I'm so over the politics....

System team: So, we've rewritten the entire site and the stats are looking pretty great. We're more than a year into the two-month transition period, and hey, that's cool, no judgement. But now we're gonna hit a license expiration on the old site, so we need to shut it down, or otherwise pay a ridiculously big amount to renew the license.

Business: nooooooooo you can't shut down the old site!

Systems: but nobody is using it

Business: yes, they are

Systems: no, they're really not, we checked and everything

Business: ...........

Systems: ok, well are you gonna pay for the license renewal?

Business: oh hell no

Systems: ok then we're shutting it down

Business: ..............

Systems: ok, it's down

Business: how dare you! We didn't sign off on that! Bring it back immediately!

Systems: are you gonna pay the license?

Business: no! now bring it back!

FML.

Client: "Hi, there's a problem with this link"
Me: "How odd, I'll take a look right away"

-- 19 minutes later --

Client: "Has this been fixed?"
Me: "I'm working on it currently"
Client: "OK please let us know when it's done"
Me: "I will do"

-- 2 minutes later --

Client: "Hi, is this done?"
Me: "I've just told you I will let you know as soon as it's done"

-- 5 minutes later --

Client: "Hi, sorry to hassle, but is this done yet?"
Me: *starts twitching*
Me: "I am working on it and I will let you know when it's done"
Client: "OK, well don't worry about it, it doesn't really matter"
Me: *explodes*

Client had me implement an exit intent modal on their website, inviting visitors to sign up to their mailing list when they moved to close the browser tab.

Client then had me implement an on page load modal which displays the poster for their upcoming event.

Client just emailed "Double popup happening!" with a screenshot of their website with both modals displayed at once.

Kicking myself for replying and explaining that this was expected behaviour in light of what they'd asked for instead of responding, simply, "Yes".

Client emails and asks why a certain element appears on particular page of their website. I respond by saying that they'd asked me to place it there. I then find and forward them the email in which they requested that I place the element on the page. Client replies to forwarded email, "What is this in relation to?".

I must stress that this was all in the space of about two minutes and no other emails were exchanged in-between; there was zero possibility of crossed wires.

Client's WordPress powered site has gone down due to influx of traffic. Site is cached and whatnot, the server it's on is simply underpowered and not coping. Whilst I'm frantically trying to spin up new servers and load balance and get things back online, client keeps interrupting with emails like "URGENT - Website is down", "How long is this going to take please?", and "Hello! Do you know whats going on?!". I reply cordially to each, secretly growing increasingly enraged. "Yes I am already aware and working on it.", "Difficult to estimate, but I'm hoping no more than 20 minutes.", "Yes. I'm working on it.", "Yes, I know. I'm working on it."

And then I receive this gem: "Perhaps call Word press?"

AARRGGHHH

This scene from Clerks springs to mind: https://youtube.com/watch/...

website: uwu,,,im sowwy, but pweaese...wiww you pwease tuwn off ad bwock? we weawwy need ouw money (´･ω･`)

me: ok [turns off adblock]

website: 𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐍𝐋𝐎𝐀𝐃 𝐂𝐔𝐍𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐒 𝐓𝐎𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐂𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐒𝐄𝐗 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐒𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐎𝐎𝐍 𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋𝐒 𝐈𝐍 𝐀 𝐕

boss' revenge

So here https://devrant.com/rants/1349878/... posted prank played on boss. For 3days I been freaking out what boss will do as revenge (check env and alias everytime I login). Then yesterday happened his revenge.

Was doing testing on my programs & sometime some programs would run but sometime it get segmentation fault. Seemed random first but then saw a pattern... everytime I get segmentation fault and I run again it would be fine. Checked alias... nothing, /etc/crontab, env, ps -ef... nothing seemed off, cksum of my binary... correct. Fuck! "What my boss did?" asked myself. Finally .5hrs later I saw entry in my id's crontab but then 1min later it's gone from my crontab

From there figured out how boss did it:
1) He replaced ntpd with his C program that runs in background creating an entry in my crontab every few mins
2) The entry in my crontab set to run /foobar/ulittleprick.sh every 2mins
3) ulittleprick.sh picks random binary owned by me, rename binary.name to .binary.name.nitwit and create a script named binary.name
4) Then ulittleprick.sh will remove itself from cron

What the generated binary.name script does? Sleep for 2 secs, echo "Segmentation fault", then rename back .binary.name.nitwit to binary.name. It even exits with status 139! I want to cry! Worst part is comment in 2nd line of ulittleprick.sh... kill me now

Client just asked if I could make a dropdown menu appear when a navigation item is hovered over. ON MOBILE.

manager: we need timings on work
Me : what’s the business requirement
Manager: don’t know but the business want timings. We have an XSD.
Me: *thinks - cool story*.

