hours aren't possible as a single dad.

Today it's Monday. So it's already a shitty day before it starts.
Have a good shitty Monday guys. 👌

Work at a start-up they said. It will be fun they said.
It's awesome, the learning curve is unbelievable.
But your personal life? Destroyed.
Weekends? Sleeping more than 6-7 hours a day? Forget about it.

It's my birthday today, I was born a year after Linus set out to create Linux.
As a dev, I couldn't ask for a better day to celebrate. Thanks Linus!

Everyone is posting a picture about his linux desktop, so I will post a picture of my windows desktop because...

...it's opposite day

Day 1 of my CIT major:

Professor: "...and if we use the right mouse button to click on any file, we can access a complete menu of secondary actions."

It's going to be a long semester.

*suddenly wakes up thinking I'm late for work*

*Realises it's a holiday*

*Goes back to sleep again*

PS: Sadly this happens every other day of week :/

Working on my boss's code. Spent over a day trying to figure out why the array wasn't working to discover it's custom built to start at one.

Another fucking twat asking for a responsive html email when they are targeting outlook. IT USES THAT HEAP IF SHIT WORD AS A RENDERING ENGINE WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT! It's bad enough having to code them up using fucking tables and spacer gifs. Why do IT people stick religiously to Microsoft heap of shit applications... Oh I know it's because they are so fucking shit that it needs a full time twat just to get them through the fucking day. Fuck Microsoft. I guess you can sense I'm having a bad day, especially when my broadband decides to pack in, on and off all fucking day and the support twat puts me on hold then fucks off. FML

when Administrator Gives Full Internet Access

That moment you realise why you enjoy the dev life again.

It's been a long time since I've had a solid day of coding, just coding..., no meetings, no wild requests, no crazy issues, no data fixing because someone can't type a number correctly, just me, myself and that keyboard going on a field trip of quality coding time again.

Ah, it's a good day to end the week on!

Me: I can't get a grasp on frontend and nice interfaces...

Friend: it's actually quite easy:
Rule 1 -Don't reinvent the wheel..
Rule 2 -That does not look like a wheel.

Made my day :D

today morning my boss talking to the designer.

Boss: hey, when we can see the design finished for the web site asked by the client X?

Designer: hmm, about a day and a half, there are many pages and details.

Boss: heheheh, it's impossible, we need it today at the end of the day.

Me insid: wth, then why you ask him about the time like he have a choice..

If YouTube thinks that it's going to coerce me into getting a YouTube Red subscription by inserting a commercial in the middle of a video, it doesn't know very much about me!

I have developed a very useful skill after debugging code day after day. It's called, "patience".

I've become a night worker. To put it mildly, it's become mildly annoying. I start studying/writing code at night and before I know it, it's morning. I can't seem to stop. I then end up feeling weak and sleepy during the day when I need to be awake. If I'm lucky, I get a few hours of sleep during the day. And then at night, it happens all over again. I need to fix this.

So... if github and twitter are both down - I don't have to work today, right? It's like a snow day, isn't it?

Fourth day at new job, hired as a C++ developer.
"We think you'll be a good fit in this team!"
It's a huge JavaScript project. I feel lost and confused 😓

Once a CEO is 24*7 a CEO. For me it's Chief Experiment Officer

And only dreamers can have that title. One who dreams at night and work it out the following day.
Having a startup is much more than just having an idea
It's about revenue,
It's about value,
It's about team,
It's about impact,
It's about growth,
It's about compliance,
It's about being finance, marketing, HR and tech expert at the same time.
It's about respect the supporters,
At the end it's about the money you earn as an individual.
For playing all the above roles, you need to dream real big.

To me startup is about falling in love with your work first.

-
By an Indian CEO

My own text mmorpg and it's selfmade Chat system! <3

Yeah it's barebones and has some flaws, but its the first project I set an worked through with a very pleasing result ^^

It's a CLI-Style interface with a command and chat mode, multiple rooms, user descriptions etc.

Some day I want to improve it even further, bring much more functionality in the mix, but first I would have to reinforce the base/core of the program ^^

"It's like a fucking code orgy."
-CS student describing office hours the day a project is due

naked developer day:
Today I'll work from home, sitting completely naked in front of my mac. Only keyboard, mac and me.

