If you want a terrifying name for your metal band, don't call it “Whispers from the Abyss of Despair” or “Through the Veil of Darkness and Desolation”.

Call it “Surgery Robot From Temu”.

Client: "Do you think we could finish specs in week 33, see a demo in week 35, and aim for the product to be finished in week 39?"

I jump on the conference room table, rip the shirt off my sweaty chest, and yell:

"WEEKS OF WHAT? 31 WEEKS SINCE YOU BECAME A CLIENT, 35 WEEKS FROM NOW, 39 WEEKS INTO THE PREGNANCY? BLOODY FUCKING HELL MAN, DO YOU HAVE TO TALK LIKE A RETARD?"

Client, unfazed: "Weeks since the start of the year, sir"

Me, swinging my pants above my head like a lasso:

"WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF SNOWFLAKE ARE YOU, YOU REALLY EXPECT ME TO COUNT THE WEEKS SINCE THE START OF THE YEAR? WHAT ABOUT JUST USING DAY OF THE MONTH YOU OBNOXIOUS DIMWIT?"

Client: "We always use weeks at our company to plan things"

Me, winding the legs of my pants around the neck of the client:

"I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE USE WEEKNUMBERS, JAKE. I. FUCKING. HATE. IT."

Client, still pretending everything is fine: "If you want I could send you a screenshot of my outlook calendar?"

Me, sitting in underpants on the client's back, sweaty legs wrapped around his waist, trying to pull out his gel-infested manager-hair while strangling him with my pants:

"TIME OF DEATH, UNIX TIMESTAMP 1595240810, ISO 8601 DATE 2020-07-20T10:26:50+00:00. ANOTHER PROJECT SUCCESSFULLY WRAPPED UP"

(parts of this story may have been dramatized to reflect my underlying emotions)

Didn't see that coming

Bash is a ridiculous language.

Imagine if a the default shell language was quick and easy (like Python) how much quicker you'd be able to whip up a script - or even debug it.

And to all the bash lovers, no I don’t care about the history of the stupid language and don't try and convince me you whip up a quick script in 2 minutes.

*random person stars my repo on Github*

Me: Fuck yes give me those stars!

*checks user's profile, has starred 40k repositories*

Me: Take that star back you whore.

Holy fuck, muscle memory just saved my ass.

At a train station wanting to do some work on my mini laptop which has disk encryption (LUKS I think). Realised that I forgot the password partly 😬

Few tries.... incorrect. FUCK.

*hey, let's try to let my hands do the work based on muscle memory!*

*starts typing the password (its insanely long) and presses enter*

*succesfully unlocked, booting...*

😅

The perfect answer

Happy Thanksgiving! Thank you for waiting for this new release of avatar items! We have new pets, new computers, new eye wear, some fun shirts and a special treat for our #1 ranter @linuxxx. The required ++ pts for these are a little higher than normal to reward the dedicated people who have helped support and build this community over the last few years. Thank you all!

Just started learning Docker. The thing that seemed complex a week ago has started to unwrap the wonders it holds. Hope to make it work to ease up some of the team's deployment headache. Though there were hurdles related to firewall, company intranet, network antivirus, domain sharing etc. But managed to resolve it today.

Us right now.

I heard that "options are options" so - maybe we should have even more options. What do you think?

Slow down there son...

Happened with anyone?

Well well well

https://fossbytes.com/google-tricke...

Now this makes me very fucking angry.

For one because they did it at all but especially for targeting people who would have a harder time to say no and, of course, for deliberately not telling what the data was being collected for plus not informing them for what company it was.

And for the people who will go "mah privacy reeeeeee", everyone deserves to be able to make a well informed decision and the people, in this case, didn't have that chance at all.

Google, go fuck yourself.

HOW TO EXIT VIM

https://github.com/hakluke/...

lol shit happens

Data breach/leak again

This seems perfectly reasonable

When bug is feature...

Young UX startups be like

when someone tries to wrap their MIDI in 3 layers of crypto to distribute it without allowing access but they used ZipCrypto on a file format with a 14 byte header where only 4 bytes change

"That's fair" 😂😂
Try visiting - https://nerdstagram.com

Follow me on Twitter for more such stuff - https://twitter.com/manbirmarwah

Toilets and race conditions!

A co-worker asked me what issues multi-threading and shared memory can have. So I explained him that stuff with the lock. He wasn't quite sure whether he got it.

Me: imagine you go to the toilet. You check whether there's enough toilet paper in the stall, and it is. BUT now someone else comes in, does business and uses up all paper. CPUs can do shit very fast, can't they? Yeah and now you're sitting on the bowl, and BAMM out of paper. This wouldn't have happened if you had locked the stall, right?

Him: yeah. And with a single thread?

Me: well if you're alone at home in your appartment, there's no reason to lock the door because there's nobody to interfere.

Him: ah, I see. And if I have two threads, but no shared memory, then it is as if my wife and me are at home with each a toilet of our own, then we don't need to lock either.

Me: exactly!

I’m reading through the Apollo 11 source code like a 13 year old that just found out what porn hub is.

Encryption

So today I've had the idea of implementing Node.JS in Python because I love Node.JS but sometimes I hate the whole ".JS" part of it. It will be a fantastic learning exercise with TCP sockets and such, and will be good for learning the more intricate parts of Python as well.

Excited for Nodepy!

My team is like the Avengers except instead of different superpowers we all have different personality disorders.

Me: Hey boss, if you ever need someone to get into doing DevOps related tasks for the team, I'd be more than happy to take that on.

Boss: We don't really need any dedicated person to work on that, but if we do in the future, I'll let you know.

Fast forward a few days: I am now unable to deploy bug fixes to our testing environment, now in the cloud, because all access has been blocked for everyone except the two numbskulls who thought it'd be a great idea to move EVERYTHING over (apps, configuration manager, proxies, etc) first.

Oh, and this bug is affecting production.

*packing for a school-hosted graduation celebration with friends*
let's see, first rule of packing for a trip, count on every slim chance happening...

List of things now in backpack:
3 changes of clothes (1-night trip for an all night party in <100-MILE-AWAY MAJOR CITY>)
Laptop
3DS
3x 4-port USB Hubs
10-port power strip (not fully in bag, but mostly so.)
Extra pair of shoes
3.5" external floppy drive
First aid kit
SAK
precision driver set
soldering set
multitool
pliers (1x farmer's, 1x bent needlenose)
multimeter
empty laptop HDD (250GB)
magnet in Altoids tin (can't have it trashing the HDD!)
VGA to RGB (Composite ends) adapter
Composite/S-VIDEO USB capture card
Portable USB chargers (1x 30k mAh 2-port, 1x superslim 3k mAh 1-port)
Enough phone chargers to replace all chargers within 30 miles
Smelling salts
2x 16GB thumbdrives
Boot disc set
$200
School IDs (for bag's ID slot)
3 pairs of decent earbuds (no el cheapo $1 ones because they break trying to get them out of the package)
Serial to USB adapter
Rehydration salts
Magnesium fire striker
Plenty of pens and pencils
Emergency radio locator beacon
Emergency cellular locator beacon
SD/eMMC/CF/TF/MCP(D) USB reader
external HDD reader (2.5" IDE/3.5" IDE/SATA, external power)

am i missing anything?