"oh, that's not bad. Only 17k emails"

I need to rethink my life...

Co-worker has been sick for two days now (the guy that mainly helps me).

This has forced me to do nearly every ticket myself without asking questions.

It's going really great! I'm very happy about it tbh 😊

Client...

"Can you make the UI look uglier and more ... Traditional?"

Removed CSS completely and gave them an HTML only page. They loved it.

So I like to put on some music while I shower.

For some godforsaken reason I put YouTube on autoplay.

Ended up listening to a 5 minute ad instead.

Rare old picture of a Linux Sysadmin enjoying a mug of tea after a hard day at work

My friend ask me what this method do?

Me : It's self explaning method bro ;)

Friend : doNothing() ???? 🤔🤔

User interface: 5/10
User experience: 10/10

*walks to the kitchen at work to get a glass of water*
*walks back and continues debugging an issue*
*starts drinking from the glass*
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
*noticing that I never actually filled the glass*

😐

That "in the zone" moment 😆

This is the best thing I've seen all week.

Every teacher of every course ever:

"This will be the hardest course you've ever done"

"This will be the most fun course you've ever done"

"You will need to put in 40hrs to even get a sufficient mark"

hah! don't make me laugh!

Lol 😂😂 best update message

So this happened today. I'm bad at remembering names so I always have to ask again.

for($i=0;$i<15;$i++)
{
Me: what was your name again?
Client: well, it still IS {name}. I'm still alive, you know.
😅😰
}

Colleagues noticed it as well 😅

Having PHP as my most useful skill.

I know various other languages, but they're either too exotic for professional use, or my knowledge about them doesn't have the same depth as with PHP.

People joke about how awful PHP is, and it's not entirely true. The incongruous stuff such as confusing parameter ordering can be fixed with libraries. And PHP7 fixed a lot of the ugly stuff. A good dev can certainly write structured, readable, performant PHP code.

But there is a real hard limit. PHP is missing more complex type definitions present in other languages. A weak type system is like building stuff with popsicle sticks and bits of duct tape, it works fast and perfectly fine for small projects, but the lack of strictness is a problem when you have thousands of classes intertwined in all kinds of complex factory, service and repository patterns. And the simple type hints are still newish and fully optional, which means a lot of people don't use them.

So I regret getting stuck in this self reinforcing loop, where I learn more about a very imperfect language through employment, and keep rolling into jobs using that skill because it's what I'm most experienced with.

#mindhacks 😎

Happy Halloween!

Friend: "I made a really cool game!"

Me: "Awesome, what's language did you make it in?"

Friend: "...English"

-_-

!dev

Don't drink 2 espressos as breakfast and go on a one-hour toiletless train ride.

60 minutes is a long time to frantically debate with yourself what would look weirder: Shitting in your laptop bag, or pressing your butt against the small sliding window.

Client: Urgent! App is crashing!
Me inside: Wtf, Crashlytics didn’t send me anything, it betrayed me...
Me: What’s wrong?
Client: Some random user sent me email that app is crashing SOMEWHERE(!?)
Me: ................................... no problem, I’m working on it.

*Tomorrow*
Me: Fixed, everything works fine now (didn’t do anything actually)
Client: Great, nice work!

Client never mentioned that “problem “ anymore.
#likeaboss

He wanted a project.
I gave him a project.
He wanted to collaborate.
We did collaborate.
He wrote nothing.
He left the project.
I have to finish the project...

Instagram Sniffer. A project that learns all about you and tells what it has learned [more details]

A colleague showed me this.

It happened again...

I think I will start to respond to my clients with "Let me Google That For You" links.

So many wifes out there are having this problem right now I guess.

A customer once wanted a button to sort a table column by name (alphabetically).
We told him, he just needed to click the column once.

The response:
C:"I still want that button!"

Just why...?

X: Can you link my Facebook account with the website?

Me: Yes. Can.

X: Good. I want to update website using Facebook since I know how to use Facebook well.

Me: 💀

7 red lines, all perpendicular to each other, some drawn with green or transparent ink.

Boss: “Our YouTube channel doesn’t look at all like our website.”

Me: “I’ve made it look as close to our branding as YouTube allows for with its limited editing controls.”

Boss: “This is unacceptable. I expected more from you.”

Me: “I cannot accept the blame for this. YouTube is setting the design parameters for all channels and I can only do so much.”

Boss: “You can call the YouTube, can’t you? Why didn’t you call them?”

Me: “.......and ask them....what?”

Boss: “You don’t ask! You tell! Our company has been around for 140 years. Our brand name carries that weight. They’ll change their design to what we need if you’re assertive enough.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s just not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.”

If you don't have a stupid coworker, then you are the stupid coworker!