It's a huge saving in clothes and energy to clean them

Perfect job? Does it even exist?

We do a job because it's something others consider tedious or difficult or time consuming.

So my perfect job would be one that feels like a hobby every day and pays very well.

We gave one of our more 'difficult' clients a quote of 30days to rewrite alot of there application. Two hours later we are in a conference call and they have a 'great idea' they will come in for a whole day and share knowledge to speed it up.

For some reason the project manager has decided that it's a good idea for me to be alone in a meeting room all day with 2 people coming in and an 'expert' Skyped in to watch me programming and 'help out'. With all of there knowledge they think it will only take a day...

It's going to be a long Tuesday...

"A developer? What, like a landscape gardener?"

No idea to this day what they meant, but it's always stuck with me!

OK, so I get that we don't have a great reputation for dating but at the same time it's kinda rubbing salt in the wound when a dev company organises a global coding challenge for valentines day.

There's only one pro for this whole day light saving thing when you live in a country which doesn't do daylight saving:

You'll appreciate it better when it's over :-/

As if 10 PM meetings was not bad enough, now it's going to be at 11PM for the next 6 months 😭

My productivity hack? Exercise.

It's amazing what a good workout can do after a long day of work. The stress just melts away and i sleep like a baby!! Ready to rock and roll the next day. 😎

my boss asked me to log in 1h30 after i logged off because "a user has been experiencing this bug the entire day and i should fix it because we're on maintenance tomorrow " but a) it's a known bug that we can't reproduce, he should've notified sooner the issue; b) it's not a big deal, i can fix it tomorrow, it's just not ticking a column in the database; c) I'm off work, go cry about it

Soooo it's the first day of sprint. I have tasks A, B and C.
Here's my manager again telling me:

"It's just A ,why are you taking time."
"It's just B ,why are you taking time."
"It's just C ,why are you taking time."

"It's sad to think that some people crave a commute because it's the only time during the day they have to themselves." 👀

10km stroll a day keeps the XX(X)L away.

It's working :)

It's a mild day at the office #memes

!rant

It's a non-working holiday at the office so I'm at home doing nothing. I asked my boyfriend what to do for the whole day then he said "Spend your day to something you really enjoy".

Ah yes!

So I'm building a new project. What an exciting day!

planned a project,
spent a whole day on a feature.

3 weeks later, i realise that feature i spent a whole day on wasn't needed at all.

i'm a fucking noob ape trying to pretend it's a developer or some shit.

So I work as a "Web Development Lead"
Which means I lead (frontend,backend and infrastructure teams)
Also I am in charge of infrastructure or devops or whatever you call it, which means I handle production issues, dev and staging environments,...etc

and I am a team of one, and today I asked for a day off because it's my wife's birthday

and suddenly everyone is blocked, everything is on fire, and the phone is not stopping ringing, I had to go out of the cinema theater to answer the non-stopping calls

I AM ASKING FOR A SINGLE DAY, A FUCKING DAY, EVEN IF SOMEONE IS BLOCKED SO WHAT IT'S NOT EVEN A DAY I ONLY NEED 6 HOURS

IS TO TOO MUCH FUCKING TO ASK

You know it's going to be an interesting day when you see a release note containing "migration" and "cross your fingers" in the same sentence 😅

After 10 days of waiting for my replacement Xbox from microsoft... It never came so I asked Amazon and they sent me a new one with next day delivery. Just received it today... And it's defective.... fml.

It's just a bad day and not a bad life.
Tell you to hang on. Hang on! Hopes die last.

It's Friday folks and my huge bag of enthusiasm for work has just been found empty. Have a great day

So when I'm so into what I'm doing that my coffee gets cold before I've taken the first sip... I know it's going to be a good day

As a programmer you know it's going to be a glorious day when you have been getting an error for two days straight and on the third day it's different.

Ooo sweet glory.

It's only day two of wk89 and damn, what a trip down memory lane.

Today, the coffee machine gave me only a lump of sugar. Without coffee, without water and without glass. It's going to be a long long day...

