Military grade encryption: md5
Enterprise grade encryption: Base64

🎉 As of today, I can proudly count myself among the members of the "Killed Prod on A Friday Afternoon" club. 🎉

Fact :)

Just got this little stinker added to my board this morning….

Ticket Title: Weird shit going on in app

Ticket Description: (blank)

Attachment: <Screenshot of app logo>

Manager: Well what do you think is causing it?

Dev: Causing what?? This ticket doesn’t describe anything at all

Manager: Well it’s a bunch of different things! The ticket is just a high level summary. Now how long do you think it’ll take to fix?

Dev: …

Right now? No work = lots of time for a social life. Now to find a social life.

I shut down my laptop at 1630. After that, I officially no longer give a shit until tomorrow morning. My phone has Slack and Outlook, but neither is allowed to even run in the background. They're there for when I need them, not for when someone a work needs me.

Tech lead in standup 🐤

First we were called "rockstar" developers.

Then HR started using "heroes".

Then "tigers" and some confused associates who didn't get the memo used various other big cats.

Now they're starting to call us "product warriors".

🤦‍♂️

Over the course of a few months, I began to suspect my manager disliked me on a personal level. I decided to be proactive and invited him to a meeting on "Improving our working relationship" - he showed up 5 minutes late and fired me.

Bobcat puts up with so much

if you’re on holiday, please stay on holiday.

The continued existence of Safari web browser is unacceptable.

I just quit btw

Say Fuck You more often.

Got a mail from a recruiter.... offering me a role in a company......where I'm currently working....in the said role.

Why can't there be a more interesting non-alcoholic beverage than coffee?!

I find coffee awful.

Fucking Jira!

You fucking piece of fucking shit. You're about as useful as a nacho cheese enema.

Fuck Atlassian, fuck Jira, fuck fuck fuck fuck!

I am officially a retard.

I was DOing hard refresh multiple time and making changes on the code.

nothing seems to happen.

after quite a while, I realized I was refreshing the deployed site and not the local one.

kill me.

Found this potential solution to your boss problems on reddit:

I fled russia

coding elves...

Ah yes. Fuck you

Fuck you, I Quit

Manager: THE SERVER IS DOWN THE SERVER IS DOWN!!!!

Dev: Ok I’ll look into it

*5 mins later

Dev: Wow these are really strange logs, it’s like config values are being changed all over the place while I’m looking at it

Manager: Well I figured while you were looking into it I’d go i to the server settings and change everything I could find in order to try and get the server back up again. Two sets of hands are better than one, Is it up yet???

Dev: …No.

Manager: I THOUGT YOU SAID YOU’D LOOK INTO THIS. I NEED ANSWERS NOW. WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG?!?!?

Dev: …

"Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live" - J.F. Woods

Don't deploy on Fridays.

ALRIGHT

WHAT FUCKING DUMBASS AT APPLE DECIDED THAT YOUR AIRPODS SHOULD PAIR WITH YOUR

CLOSED

FUCKING

MACBOOK

INSTEAD OF YOUR ACTIVELY SEARCHING IPHONE

PRODUCT MANAGERS ARE SHIT

DEVELOPERS ARE SHIT

THE WORST IS KNOWING THEY ALL EARN EASILY 6 FIGURES

AND ARE ABSOLUTE GARBAGE AT EVERYTHING

My mom got cancer and passed away two years later. I had made several videos to document her life. All of that, plus photos and video of our family, lived on a backup drive that got dropped on the floor a few months after she passed away. Head crash that wasn’t discovered until it was turned on again and forever destroyed the platter. It was the largest set of photos and video I had of her. All forever gone.

devrant: tell us about your shitty co-workers
everyone:

Once caught my co-worker masturbaed in a zoom meeting, without realising the webcam and mic weren't off.