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LocationBengaluru, India
Joined devRant on 1/4/2017
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Open letter to any website that is trying to implement "smooth scrolling" on their website using JavaScript: stop, consider how awful it is 100% of the time, and kill yourself please.2
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I did it.
I finally fucked prod.
And had to do open heart surgery on the service to get it unfucked.
Shit happens. Luckily its internal prod only...10 -
client cto: "SOMEBODY COMPROMISED YOUR KEY!!!! IT SHOWS SOMEBODY LOGGED IN TO DEVOPS GUY'S ACCOUNT USING KALI LINUX!!!!! HERE ARE THE LOGS!!!!"
the logs: *show an ip address*
the ip address: *ip address of the office*
devops guy: *actually uses kali linux*
not really a rant, just found it funny2 -
Things that shouldn't have needed to be said:
Don't give an LLM sudo and pipe all it's output to bash...
https://theregister.com/AMP/2024/...15 -
Deleted over 1'500 lines of code over the last 2 days and replaced it with 80 lines of readable, simple, generic code.
And I'm feeelin' gooood 🎶7 -
I'm averaging 3 hours a day outside of meetings. Mostly in 30 minute blocks.
Manager is wondering why I can't get work done...5 -
My senior just created this beauty of an API...
Mixing undefined/null values with empty strings & random hyphens for other variables. And the phone number not following standarised notation (we are a telephone provider)
6 -
I'm surrounded by idiots.
Yet they keep getting promoted.
It seems being competent and skilled at your current role means absolute dog shit.4 -
Honestly, nothing kills your brain cells faster than doing the same repetitive tasks at work, day in and day out. It’s like I'm just on autopilot—pushing buttons, running scripts, rinse, repeat. At some point, I start wondering if I’m a dev or just a glorified robot.
And to keep my sanity intact? Competitive programming. Yeah, that’s how I free my mind—throwing myself into algorithmic problems during my break time, just to remind myself that there’s more to life than the mundane loop of tasks at work. I’ll take an NP-hard problem over this any day. At least that makes me think.6 -
So apparently I own land in dubai. Like three separate mortgages based on the email I received.
Your request (Mortgage Registration)
with request number xxxxx / 2024
has been completed
and you can print your issued certificate from this [link]
I've stripped out the numbers and link.
After confirming it was safe I followed through on a old spare cellphone, and yep, I own three mortgages for properties in dubai.
Except obviously I don't.
Someone used my name, an american, to register mortgages in dubai. *Nice* properties according to the pictures.
What started out as a scam email, or what looked like a scam email, went to an actual government of dubai website, with real mortgage registrations.
How in the fuck does that happen?
The only thing I can think of is someone committed identity fraud, and/or an alphabet agency went through the list of known political dissidents, set up a bullshit mortgage in a questionable territory, and are now using that as a pretext to monitor 'extremists with foreign ties.'
All that for some guy on the west coast that hasn't attended a political rally in his entire life.
Must have been that sign I held at sixteen years old by the side of the road that said "bush lied us into a war, and people died."
or maybe it was that time I told a really enthusiastic obama supporting police officer that it amazed me obama had time to win the nobel peace prize what with all the bombings he carried out against foreign civilians.8 -
Getting into a bed with fresh sheets after a long shower is heaven
Not many things would get me out of bed rn9 -
So now I have to pay taxes because I'm employed. Fair enough, sounds reasonable.
Go to the government's diseased scrotum of a webapp to tramit some ID stuff and shit. All good. Then I go to the bank, so I can open an account, so that I can receive the money, so that I can pay the government.
What happens? The guy at the bank tells me he can't access my ID, so he can't open my account. Understandable. I go once again to the gonorrhea infected maggotsoup that is the government's mother fucking webapp. THEY BLOCKED MY ID.
Problem? I had to attach images of some documentation, they say the images are illegible. I try again with a clearer image, ten fucking times the resoulution.
Is that good enough? NOOOOOOOOOO0=00=======0===000 oo O O OO O O, I am the government, my sole purpose in life is to be a dick in your asshole.
So what do I do? I, calmly, grab the documentation, go to the nearest office, and politely explain the situation to the dude behind the counter. Surely, he can verify himself that my papers are in order, no?