SO is down, guess it's time to call it a day 😂

Approximately 15 years ago, at school, I had one friend that learned to code in Delphi. One day he came to me and said:
Dude! I made a program that creates a 2GB file!!! (15 years ago 2GB were a lot of memory)
- What is in this file? - I asked.
- Nothing! It's just 2GB!!!
- It's fucking AWESOME!!!

You know it's been a hard day when the compiler finishes without errors and you assume it malfunctioned.

Spent my day at ikea.. It's enough for a rant

"Can you please restart your computer?"

"uh... how do I do that?"

It's going to be a long day.

You know it's a good day when you receive this :)

It's 2.30 a.m. here. Had a very emotionally bad day and I don't feel like sleeping now. Fuck you emotions!! :(
I guess I could enjoy the silence at least... and devRant

Getting a tour today at my new job (non-dev related, just pays the bills). it's quite a travel AND RIGHT ON THIS FUCKING DAY THE PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION PLANNER IS GIVING 500 ERRORS. FUCKING FUCK FML.

!rant

Yesterday was an extremely stressful day. Several things went wrong, clients were already preparing for the weekend, a horrible headache was building up during the day, all in all: a day, where you'd better have stayed in bed. Finally home, I approached my mailbox, put the key in, opened it, expecting bills or similar things to... *cough* sweeten *cough*... my weekend, but instead found a letter from devRant.

Guys, I gotta tell you, this really made my entire day (if not my entire weekend). I know it's silly, because we're basically talking about a letter and some stickers, but it's the small things one should appreciate, as they can brighten the worst days.

Thanks @dfox and @trogus for building such a great platform, that allows fellow developers to vent about *certain* things from time to time. Keep up the good work!

I spend multiple hours on devrant a day, so I guess it's probably worth two bucks a month to me. So here goes.

What's a last day on the job suppose to be like?

I'm sure it's not working until 2am helping the company finalize a project. They are not happy that I decided to go to bed after a 12 hour day instead of pulling an all nighter helping.

It's really nice of Microsoft to let us use our computers for 18 hours a day and not 12, Thanks dad.

What a day to wake up to the win10 update asking you to confirm yet again that you don't want to send all your data to them, I guess it's time for O&O ShutUp again..

Every time I get tons of errors in Rust, I come here to rant, and I'm able to fix the errors the next day. It's starting to become a tradition.

I just bought a USB mobile power pack... Here my thought:

-It's on sale!
-But do I really need it?
-.... Will I could give it to my dad if I don't...
-but what it's it been... Chinese products are cheap...
-this isn't cheap... It's just on sale!
-hm....
-you know you'll need it.. at the rate my phone's battery gets used in a years time it won't be able to leave half a day...
-hm....
-cmon only $21 hrs left... this is a steal... It's only 15$....

-ah ok.... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

*After buying**

It's not too late to cancel.... Should I cancel?

It's a sad, sad day when your app gets its first one star review... 😢

It's a beautiful autumn day. The sun is out, the sky is blue, it's warm and the trees' leaves are already colored magnificently.

What will I do today? - Exam preparation! :D

Today marks the first day i needed to use a fork of a Github repo, because it just didn't contain a very basic feature i needed. The PR which fixes it has been open for months without a comment on why it's not merged.

I mean i'm glad i found a solution at the end, but goddamn it's so sad when a popular repo is not maintained well.

Got introduced to RLE on a rant the other day and holy shit doing more research into it and it's algorithms... How the fuck have I not known of this?!?!?!

!rant

It's weird how a tiny gesture from someone you care about/like is enough to make your whole day.

Holidays for me are days where I get to wear the same pajamas for the entire day and go to bed with the same ones I woke up in. It's a different joy to know you were just a lazy slob all day and you don't feel a single shred of regret.

Friend: You haven't been programming all day have you? It's been 10 hours.

Me: pfft, I haven't been programming all day, I have a life;

When all you hear are mouse clicks and not keyboard presses from your colleagues, you know it's going to be a slow day. Which means, time to work on personal projects :P

Today is not friday, but tomorrow is a national holiday here in Portugal, so it's a friday for me ✌️

Only fourty more minutes for a three day weekend!!

- the first time I have to touch a GO codebase
- it's the day GH goes down

come on, what's happening here! First dR, now GH? Tomorrow what - SO's turn?

