windows update code

function update(){
print("10%");
print("30%");
print("50%");
print("99%");
_doActualUpdate();
_mineBitcoin();
print("100%");
return;
}

No. More. Writing. Code. On. A. Fucking. Piece. Of. Paper.

 (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

If you have good eyes, list C# in your skills section.

I used to be chrome fan boy then I saw this

True story tho :,)

Finally reached it

Gillette Excel

┓┏┓┏┓┃
┛┗┛┗┛┃＼○／
┓┏┓┏┓┃ / Friday
┛┗┛┗┛┃ノ)
┓┏┓┏┓┃ Deploys
┛┗┛┗┛┃
┓┏┓┏┓┃
┛┗┛┗┛┃
┓┏┓┏┓┃
┃┃┃┃┃┃
┻┻┻┻┻┻

- Knock, knock

- An async function

- Who's there?

UI design gone wrong

How to vertically center in css..

Two CSS properties walk into a bar.
A barstool in a completely different bar falls over.

Just got this slack from our server admin.

Train conversation between 3 girls:

A: "Oh, I've got 4G.. "
B: "What, we have 4G!?"
C: "OMG I HATE 4G!"
A: "Yeah, it's almost as slow as E"
C: "I know, right?!"
.....
Kill me pls

Proud dad moment:
My son just worked out how to use a firestick remote to put Thomas on TV.
He's 2.
My parents can barely work their remote without playing 20 questions.
Not long before he learns how to use bash now!

Drunk coded my entire assignment the other night without running it once. Went to debug when sober and the only thing I had to fix were a few typos.

Screw Emojis!!

Client asks how many days will it take to implement feature XYZ.

I say 3 days. But Skype had other plans.

Friend: "What is devRant?"
Me: "A place where programmers tell jokes and complain."
Friend: "Why dont you just do that irl?"
Me: "Because we never test in production"

Asks Cortana to tell a joke, and Cortana opens Bing. Made my day, well played Cortana

How to kill a lot of Linux users in one go without being accused of murder:

1) Write on social media "which is the best Linux distro and why?"
2) Watch them fight and kill each other
3) Profit

I miss the good old days...

Financial status :

Sort by price : Low to high.

😥😥

If everything is high priority, nothing is high priority.

Boss: "Here's our new intern! He's a bloody genius doing apps! Perfect for that important project that shouldn't be trusted to an intern!!"

*takes intern 9 weeks to do a login view without any real backend*

Turns out the guy couldn't do shit but steal others code and change background color.

Boss: "He wasn't very good..."
Me: "You interview him. How about you bring a developer to the interview next time..."
Boss: "Doesn't matter. The app needs to be done the day after tomorrow, good luck"
Me: "............"

*puts on coffee, cries, programs the app in miserable silence*

CSS is an awesome language. It only takes a few years of practice before you're able to style a minimal website in a matter of days.

Dad: What do you think about this laptop?
*looking at specs... Raising eyes. Intel i3 first gen., 2 GB RAM*
Me: Nice calculator

#Gitlab database 😀😀😉

System.io.weed

Stoned..!

Oh! Fuck! What should I do now!!! There is a fucking human filter.