NO. HE CANNOT.
IT CAN ONLY BE DONE THROUGH THE APP.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.
WE ARE DOOMED AS A SPECIES.
LISTEN TO ME, DEAR GOVERNMENT.
AND DEAR TAXMEN.
AND ASSOCIATED BUREAUCRATS.
PLEASE HEAR ME OUT.
IF YOU DON'T UNBLOCK MY ID, I CANNOT OPEN A BANK ACCOUNT.
IF I DO NOT HAVE A BANK ACCOUNT, I CANNOT RECEIVE ANY MONEY.
IF I CANNOT RECEIVE ANY MONEY, THEN I CANNOT PAY **YOU**.
SEE HOW THAT WORKS?
ITS OK.
JUST SUSPEND THE PAYMENT I OWE.
YOU KNOW, THE ONE THAT'S DUE IN A FEW DAYS??
OH RIGHT!
YOU'RE STILL ASKING ME FOR THAT MONEY.
SILLY ME.
I THOUGHT I MAY BE EXEMPT.
SINCE YOU YOURSELF HAVE FORBIDDEN ME FROM PAYING.
ARRHGHHGGHGHGHGHGH!!!!!!!!
YOU IRREDEEMABLY STUPID FUCK.15 -
Our customers are fucking incredible QA Engineers, holy fuck tits. Every single day, some fucking fuckface finds a way to break this garbage can legacy application that I've spent the last year combing over and patching as I find problems or are otherwise made aware of them.
Honestly, I have some QA background myself, but these types of issues would just absolutely never in a bajillion shitting farting years occur to me to do.
They are masters of breaking shit, I am so FUCKING IMPRESSED. Almost as impressed that this application hasn't been replaced after ten years of bullshit, and that the two massive fucking retards that preceded me didn't just do it the right way by accident or fucking kill themselves out of shame.9 -
tl : "hey dotenv, we have a presentation with VP tomorrow, do you want to present any of your achievements in product?"
me: "umm, what achievements ?"
tl : "you know, something that you added in app which made a good impact to various metrics like DAU, MAU, less bad reviews etc"
me: "umm... i coded the tasks and features created by you folks. they got shipped at some point of your liking, and are now being tracked by you for its success failure. So i am not sure what to take credit for"
TL: "no, no.. i mean like any bugs or issues that you fixed outside of your daily jira tasks which you tracked to be a sucess"
me: "well as far as tracking is concerned, then neither i know how to track them nor i did. but yea, i identified a bug where an outdated payload was generating bad request and giving a silent failure instead of success which recently got shipped. maybe its helping users get actual response instead of "we will get back to you in some time" , so this might get considered?
TL : "oh that? that we have already added as one of the team's achievements (=PM+TL's achievement) and have tracked it to be a succes"
me : "what th- okay. then how about that api failure which was identified by AVP as "something is not right" in which the api was intermittently taking a long time to respond. he tagged me and i set up logs to identify which type of users got that issue and the actual cause of that api failure. that was definitely a good fox for app as we ended up with good reviews on playstore for our new release?"
TL : "oh that? how can you take credit for that fix? it was identified by AVP, you just added similar logs that we were using for tracking errors and implemented a fix when it came to you as a sprint task? its a team achievement"
me : "but you guys didn't identified the cause through your logs!? my log was more granular. and even if that's the case, we aren't allowed to pick any task just as is, without getting it added to sprint , right?"
TL : "nah, that was a team win"
*6 months later, during appraisal time"
TL : "Hey dotenv, you haven't displayed any leadership skills and haven't gone put of the box to improve the product. Here's your peanut appraisal 🗑️"
me : 🥲🔫🤯🪦
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fuck this stupid neaurocrst structure. i hate being a selfish prick than a team player, but either give credits as well as punishment to the team or gove credits as well as punishment to the single person. but wtf is thos culture of giving reward to team and punishment to individual? fckin communists
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So apparently, there's a "leaked" recording of the AWS CEO telling software devs to stop coding and be prepared for the day when "AI takes over software development."
Can someone point me in the direction of the AWS Headquarters?
*cocks shotgun*
I just wanna talk15