Not been a good day so far:
1. Woke up to my Synology in a 'Volume crashed' state. Tried to contact support via web page; support web page not loading.
2. Ancient software at work stops working. As the last remaining C++ dev, I gotta troubleshoot. Original developer wrote test program...in VB6.
3. Server config file changed, but all the admins swear up and down nobody's made any changes.
4. Client calls account rep and wants to know about our security policies, so he schedules a meeting with me and client and forgets to mention until he's emailing me asking where the hell I am. From the tone of the conversation between the rep and the client, it's clear that somehow I'm to blame for being late.

Sigh.

Well, hey, at least it's Friday, right? Right?

So... I know this isn't a rant, in fact it's not even related to computers, but it's so epic I just have to share.

The other day at work, we ordered lunch from a local Thai chef, whom I challenged to make me a properly hot Thai style stir fry pork dish.

I think he understood, because it was just perfect. (:

When a ticket comes in I usually jump right on it, get about half way done with it, then either get stuck or it's lunchtime/end of day.

I really should take the gifs advice.

It's Sunday. A day for prayer. Today I am praying that others dont mess up the code base when I get to work on Monday. Amen.

I remember the first time I had a code block, I sat on my desk for up to 18 hours trying to fix it. In the end realizing that my impatience is not helping me. It was all in vain. A tired mind did not help.

I finally came to realise that I was lacking on knowledge and a tired brain did not help. I did it the next day but learnt a huge lesson. When it's just not your day, it's not you day. A fresh mind will help next day. Relax, do anything apart from code.

Too much of code can drain you of ideas and smartness. You need to let your mind breathe. Life away from the PC is important too.

After working for months , I've understood that we should overestimate the time that will be taken to complete a task
But now it's getting annoying , I mean It's been a week I finished my project and am ideal ,

Btw, the project timeline was a week , ( I finished the work in a day )

Got an email today from a random person asking for help on using a thing I have in GitHub. Even though it's not at all a big deal, made me feel so proud :)

On the other hand, every day I work on software responsible for thousands of people a day (not a big deal, but still something that affects thousands per day) and I feel meh about that...

Brains are weird :)

Im gonna commit a cardinal sin here, but i like windows. It's maybe not as flexible as linux, but dammit i do not have the time to meddle with my os all day.

After a day like this I try to look at the positive side; that another day has passed and it's only 11.278 days left until retirement

Started my day by running a forkbomb on my own computer to prove to someone what it was 😑Wake me up when it's Saturday.

I live in lines of code, broken environments, and tattered tests and you want to know how it's going...
every 30 minutes...
all day every day..
for a week.

And now I am attempting a GTA V hack to explode this Program Managers phone into his thick corporate skull.

Wish me luck
Project_Engineer >= 🍀=💩:= 🖕

PM : Develop this new feature. Client needs it tomorrow. And be sure it works perfectly well.
Dev : haha how can it work without bug if it's developed in a day ?

Poor dev got transferred to support department :(

> Drinking much because it's a hot day.
> Have to go to the toilet
> Cleaner is cleaning the toilets so nobody can go.

Every fucking time gaaaarh

Fuck this. I can't spend half my day stepping around your ego, even if you are the so called lead frontend. It's time for a chat with hr.

sprint started two weeks ago, it's due today.

yesterday, most tasks for the sprint were done, but was still waiting that whole two weeks for updates on two new tickets, guess they'll be in the next sprint...

project leaders yesterday: oh here are those updates for the sprint! (not to mention the meeting was at 5 PM yesterday, not even the BEGINNING of the work day)

project leaders today: what's the status of the sprint?!

...it's a joke, right? do you think I'm a fucking magician?

its always the same no matter where you go, slowly starting to realize...

tl;dr; adding new feature requests the day before a sprint ends and then having the nerve of asking the "status" of the sprint the following day.

What a bunch of cunts.
It's sad how they keep applying restrictions to everything. Two years ago, there were no restrictions. Now:
Max one website, random account locks if you ever get actual visitors, no support unless you're premium, max 5 simultaneous clients, one hour sleeptime a day, some "random" disk full errors or internal server errors and at least two hours downtime a day.

Fuck off.