Client asks me to implement pie chart on webpage. Sum of figures supplied amounts to > 100%. Pointing out discrepancy I request the correct figures, only to be told that the figures are correct. Very well. One week passes. Receive email from client: "The figures for this chart are wrong, they total > 100%, here are the correct figures...". *Sigh*.

fucking hell, piss off

I wonder if managers have their own rant app/community?

They'd probably give it some long pointless name, though, like Management Policy Execution Helper or something.

The management brought some devs from another outsourcing company into our project to overcome the fact that we, the existing developers, are retarded. We are retarded because they change the scope continously (aka daily) and we can’t keep track with their requests. They want something and after we implement it, they want it changed. Completely.

Instead of getting the project and deep dive into it using the materials (setup, architecture etc.) I prepared along the way, their PM said that we have to make some low level knowledge transfer. This knowledge transfer session happened on Friday.

The presenters were me and one of my colleagues. After 2 hours of training, we found out that the supposed senior devs don’t know how to use GIT, they don’t have a clue about Spring nor Angular (nor any SPA framework), their only questions were ‘why didn’t you use X?’ (where X = bootstrap, jQuery etc.) etc.

What is even funnier: during the presentation we were asked to keep a screen sharing opened during working hours for a couple of days just so the new devs could see how we are working.

Guess what happened with the scope on Friday evening: it changed again because ‘you got new devs so there will be multiple resources to handle tasks’.

2 more weeks and i’m out of there...

Lost 1.5 hours on Java trying to write a file until user enters EOF. Filled the program with .flush(). Then @freddy6896 points out that i was using Ctrl+C instead of Ctrl+D, killing the process before the .close() :/

Why not euro symbol?

Is it a feature on devRant, that the order of tags are shuffled when posting?

That feeling when you upgraded an internally used library from TypeScript 1.8 to 2.5 getting rid of the typings dependency and fixed its bug highlighted by the upgrade and all tests are green -- that feeling would not be rantworthy.

Realizing on trying to publish the new version that the master branch is not the actual master branch but a branch called 0.3 is. Of course I cannot merge my changes back there.

I don't mind a different main branch name. Yet don't call it a version, that's what tags are for. And for all that's holy, please set the proper main branch in your bitbucket / GitHub / gitlab so that I can find out easily.

Now I've wasted half a day and if you're looking for me: I'm gone searching for the motivation of doing the same shit again for the "main" branch.

"Use remote EJBs. REST is too complicated", said my archaic boss of his late 40's. Remote EJBs we wrote. Suffering we endured.

I just recently started my first job as a full stack programmer (still studying at university). I got assigned one month to code a complete front end to our api. Now, 4 days before release day the owner of the company makes breaking changes to the api.

Just. Beautiful.

There are exactly two tricks to optimizing:
1. Make it faster.
2. Call it less.

Remarked out code which has been commented out since 2015, now been checked in with a simple line comment of todo above it .....

Dev: what do I call this file ?
Me: just name it something meaningful so other dev's know what it is

Two days pass

Me: time to do code review .. oh look a new file ..

Git comment : new file for sax parsing , architecture gave the ok.

File name : SomethingMeaningful.java

"By larger do you mean bigger?"

I was honestly just asked this in an email from a client.

The funniest thing is I didn't even say "larger", I said "bigger".

Please, if you're recruiting a freshly graduated or junior developper, DO NOT ask him to be a fucking expert in whatever field or tech you're looking for.

One word rants really .. just piss me off ... like omg ... you can't take the time out to actually have an opinion !

Eclipse ... no that not a rant it's a hateful pies of sh1t which supplies you a default view of code which makes you feel like you are a pirate looking though a portal to an island 10 miles away ..

Soap ... that just the annoying mechanism you will use and and swear at and every time you use it it's different ...

Sql ... that's just something you should learn ... learn it .. it's useful ..

Michelin star Chefs, Chefs, sous chef, pastry chefs, cooks, burger flippers; they all prepare food.

I think that development is heading becoming a service industry. Millions of developers at the low end making next to nothing with less at the top making more; sometimes much more.

Then there will be shows like "Master Coder" where something is white boarded out and the contestants have a limited time to write the function.

Ever get assigned a defect like this?

First click any radio button and hit the Next button. Then on the next screen click some buttons and hit back button. Then hit next, change a radio selection, hit back, then next, then back, then next and eventually page will bomb out.

Wtf am I supposed to do with this?!

I have spent my entire day code reviewing thinking ...
This developer must think all the lines are fighting with one another ..

I kid you not ! Every line of code has white space between it ....

To top it off ... all strings are initialized new String() then assigned to constants ......

*sigh*

Woops! I was debugging a particularly snarky issue in Production the other day. This morning I realized about 60 minutes into my new coding I hadn't changed my profile back. I was testing form submissions on a live customer's site.

!Rant

So the interns tried to 3d print a rubberduck and it got stuck mid way.

Guess i have a coding duck now
I call her "Detached HEAD state"