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!geek girlfriend
Me and my partner are in the car driving. We drive by a young girl who is on her scooter. I look at my gf and ask,
Me: do you sometimes have some weird thoughts in mind (and nothing relating to sex her just so you know).
Her: well what do you mean?
Me: well i se that person scootering on the sidewalk and i imagine screaming at her like a lunatic “GET THE FUCK OFF THE ROAD PUNK” (which the little girl clearly isn't).
She laughs.
Her: yeah，i do too but it's more scientific， like sometimes i wonder how many times some one would flip. In the air if i hit them with the car or how long would it take some one to reach the ground if i pushed them off the balcony.
....
Me: silence...
Skin goes white
Her: looks at me with a big smile!!!
Im not sure if this is good or bad ;)23 -
Ahahaha I don't know if I cry or laugh..
I slept 1 hour today, woke up, left the kid at school came back home planning on sleeping another 2 hours and coming to work.
Took a shower and remembered I had an important meeting by 8:30 am and it was already 8:10 ... Ran like fucking crazy , ate an orange for breakfast ran like a lunatic in traffic just to arrive at work by 8:34 and be told the meeting has been rescheduled for tomorrow afternoon...
Had to smile to who rescheduled the meeting right now writing this rant :)
Now... Who the fuck sends an email at 00:02 to reschedule a fucking meeting??
Fuck.14 -
When I self-published my first indie game on steam and people actually started buying it.
Remember sitting on the floor with a bottle of vodka trying to tell my girlfriend like that lunatic dotconnecting on a whiteboard meme guy, this is really bad because too much people bought it.
They should spend their money on something useful instead of me, I felt like a fraud.
It turned out good in the end tho, made some updates for it that made it better so i felt better about it, plus got a job from a publisher because they liked my game 😃6 -
WARNING: Cringe stuff ahead
And now this happens
A dude who posts spams on LinkedIn and shits on people publicly, made yet another garbage post (which was copied too).
Ref. picture attached in the post.
That went viral on Reddit and I made a comment that I know this guy, have spoken to him, and he made me go bonkers.
Now, he runs a community on Slack that I am part of. I open Slack today and see a message from him where is being sarcastic on how hateful I was.
Ref. picture in comments.
What kind of hypocrite someone could be when they shit on others but when called out, get hurt.
No one says anything to my dev friends.
15 -
I swear I work with mentally deranged lunatics.
Dev is/was using TFS's web api to read some config stuff..
Ralph: "Ugh..this is driving me crazy. I've spent all day trying to read this string from TFS and it is not working"
Me: "Um, reading a string from an web api is pretty easy, what's the problem?"
Ralph: "I'm executing the call in a 'using' statement and cannot return the stream."
Me: "Why do you need to return a stream? Return the object you are looking for."
Ralph: "Its not that easy. You can return anything from TFS. All you get back is a stream. Could be XML, JSON, text file, image, anything."
Me: "What are you trying to return?"
Ralph: "XML config. If I use XDoc, the stream works fine, but when I step into each byte from the stream, I the first three bytes have weird characters. I shouldn't have to skip the first three bytes to get the data. I spent maybe 5 hours yesterday digging around the .Net stream readers used in XDoc trying to figure out how it skips the first few bytes."
Me: "Wow...I would have used XDoc and been done and not worried about that other junk."
Ralph: "But I don't know the stream is XML. That's what I need to figure out."
Me: "What is there to figure out? You do know. Its your request. You are requesting a XML config."
Ralph: "No, the request can be anything. What if Sam requests an image? XDoc isn't going to work."
Me: "Is that a use-case? Sam requesting an image?"
Ralph: "Uh..I don't know...he could"
Me: "Sounds like your spending a lot of time doing premature optimization. You know what your accessing TFS for, if it's XML, return XML. If it's an image, return an image. Something new comes along, modify the code to handle it. Eazy peezy."
<boss walks in from a meeting>
Boss: "Whats up guys?"
Ralph: "You know the problem with TFS and not being able to stream the data I had all day yesterday? I finally figured it out. I need to keep this TFS reader simple. I'll start with the XML configs and if we more readers later, we can add them."
Boss: "Oh yea, always start simple and add complexity only when you need it."
Frack...Frack..Frack...you played some victim complaining to anyone who would listen yesterday (which I mostly ignored) about reading data from TFS was this monumental problem no one could solve, then you start complaining to me, I don't fall for the BS, then tell the boss the solution was your idea?
Lunatic or genius? Wally would be proud.