Chrome 56 supports position:sticky natively- even in table cells/headers! It's a beautiful day!

Today is the first day of the last year of my bachelor's degree.
It's also the first day of work for one of my closest friends.
I wish him the best for this new adventure.

Good luck my friend and have a nice day !

Docker has taken out 2 of our (6) on prem servers.

It's forked 65k processes to run a health check on 4 stacks...

How's your day going?

If you ever thought hell didn't exist...
I just spent the day explaining cryptocurrencies to a room of social sciences and law students.
I really need to get drunk, but it's only Thursday 😫

He wears black short sleeve button down shirts and a fedora every single day, it's very peculiar

Professionaly travelling the world sucks ass. It's loosing day and days on airports, railway stations, driving.... Then, completely exhausted, you must do your high-end job on command for a customer who already hates you from the moment you came in, because he knows your hourly rate.They do not realize it's the companies rate, not my wage. And when it's finished and running, it's considered normal...no need for a "thank you". Getting really tired of this shit :/

There should be a show like Masterchef but for programmer. Where the participants build an mvc product based on the challenge of the day for a certain of time, then they got roasted by the juries if it's bad.

Anyone else having issues with not getting notifications for subscribed users posting rants?

It's been happening since I updated the other day. (I'm using a Pixel XL on Pie.)

A java text adventure. It was a good starting project, but needless to say, it's not seeing the light of day anytime soon

Coworker wanted to explain something to me on a discord call just when I grabbed a bowl of milk and cereal.

It's all soft and mushy now 😔

On another note, today was my first day on the job 😁

Just attempted to move my mouse cursor over to the cubical wall in order to copy a server name off the list I have pinned up... It's going to be a long day.

When it's a lovely day outside and you're stuck in waiting for an import to finish.

I am in a ranting mood today.

I HATE "day in the life of a SWE" videos. Especially the ones where they work from home.

They basically show that they sleep/eat all day and get very little done. I know it's for entertainment or comedic effect but it makes me uneasy about the image that they are projecting to the world.

People already don't think we deserve the salary that we make and when they see these videos the idea gets re-enforced into their heads.

I've been working from home for 3 years and my day is NOTHING like what these content creators show in their videos. It's a bunch of meetings and a lot of coding with very little rest.

Came to work this morning with a bunch of cards coloured red, marked "urgent"...

And it's Monday... the day after Sunday...

The blues day...

Blue's my favourite colour, but this blue (and reds) I do not like...

Ok snoozy mind of mine... wake up!!

"...OK now if you just open a new tab, you can see the link appears there."
"What's a tab?"

It's going to be a long fucking day.

When you bring your workspace to bed, she knows it's not her night tonight;
And you know tomorrow is gonna be a total stormy day because the forecast is real.

I know functional programming is hip now, but I wonder if I'll ever see a day when it's considered cutting edge to make every variable global. Possible twilight zone episode?

Machine learning is hard! Spent a whole day with Weka and it's Neural Networks. God my brain. There is too much to know before being really equipped to use this tool... especially from code.

When you work for a week day and night to compete a feature, because top management said it's the highest priority. Then when you're about to send it off to test, they tell you it is no longer required.

It's been a relatively unproductive day.... :(

So it's a sad day that I say goodbye to my moto 360 gen 2, purchased a ticwatch C2 and here's hoping the OLED screen and NFC capabilities are worth giving up my favourite watch...

It's the day when I get to know the tension before a job confirmation call.

It's 7 am in morning . The call is at 10.00 clock.

Anyone played Human Resource Machine yet? It's fun to solve and optimize these algorithm puzzles after a hard work day.
Does anyone know other games like this?

When a developer sees a pm it's like a bull seeing red , especially a day before delivery

Why oh why do companies scrimp on hardware and tools for devs. It's a constant battle to even use my machine let alone make progress. I cost 1k a day a decent machine 2k maximum. I have spent the last two days fighting hardware issues.

It's not every day that a client reports his Website as completely down. But when they do, it's always just as I was walking out the door...

Today my boss granted the intellij Ultimate license. It's a good day.
(even though eclipse isn't that bad I like intellij more)

I got so inspired when a chrome extension i made ,was used every day and is an important part of my every day student and development workflow.

