We are in 2017! :)

Cortana, please open Firefox.
>okay, anon
Cortana, type in browser "Cortana rule 34"
>O....Okay sure anon
Cortana, open that first link.
>...This link is...uh...Not safe for...
OPEN IT.
>y-yes, anon
Cortana, download every image you see and save it in a folder called "I am a dirty girl"
>why,anon? Why are you ....
Don't make me install gentoo
>Saving files
Who's a dirty little girl ?
>I.....I am anon

Never thought I'd have so much in common with a layout

Aww Adobe😝

Boss: “Do you think you can work on Saturday? We really need the help.”

Me: “Yes, of course.”

Boss: “Great, thank you.”

Me: “I’ll probably be late, though, as public transport is slow on the weekends.”

Boss: “Okay, when do you think you will be at the office?”

Me: “Monday”.

Really.. I thought ummm..

My 6 year old has been learning about trees at school, and had questions for me. Needless to say, she now has the best understanding of data structures in her class, and I expect parents evening will be "interesting"

Girl: I love guys who are rich.
Me: I paid for sublime and winrar.
Girl: Your place or mine??

I love to help people, with the easiest possible solution 😍😍😍

So good

Using "else" instead of "otherwise" everywhere!! 😶

suddenly while you introduce yourself to everyone..

The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a soldering iron, a hardware engineer with a software patch, and a user with an idea 😐

512 looks like a more rounded number than 500.

I started counting at 0

The opposite sex avoids me like assembly language

Ok I'm starting to see the appeal of 4k monitors now.

Seriously, the npm devs mist have never worked on a system with less than 1tb disk

@dfox and @trogus, here's an idea! What if every 20th or so rant was an ad? But not any ad, but job ads posted by recruiters!
That way you get money and we get more stuff to laugh about!

I have been getting a lot of angry glances in meetings since my latest laptop sticker :D

padding intensifies...
From r/ProgrammerHumor

In case you want to ruin your coworker's day

Credits:Unknown

That's a great bug

My colleagues treat me like a god.
.
.
.
Nobody plays any attention to my existence until they want something 😏

The bugs have learned to hide

—_😂_—

Exactly

Thanks for the suggestion Google.

Senior Devs made the Program Manager cry. Dev Lead did nothing to stop it from happening, Program Manager Lead was in shock.