Why did Sweden start painting barcodes on the sides of their battleships? So they could Scandinavian.

If someone asks me how I spent my 30s, I'll be like "oh, I waited for the Docker to build"

Today, I had new instructions at my work : report what I do
- in the redmine ticket
- in the project slack channel
- in the project manager's slack channel
- in the slack channel where there are 3 people monitoring
- face to face
- in an activity report
and this, several times a day

Can we call this micromanagement ? 🤯

I will never not laugh at this

I had a zoom meeting with a new company who came looking for ME. I did NOT look for them. I already have a job (but they pay 3-4x more than my current job).

It went well. How the fuck was this a technical interview. Guy only asked me what ive worked on so far by now. Nothing technical n shit

At the end

Hr asked me how much bands i want 💰💰💰(here we fucking go again)

I had to stall it and avoid question. The guy started rolling his eyes and turned off his webcam. The fuck is your fucking problem Bitch?

Then she said we cant move to the next 76th interview unless i say range or minimum. I don't give a fuck anymore. I said my minimum

She started writing it down and, i have never in my life seen someone disconnect a zoom call after that.

Literally hr was saying Thank u for taking the time to join the interview, the guy also said thanks, i started saying thank you for your time an- they fucking disconnected the fucking call. In the middle of my fucking sentence. I did not manage to finish my fucking sentence from how fast they disconnected.

NOW I'LL ASK FOR DOUBLE OR NOTHING AT THE END INTERVIEW DUE TO THIS BEHAVIOR. GET FUCKED

Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight.

lol someone went systematically through my posts and downvoted each of them, i'm down like 200 points from weeks ago

imagine caring that much

"he who angers you controls you"

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

Client: "When can you deliver this feature, so we can move on?"

Me: "Well, by the end of the week could be feasible."

Client: "Perfect!"

Me at the end of the week: "It is finished."

Client: "Thanks!"
Client proceeds to not use the feature for over 3 months.

WTF? I've been laid off more than a month ago, AND THIS EXTRA-STUPID ACCOUNTING BRAT TEXTS MY PERSONAL PHONE TO COMPLAIN THAT SOME REPORT IS BROKEN.
(she still works for my former company, if that wasn't clear)
Bitch, you fucks literally told me this shit wasn't my problem anymore. Seriously, where do they find those complete morons? Don't they know how "being sacked" works? Or how you cannot expect any work from someone who was sacked?!?
Especially some sheila that only has a job because it is literally illegal to use a pocket calculator instead of an "human" accountant.
Fuck, now I'm kinda happy I'm out of that nuthouse.

2012 laptop:
- 4 USB ports or more.
- Full-sized SD card slot with write-protection ability.
- User-replaceable battery.
- Modular upgradeable memory.
- Modular upgradeable data storage.
- eSATA port.
- LAN port.
- Keyboard with NUM pad.
- Full-sized SD card slot.
- Full-sized HDMI port.
- Power, I/O, charging, network indicator lamps.
- Modular bay (for example Lenovo UltraBay)
- 1080p webcam (Samsung 700G7A)
- No TPM trojan horse.

2024 laptop:
- 1 or 2 USB ports.
- Only MicroSD card slot. Requires fumbling around and has no write-protection switch.
- Non-replaceable battery.
- Soldered memory.
- Soldered data storage.
- No eSATA port.
- No LAN port.
- No NUM pad.
- Micro-HDMI port or uses USB-C port as HDMI.
- Only power lamp. No I/O lamp so user doesn't know if a frozen computer is crashed or working.
- No modular bay
- 720p webcam
- TPM trojan horse (Jody Bruchon video: https://youtube.com/watch/... )
- "Premium design" (who the hell cares?!)

A recruiter emailed me.
And called me (and left a voicemail).
AND texted me.

About a job opportunity in California (I live in Texas).

That requires experience writing performance critical and thread-safe code in a large multi-threaded codebase (I work primarily in JavaScript/TypeScript ecosystem, fat chance of that).

Responsibilities listed as: Focus on Supercharger Open Charge Point Protocol (OCPP) software features. I don’t even know what the fuck that means.

Opportunity is for a 3 month contract.

Why are you so desperate, lady?

Big boss: Last year we had much more revenue and profits than our expectations, and this success is thanks to all of you. Thank you! You made an excellent work! Impressive!
Some employee: Can we all get a raise?
Big boss: Wtf that question again? No way!

why do i feel like sOfTwArE cErTifiCaTiOnS are the biggest scam in the world

literally zero prediction of the quality of work you will produce, cuz you could float through them anyway

i guess even more 🤡 is companies that request certain "certifications"

correct me if i'm wrong; are there certifications of the equivalent rigor like the fundamentals of engineering (fe) exam? in this sense, our industry is far behind... though to be fair 90% of software is non life / operational critical like building a freaking bridge is

“iPhones powered by lenin
Nice to have legs”

Another kiki dream. I wrote this down at 6 am, then fell asleep again. I have NO CLUE what it means. It made sense then, but makes none now.

Someone ported the entire San Andreas to Gmod.
https://youtube.com/watch/...

https://aprogrammerlife.com/top-rat...

Apple's "Think Different" is originally a play on IBM's "Think".

sigh...

Buttons that say "Yes, please" should be "Yes".
"No, thanks" should be "No".
"Not now" should be "Never".
I am using software, not talking to people, there's no need to be nice.

so now i have to explain to customers how long a 30 day trial is...

do you guys know maybe, just maybe... HOW LONG A 30 DAY TRIAL IS?!?!?

>work on multi million dollar company
>last year "we were doing fine" until we got told "well, turns out we didn't, no bonus this year"
>people leave
>You'll get a bonus next year for sure
>Company cuts expenses such as training budgets and freezes raises and promotions
>People still leave
>There are whole teams that are now left with 1-3 people, lol
>Turns out we will not get any bonuses this year either, except for "the high achievers", but they have not announced it yet
>high achievers include the evp of engineering who single handedly destroyed the company's DevOps department last year and an EM/engineer who is completely incompetent as both an engineer as well as a manager, so much so that the company has made him his own 1-person-department so that he doesn't have to work with other people
>Upper management keeps telling us everything is going fine and they suck each other's d**k

This is like watching a trainwreck in slow motion lmao.
I'll stay till they announce this year's bonuses to watch the shit show and then I'll leave

Starting a new job tomorrow after 4 months of unemployment. I'm not excited at all about this job. Gotta find where I stashed the clown face makeup so I'm all ready in the morning.

In Russian, the difference between "there is an entire legion of us" and "I don't give a fuck" is one whitespace.

Нас рать / насрать

Finally completed half-life 2 episodes!

AI isnt going to crack your SHA dumb fuck

god i hate this planet

"I don't know where to put a class, must belong to the utils"

Said every -10x engineer.

Interestingly enough, the worst JavaScript code I’ve ever had to deal with was written by back-enders coming from a Java background. The app was unusable and it took me a few weeks to put it back on track.
So is JS the culprit, or is it the elite backend community that fails to even try to make good use of it? 🤡

I find this mildly amusing.

Was looking for an excuse to use this meme:

Not a deadline but I once worked for a company that regularly asked for “accurate estimates” which I found hilariously oxymoronic