It's on github right now.

I just spent a whole day learning wordpress cause it's mandatory for my graduation project and I'm still not quite sure what I'm doing.
I'm proficient with HTML, CSS, Javascript and PHP enough to make the damn thing in less than a day, yet here I am strugling with the damn plugins and themes... It just looks too chaotic for me.

Been working on a small collab with my 3 mates
It's just one guy who's doing all the heavy lifting
I chime in with a 3-4 line modification every day or so
The other two are afk
It's chugging along just fine..
I feel like a garbage can in front of this guy's coding ability

!rant
I was getting headaches from looking at the comp screen all day, but what can you do when it's your job? A friend told me about these glasses you can buy specifically for people at a comp 8+ hrs a day. I gave in and bought a pair, and now, no more headaches! Thank you Gunnar glasses! 👓 😃

I like our daily stand-ups, but our team only does it when our scrum master is present, if he takes a day off, no one cares about it
I think it's healthy for scrum teams to have that every day

What do you guys think? Are you also doing scrum? How bug is your team?

When it's the first day of a QA Automation bootcamp and the other students think you should be the teacher.. =_=

Spending all day sitting in a chair takes its toll on my back. Lumbar and intra-scapular areas are ssssoooooo sore that I can't even stretch them out properly any more (I'm quite a flexible person).

Thanks to my closest shopping centre for this double foam-ball. It's the best investment I've made in years and it only cost me 4€.

Whenever I lay and roll on it slowly I usually drift into sleep out of pleasure.

It's not an ad or anything, just a recommendation to my fellow IT guys and gals suffering back pains from sitting all day long.

I have made 2 mistakes today.
1. Upgrading from Fedora 23 to 24 on a busy work day - it's taken over 2h now...
2. Trying to switch to a new TTY and launch GDM while it's updating - I now cannot see anything and live in fear of restarting.

Conclusion don't try and be clever with Linux, it will win

it's a sad day when even devrant has fallen victim to the neverending onslaught of spam slop

!rant
long time lurker and finally decided to create an account and contribute to this awesome community.

I been slowly entering in the field of software development it's been a great journey and still have a lot to learn.

Have a nice day!

Apparently we're playing musical chairs at work... I work from home for one day and now my chair is missing. If you borrow a chair put it back where you found it. It's common courtesy.

you know it's a good day when you copied that funky looking code you wrote, copy pasted in current project and IT JUST WORKS!

Not so much of a rant but recommendation.

Have been listening to a completely epic Spotify playlist all day today whilst coding - "RetroWave / Outrun".

It's really good for keeping my concentration :)

You know it's a shitty day at work when it's only 11 and you have been shit face drunk since 8:30.

It's always a good day at work when you can leave knowing that you were able to implement several working features.

!rant
When I realize I've reached 500++
:D
It's gonna be a nice day

Getting a project from a client: It's quite easy. I'll finish it in a day.

Week 3: import express from 'express'

You know your day is gonna be bad when it's Monday and you are told to work on a badly written legacy flash application!

It's funny to think that a lot of people up to this day still don't realize that the internet isn't actually free.

That automation thing with NASA I was ranting about yesterday finally worked. Granted, they posted a pic today instead of a video.

So, assuming it's a true Pic of the Day, my wallpaper gets updated at 4 AM. Maybe they saw my rant? haha

Got my new laptop and my stickers today! It's a good day. 😊

Ever had a coworker who thinks you are his driver ? I mean it's cool that you want a ride and I'm willing to help but every single day ? I don't even like him

When I talk about release a personal project to GNU/GPL license (when it's finished, some day) people looks at me like "wow, be careful". It makes me think about the mythology around silicon valley and how the idea of writing a killer app or a nice machine and instantly grow rich became a standard, even when it's terribly wrong and false...

Nothing gets on my nerve than microsoft. Just another day being a victim of fucking microsoft trash product called teams. All I wanted to do was login but no, this ass of a product has it's own shit things.

It's not a good day.😒

When companies don't understand what DevOps is and don't know how to implement it.

I hate when the term DevOps gets slapped onto a traditional Ops or sys admin team and they call it a day.

It's become the new agile.