4 -
writing library code is hard.
there are sooo many details that go into writing good libraries:
designing intuitive and powerful apis
deciding good api option defaults, disallowing or warning for illegal operations
knowing when to throw, knowing when to warn/log
handling edge cases
having good code coverage with tests that doesn't suck shit, while ensuring thry don't take a hundred years to run
making the code easy to read, to maintain, robust
and also not vulnerable, which is probably the most overlooked quality.
"too many classes, too little classes"
the functions do too much it's hard to follow them
or the functions are so well abstracted, that every function has 1 line of code, resulting in code that is even harder to understand or debug (have fun drowning in those immense stack traces)
don't forget to be disciplined about the documentation.
most of these things are
deeply affected by the ecosystem, the tools of the language you're writing this in:
like 5 years ago I hated coding in nodejs, because I didn't know about linters, and now we have tools like eslint or babel, so it's more passable now
but now dealing with webpack/babel configs and plugins can literally obliterate your asshole.
some languages don't even have a stable line by line debugger (hard pass for me)
then there's also the several phases of the project:
you first conceive the idea, the api, and try to implement it, write some md's of usage examples.
as you do that, you iterate on the api, you notice that it could better, so you redesign it. once, twice, thrice.
so at that point you're spending days, weeks on this side project, and your boss is like "what the fuck are you doing right now?"
then, you reach fuckinnnnng 0.1.0, with a "frozen" api, put it on github with a shitton of badges like the badge whore you are.
then you drop it on forums, and slack communities and irc, and what do you get?
half of the community wants to ban you for doing self promotion
the other half thinks either
a) your library api is shitty
b) has no real need for it
c) "why reinvent the wheel bruh"
that's one scenario,
the other scenario is the project starts to get traction.
people start to star it and shit.
but now you have one peoblem you didn't have before: humans.
all sorts of shit:
people treating you like shit as if they were premium users.
people posting majestically written issues with titles like "people help, me no work, here" with bodies like "HAAAAAAAAAALP".
and if you have the blessing to work in the current js ecosystem, issues like "this doesn't work with esm, unpkg, cdnjs, babel, webpack, parcel, buble, A BROWSER".
with some occasional lunatic complaining about IE 4 having a very weird, obscure bug.
not the best prospect either.3 -
If you're a client and abuse the info given to you by any of the platforms to come visit me, I won't hestitate to call the police again, you fucking lunatic.
In what fucking mind does that even make sense, so damn lucky I wasn't actually here and just saw it on the CCTV, fucking trespassing piece of shit.
Waiting for the police to report back, so I can use any possible opportunity to reflect it in his public record, fucking cunt. -
Our team makes a software in Java and because of technical reasons we require 1GB of memory for the JVM (with the Xmx switch).
If you don't have enough free memory the app without any sign just exits because the JVM just couldn't bite big enough from the memory.
Many days later and you just stand there without a clue as to why the launcher does nothing.
Then you remember this constraint and start to close every memory heavy app you can think of. (I'm looking at you Chrome) No matter how important those spreadsheets or illustrator files. Congratulation you just freed up 4GB of memory, things should work now! WRONG!
But why you might ask. You see we are using 32-bit version of java because someone in upper management decided that it should run on any machine (even if we only test it on win 7 and high sierra) and 32 is smaller than 64 so it must be downwards compatible! we should use it! Yes, in 2019 we use 32-bit java because some lunatic might want to run our software on a Windows XP 32-bit OS. But why is this so much of a problem?
Well.. the 32-bit version of Java requires CONTIGUOUS FREE SPACE IN MEMORY TO EVEN START... AND WE ARE REQUESTING ONE GIGABYTE!!
So you can shove your swap and closed applications up your ass but I bet you that you won't get 1GB contiguous memory that way!
Now there will be a meeting about this issue and another related to the issues with 32-bit JVM tomorrow. The only problem is that this issue only occures if you used up most of your memory and then try to open our software. So upper management will probably deem this issue minor and won't allow us to upgrade to 64-bit... in 20fucking1910 -
Some lunatic apparently created a package and named it "django-restframework" (notice the hyphen?) and not the conventional, popular "djangorestframework" that we all know and love.
I made a mistake to install the former and after installing with pip and saving in my requirements.txt file it read "django-restframework==0.0.1"
I looked at the version number and initially thought "hmm, well that's odd" but didn't pay much attention to it cos I was trying to get started really quickly.
Long story short, I just spent the past hour trying to understand why I was getting a ModuleNotFoundError: No module named 'rest_framework' whenever I tried to execute my project.
🙂 thank you lunatic4 -
Recruiter: Hey you have Java experience, right?
Me: Uhm, yeah, but I have a job...
Recruiter: I have here a three month contract at £200 a day and...
