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5 Types Of Programmers
1.The duct tape programmer
The code may not be pretty, but damnit, it works!
This guy is the foundation of your company. When something goes wrong he will fix it fast and in a way that won’t break again. Of course he doesn’t care about how it looks, ease of use, or any of those other trivial concerns, but he will make it happen, without a bunch of talk or time-wasting nonsense. The best way to use this person is to point at a problem and walk away.
2.The OCD perfectionist programmer
You want to do what to my code?
This guy doesn’t care about your deadlines or budgets, those are insignificant when compared to the art form that is programming. When you do finally receive the finished product you will have no option but submit to the stunning glory and radiant beauty of perfectly formatted, no, perfectly beautiful code, that is so efficient that anything you would want to do to it would do nothing but defame a masterpiece. He is the only one qualified to work on his code.
3.The anti-programming programmer
I’m a programmer, damnit. I don’t write code.
His world has one simple truth; writing code is bad. If you have to write something then you’re doing it wrong. Someone else has already done the work so just use their code. He will tell you how much faster this development practice is, even though he takes as long or longer than the other programmers. But when you get the project it will only be 20 lines of actual code and will be very easy to read. It may not be very fast, efficient, or forward-compatible, but it will be done with the least effort required.
4.The half-assed programmer
What do you want? It works doesn’t it?
The guy who couldn’t care less about quality, that’s someone elses job. He accomplishes the tasks that he’s asked to do, quickly. You may not like his work, the other programmers hate it, but management and the clients love it. As much pain as he will cause you in the future, he is single-handedly keeping your deadlines so you can’t scoff at it (no matter how much you want to).
5.The theoretical programmer
Well, that’s a possibility, but in practice this might be a better alternative.
This guy is more interested the options than what should be done. He will spend 80% of his time staring blankly at his computer thinking up ways to accomplish a task, 15% of his time complaining about unreasonable deadlines, 4% of his time refining the options, and 1% of his time writing code. When you receive the final work it will always be accompanied by the phrase “if I had more time I could have done this the right way”.
What type of programmer are you?
Source: www.stevebenner.com16 -
Met a Project Manager (at a friend's party) who had transitioned to a PM role from a developer role (most probably he wrote shitty code)
Smartass PM to me (after I told I code for living) : I really pity poor programmers and I feel sorry for them, the work they do, the effort they put in l, it's just now worth it
Me : yes you are right if we don't code PM are just not worth it, I understand it's a skill to talk about deadlines and features and what not, but the Pre-requisite is that some one would code it first. Also coding is not that anyone can do, I do it because I enjoy it, I m just not meant for superficial talks and I love building things, that's y I do it..
Smartass PM : (dumbstuck)
After half an hr of bullshit conversation...smartass PM has realized it by now that in Silicon Valley (where we live) it's much cooler to be a developer than being a PM (he has recently moved from east coast)...
PM to me : I just live on stack-overflow
Me thinking : Really !!
People should not compare their career paths, every one has their interest and personality -
Programmers nowadays have to...
… write 100%-covering unit tests;
… set up continuous integration, linters, hinters, style checkers, …;
… follow style guides for every language;
… meet impossible deadlines;
… meet impossible management/customer/end user expectations;
… read through terrible code others made;
… read through terrible documentation others made;
… make terrible documentation themselves;
… fight with the IDE;
… fight with the build tools;
… deal with unreproducible crash reports coming in from everywhere;
… debug code written at 2am (by themselves AND others);
…
…
…
… KNOW HOW TO PROGRAM.6 -
I might lose my job this week
I'm part of a team of 2 tech people
We were hired as programmers. But over these past 10 months we've done everything from helpdesk to fixing network infrastructure, i setup a backup server for the company, started properly managing the companies passwords,and a host of other things not in my contract.
But my boss is changing the deadline again and she refuses to listen to anyone's concerns, she doesn't understand the complexity of what she wants and since the best we've done so far can be considered at best a prototype in my opinion shes going to be disappointed
So at the next meeting me and my coworker are going to politely list our grivences point out all shes had us do at the same time and the impossible deadlines.
I've seen herpitch a fit for less so I'm fully prepared to be fired in rage in which case I'll compile the documentation and information on what we've done to email her.
But I'm pretty sure she won't find anything long term for the 40k salary shes expecting. Especially with how slow she is to do work herself. I was supposed to be on company health insurance since October 2020
In a way I'm kinda relieved at the potential of being fired.3 -
Rant here... Consistent daily Mob or pair pair programming is for noobs, non-competent programmers that delay deadlines and cannot hold their own in corporate development environments5
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Inhuman deadlines imposed by non-programmers... don't know what feels worst: the shame of my own present code, or the fear of my own future bugs.
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"All Tech Projects Run Over Budget"
https://medium.com/@team_96861/...
I was on a nice streak of being calm for a while and then this article just dropped today. Fuck management and fuck whichever dumbass wrote this piece of shit.
Is anyone else pissed off at this? It makes it sound like software engineers are slow and never on time, and the main reason for a project's failure is the inability of programmers to meet deadlines. I find this a little sus, especially as it's written by someone in a management position.
I would argue that projects fail because:
1. Management takes the very feasible timeline given to them and throws it out the window, opting to impose impossible deadlines instead, because FUCK your employees right?
2. Clients have requirements that can't be met (I agree w/ this from the article, but not the part about developers not accounting for issues--I always do this and everyone I know does this)
3. Technical Debt arising from when management tells the software engineers to *just do it this way because it's cheaper*
The calculator they made is nice but it's also quoting estimates that I and everyone I've spoken to agree with, so this is clearly not a software engineer problem, it's a fucking management problem. "Budget" = accounting's job.
/rant
That being said, the "take their quote and triple it" part had me dead...1 -
Recently attended an interview. The guy was some random company consultant. Job description was for spring-boot (also required templating engine experience). He was asking me whether I know angular and JEE (completely different and kinda opposite of the job desc). That's a bummer but good thing I've messed around with these once or twice so I know whatsup.
Also, who the fuck has already got 7 programmers and wants to double up to 14 by only adding university students to the team (after teaching them angular and jee for a month, but whatever, its only a fucking month), in order to complete a new project with tight deadlines?
I don't think I'm sticking with this one...2
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