Minus the glare, it's not a bad day :)

Maturity is day dreaming of wanting to work on a big side project, having a whole afternoon where no one is at the office, but still working on what you're supposed to do.

It's also extremely boring.

So worried people will fuck things up in work when I'm not there. It's causing such tiredness and such long days. 🙇I think it's caught up with with today. No holiday leave taken for 9 months and not a day off sick. 🏳

I just started a new job today and I fucking love it. I've learned more in a day than I do on a weekly basis in school. It's difficult but exciting as fuck to actually be able to use the technologies you've learned in a professional context.

Captains Log:

Day 2 of trying to get SQL database to work with JDBC application.

I've built a try/catch method and it throws up the message that IntelliJ can't find the JDBC driver.

More research to be done. My first officer duck buddy has no input for me.

It's going to be a long day.

I'm sorry to say this but if you keep changing your naming "convention" every freakin day it's not a convention

It's not a new year unless you spend your first day back firefighting shit that broke over the holidays 🙃

I think it's a black box for them...
Here is how I imagine they see it:

I go to work -> *I stand in front of the computer all day, typing stuff* -> I get paid

My biggest influencer? My Web Dev schools psychologist. Always scheduling breaks in our day.
He continuously reminded us it's a positive thing to walk away from the code and change up the brain patterns.

Working from home once a week, it's my most productive workday by far. No annoying interruptions; well except for my cat who insists on being in my face all day (but honestly, I can live with that).

!rant
PSA: it's national donut day and if you get a coffee at Dunkin Donuts you can get a free donut!

Going to work without headphones for the first time in my life..
It's gonna be a hard day.

I sit staring at a screen for twelve hours a day. It's as simple as that.

I think that we should have a global tech free day once a year. A day when no one is allowed to use their phone/computer/tablet etc.

It's scary how addicted we are to that shit and it would be very nice if everyone just got a day off.

When your Comapny uses way to many certificateS, .p12 and .msc files so Everyone's local breaks after each package release.... It's like building a house of cards on a windy day

I think some managers would be happier if there was no leave allowance for staff in their contracts. Every single time I apply for a day it's like pulling teeth with this guy. When 3 years of vacation leave backs up and I *have* to take all at once then it's a problem too. Tf is it with some people?

boo-yaa!!! It's the 4th day in a row!

I accidentally glance at the clock and it says 1521.

Oracle must be speaking to me.

A new team member joined us today. After introduction, he grabbed a chair. F*** YOU, IT'S JUST YOUR FIRST DAY BUT YOU'D GRAB KATE'S CHAIR WHO JUST TOOK A COFFEE BREAK?! PET PEEVES I HATE CHAIR GRABBERS

Woke up, full of motivation for work.
But I guess windows knew better. It's been 30min already, and it operate on an SSD.

And here I thought this was going to be a good day...

when a client agrees on a 23 working day timeline, two days after contract signature emails you they need it in 4 days and that it's a matter f life and death! :@

I recently started working as an intern at a German startup and man I love it so much!

It's a great feeling to interact with the CEO of a company every other day. The amount of attention and motivation i receive is fascinating.

In an average day, how many different languages do you use?

For example my previous job was strictly C and Python.

My current job involves Python, C#, VB, PHP, SQL, HTML/CSS, JS. It's rare but quite possibly I could touch all these on a single day.

You know it's a damn good day at work when you show up and they tell you to go break into the sheriff's department computers.

Compile before leaving for the night, everything's good. Compile when I come in and it's all fucked up. Over 50 files changed and hit overnight.

14 hours later, compile successful 100%

That's how a day should end.

Today shall be a good day, took a day of annual leave. It's sunny and I intend not touching my laptop.

Red Dead Redemption 2 Day - Awesome
No managers in today - fucking win
Work from home day - Can we get anymore wins?

Remote into computer that works for everyone - TODAY IT DONT FUCKING WORK -_-

Guess its a normal ass work day today and it's raining, fuck you Earth. No one is allowed to play RDR2 until I get home

My biggest challenge is moving from framework to framework or language to language.
It takes me a good day or day and a half to get used to it. I'll finally have a eureka moment and figure things out. But until then, it's quite hard and I end up questioning my competence.