Me: I already have a job.
Recruiter: What? Paying this much, I think not.
Me: Well, no, but it's a full time role and I just bought a house, so I'm not going to jeopardize my financial stability. I mean what happens at the end of the three months, I'm basically unemployed!
Recruiter: We might have other roles available then.
Me: You MIGHT have roles... Excuse me, but do you think I am an idiot? What lunatic in their right mind would quit a stable full time role, for a short term contract with no guarantee of subsequent work?
Recruiter: Well... They do pay well for Java devs...
Me: Yeah, please delete my file...4 -
So, this is probably somewhat esoteric but...
While studying at university I had a "programming paradigms" module, dunno why they called it that, it was more like "introduction to functional programming".
So, it's kinda mind bending, we'd only really started to get our heads around classical object oriented programming and they throw functional programming at us.
It's worse than that though, for do they use an established language, like lisp/scheme, functional Python, or even given Haskell?
No, of course they didn't. They taught us Oz.
You probably won't have heard of it, but this language is burned into the back of my brain, along with a vague understanding of the n-queens problem we had to solve graphically (using qTk, which I dunno if someone took qt and tk and blended them, I stopped asking questions after a while).
To top it off did this language (at the time) have a stand alone interpreter? Did it buggery! It was coupled to the Mozart programming system, which is just Emacs (which has a bloody lisp built into it,so close, yet so far 😭).
It gets worse, though, oh does it get worse, for pause dear reader and consider, have you ever heard of Mozart/oz before, I'd put money on most of you had not heard of it until today.
For, you see, I believe at the time of writing, one, yes, ONE text book exists on this language. When I was doing my assignment there was merely some published conference notes and language design documents.
That's not all, I was not the only one experiencing difficulties with this language, someone in the class ended up pouring through the mailing lists and found the very tutor teaching the class struggling at first to understand the language.
I had to repeat that year. The functional programming class was one semester.
When I retook that year, it was a whole year long. However, halfway through the year, original tutor was fired and a new tutor was hired to teach the language.
He was, understandably, just as confused as we were.
There was a Starbucks and a pub equidistant from the lecture hall, though in opposite directions. From lecture to lecture we had no idea which one we'd end up in.
I have reason to believe Mozart/Oz it some sort of otherworldly abomination designed to give students the occasional nightmare flashback, long after they've left.
My room had post it notes, sheets of paper, print outs, diagrams, doodles and pens, just stuck to the wall, I looked like a raving lunatic three hours away from being institutionalised. There was string connecting one diagram to the next and images of a chess queen all over. As I attempted to solve the n-queens problem.
Madmans knowledge, I call it. I can never unlearn all that, in fact it seeps into much of the code I write. Such information was not meant for the minds of a simple country bumpkin such as myself...
Mozart/Oz... I wouldn't be the programmer I am today without it, and that's frankly terrifying...10 -
I dropped my kid off at preschool and went my way home.
She's 2 so I transport her on a stroller.
While coming back, I came across an old lady sweeping the sidewalk of her house, and it got narrow to pass through because there was a tree next to her.
I carefully slowed down as to not collide with her, and while going through, we noticed each other.
I did a tiny smile as a way of saying "hi" like I usually do to people on the street.
To which she gave back the most innocent and sweet smile I've ever seen a stranger give on the street.
I could honestly feel my heart crack as it happened.
I guess the stroller must have caused her sympathy thus that reaction.
(which is why I like going around with the stroller, because people tend to treat you nicely which feels nice, like butterflies)
I know it might seem like an ordinary story without a punchline, but let me explain that I walk this city everyday.
And even though the people here is very nice compared to other cities I've lived in, it is very rare to get smiled at with such joy.
You might still think that is not a good story. But I can explain its relevance.
As some of you know, I post triggering content on this account, closeted parts of me that I normally hide,
Such as sexual stuff, some people think I'm a degenerate but I like to think I just have normal sexual thoughts that don't affect others in real life AT ALL.
And I'm also very argumentative, again, some people might see it as troll behaviour. On my side though, I just don't like bullshit and call it out when I see it.
But with this post, I'm not trying to be more likable or negate all the weird shit I said. This post is just another closeted part of me, being emotional.
And the reason I hide that is because it is not generally well accepted when a man is sensitive, at least where I'm from.
For example, if a female friend at work had a nice haircut, sometimes I feel the urge to be like "omg girl you look so prettyyyy!!!!".
But if I did that I know what will happen based on DIRECT experience: people will assume I'm gay or weak, and will make fun of that.
Or the actual friend will think I'm hitting on her.
No, fucking thank you, not having that shit.
