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AboutDon’t wanna work anymore just wanna sleep all day and do drugs
Joined devRant on 9/22/2020
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depending on where you are and when you read it should be ok but anyway happy new year from here =]1
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When I search for problems with npm libraries and StackOverflow's answer is
"just downgrade the package to {VERSION} and it should work"
It makes me wanna die. How in the clusterfuck is that an acceptable solution?5 -
how to be a shitty client:
- have a legacy database where column names are misspelled and everything is nullable
- hire external help which instead of helping break the ui (bonus points for breaking the api too)
- demand a very much custom auth logic but decide to use aws cognito for shits and giggles
- demand 1hr daily meetings
- demand biometric auth with 0 knowledge of how biometric auth works (the previous devs just had a face id prompt which does nothing and retrieved email and password saved on the device???)
- message me at 2am because you don't understand how timezones work + demand a build while you're at it
- call me a "heretical pagan" because i took a day off on a holiday you don't celebrate (???)
i could go on but i think this is enough11 -
Caffeine meets every criteria for being a drug:
- Alters mental state
- Addictive
- Has withdrawal symptoms
- Tolerance increases with time
If you rely on caffeine to function, statistically, you spend the majority of your waking life in caffeine crush, longing for more and more caffeine to just function normally.
Face it: you’re a drug addict. Caffeine being legal doesn’t mean it’s not a drug.
I don’t do caffeine at all. I don’t drink sodas that have caffeine, I don’t drink tea either. That’s why I’m always full of energy. Yes, caffeine withdrawal gave me a week of terrible headaches, but I pushed through, and now my life is completely transformed.36 -
Hiring Manager: Thanks for interviewing for the position. But the things we listed as "nice to haves" are actually required for the job so we aren't going to hire you.7
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So apparently, there's a "leaked" recording of the AWS CEO telling software devs to stop coding and be prepared for the day when "AI takes over software development."
Can someone point me in the direction of the AWS Headquarters?
*cocks shotgun*
I just wanna talk16 -
tl : "hey dotenv, we have a presentation with VP tomorrow, do you want to present any of your achievements in product?"
me: "umm, what achievements ?"
tl : "you know, something that you added in app which made a good impact to various metrics like DAU, MAU, less bad reviews etc"
me: "umm... i coded the tasks and features created by you folks. they got shipped at some point of your liking, and are now being tracked by you for its success failure. So i am not sure what to take credit for"
TL: "no, no.. i mean like any bugs or issues that you fixed outside of your daily jira tasks which you tracked to be a sucess"
me: "well as far as tracking is concerned, then neither i know how to track them nor i did. but yea, i identified a bug where an outdated payload was generating bad request and giving a silent failure instead of success which recently got shipped. maybe its helping users get actual response instead of "we will get back to you in some time" , so this might get considered?
TL : "oh that? that we have already added as one of the team's achievements (=PM+TL's achievement) and have tracked it to be a succes"
me : "what th- okay. then how about that api failure which was identified by AVP as "something is not right" in which the api was intermittently taking a long time to respond. he tagged me and i set up logs to identify which type of users got that issue and the actual cause of that api failure. that was definitely a good fox for app as we ended up with good reviews on playstore for our new release?"
TL : "oh that? how can you take credit for that fix? it was identified by AVP, you just added similar logs that we were using for tracking errors and implemented a fix when it came to you as a sprint task? its a team achievement"
me : "but you guys didn't identified the cause through your logs!? my log was more granular. and even if that's the case, we aren't allowed to pick any task just as is, without getting it added to sprint , right?"
TL : "nah, that was a team win"
*6 months later, during appraisal time"
TL : "Hey dotenv, you haven't displayed any leadership skills and haven't gone put of the box to improve the product. Here's your peanut appraisal 🗑️"
me : 🥲🔫🤯🪦
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fuck this stupid neaurocrst structure. i hate being a selfish prick than a team player, but either give credits as well as punishment to the team or gove credits as well as punishment to the single person. but wtf is thos culture of giving reward to team and punishment to individual? fckin communists
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The handle on the faucet in one of the bathrooms broke off today. You can still operate the faucet with some finger strength. It is just difficult. We also got a reminder today that we are not to be streaming video or music using the company wifi. They ask that we use our own bandwidth on our phones.
So on the bathroom door where the faucet handle is broken I placed this sign:10 -
I am now a free man.
I got exempt from the military service by fattening myself up, I've never been happier for failing an exam (the medical exam) 😊
Now comes the time for extreme dieting and finding a job abroad to gtfo outta third world9 -
There's deep solace for me in knowing devrant, and particularly its icker users (👀), will be dead in the ground in 60-70 years 🪦⚰️🥀
All this will be gone and deleted like a footprint on a beach.
Say what you wanna say people - unless you're not a kind person4 -
- clicks update and shutdown
- goes brush his teeth
- comes back, is welcomed by login screen
Man I love Windows6 -
Have legal troubles in the UK? Scammed someone? Messed with the wrong person? Facing charges and a lengthy jail time? No problem! Go and touch some children. UK protects pedos at all costs, so you’ll immediately be pardoned. Maybe they’ll even give you a medal.4
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Holy fuck, I hate the internet8