But even if people accepted that, they just can't conceive I'm also very direct and honest, so when they do get to know me better, they get shocked.
So what do I do? I just hide that. That might change in the future, but I don't have the energy right now to deal with some people's simplemindedness.
I'm not making any sort of political statement, like "people should be treat me correctly or else get fired because of offending my gender".
But I'm not gonna lie, it would feel very nice if I was around more progressive people. I wished I had just just standard male behaviour and thoughts.
I guess some people in progressive cities are more accepting of the whole gender fluid thing, so I wished I lived in one (let me clarify though, I'm not a mindless gender fanatic).
I'm also not perfect and sometimes the line between "I love your haircut" and "I'm into you" blurs the fuck out, so that's on me... I don't know if it's something I can change though...
Hopefully all this shit I'm saying doesn't make me look like a lunatic. Veeeery hopefully.
Though, If you think for real I'm a lunatic or bad person, you can suck donkey dick.14 -
So normally I go with a super-conservative error handler that logs errors, and exit the process on even the tinyest/smallest error.
Regardless or project/cms/framework I always to this to prevent myself from installing spaghetti plugins or writing unstable code.
Also because I don't want any code to just soldier on if a variable wasn't defined properly, or likewise.
But today I had to write this little fucker into my error handler, to support the error surpressing operator '@'
Appearently prestashop was developed by a group of senseless moronic fuckwits,
and hteir piece of horseshit software doesn't even work if it isn't allowed to surpress errors.
What was the fucking imbeciles thinking when requiring such lunatic behaviour...
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You know what a fucking good place for 1000s of mp4s, pdfs, doc files, exes and svgs is? Yeah, the bloddy SVN,which mirrors to git.
And how about a ibm websphere install zip with tiny 1.3gb?
And of cause you store your fuckin perl and Shellscripts, that have been written by a plain lunatic and that are responsible for installing the crap in the repo.
What? One repo for one component? Nah, cramp like 150 different projects into on repo.
And the most important scripts have to be kept unversionized ... For reasons.
And this is just the tip of the iceberg of shit.
Btw. websphere ships its own apache2.2 and its own security lib and its own openssl compilation, with ibm java ... Filesystem hierarchy standard? Dafuq? If you want to find something it better be like where is waldo - right, IBM? And command arguements? Man pages, usable documentation, usable deployment? How did any of this ever seem like a good idea to anyone?
Go get a koloscopy with a submarine periscope, IBM. -
My current state of mood:
Too many dumb fucktards trying to be clever.
It's everywhere. Even when I close my fucking work apps and just want to have a fucking break, some dumbtards of friends remind me of the insanity outside.
I always laughed about the paranoid people who built bunkers somewhere in nowhere for very obscure and most of the time lunatic reasons.
Now I'm envious.
Winter Depression is also setting in and sleep wasn't good in the last weeks, too.
It's funny how one can be furiously annoyed and pissed 24/7 and at the same time be totally tired.
3 weeks sitting alone over Christmas and new year since paying out vacation and overtime is not possible.
Bleeeeeh.
Don't expect me round for the following weeks, think my mood will get even worse.6 -
Using eclipse after a long while on a work laptop and this fucking piece of shit console window popping the fuck up and my cursor auto switching to it is the fucking shit design of a fucking lunatic from the fourteenth circle of hell, where the eternal punishment in addition to being roasted alive, probably includes being forced to fucking use eclipse.
Did I mention fuck eclipse? Fuck, I don't even care if I did. Fuck eclipse again.
Oh and to add on, if you're thinking of making the very useful suggestion that it's very easy to turn off window focus with just two buttons, then fuck you and the guy who designed that shitty UI fucking button.3 -
So to keep me going through the day I sometimes entertain myself by adding funny comments to my pull requests. I sit there giggling to myself like some sort of lunatic and the rest of the office probably think I'm a nutcase.
Todays gem was:
Added timeout to prevent hanging. Bet they wish they'd had this feature in the 16th century
Honestly I think my talents are wasted here...1 -
PISSED.
Fucking Docker, for no fucking reason (no updates, no changes, etc), I tried booting it up following the morning ritual, and nope, ERR_EMPTY_RESPONSE when connecting to my current project (means I managed to connect but for some reason no data is sent). Nginx container doesn't yell about anything.
Everything around works. Accessing the container works. Even pinging my dev domain works. Why the fuck suddenly fucking Docker just **stops**?!
Restarted Hyper-V, updated laradock, recreated containers, disabled AcrylicDNS. NOPE.
"Fuck you Phlisg, I'm not in the mood today" <lunatic Docker is lunatic>
ARG.
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