I work with Java!
I'm a Batista at Starbucks!

Female friend in office
"It feels so nice that we have a computer science grad with us. How else would have we managed to set up the printer without you?"

Not kidding. This actually happened with me.

no profession has the kind of online communities like developers and programmers,

why?

we haven't built it for them ^_^

This is fact.

I will bring my minecraft ocelot plush to the office for this purpose.

I got called into a "personal development" meeting with the department lead, apparently my vocal and innovative cursing during coding/debugging is disruptive to the entire floor.

Boss and project manager calls me into a launch meeting for a new project. A stock management system for a small furniture company that will work over 11 stores, 4 warehouses and multiple suppliers which will also work as an ordering system. We went over the spec(112 pages) and I told him that it will be an on going project over a year with an initial dev time of 4-6 months. He just said that he's sold it to them to be delivered for testing in 2 weeks and completed in 4 weeks(they signed the contract) and that I'd best get started. I just closed my laptop and walked out.

Thank you @dfox for the stickers! Awesome that you even send them abroad!!

This is funny.

Source: https://twitter.com/mipearson/...

The best captcha

$whiteWalkers = 0;
$text = 'HOLD THE DOOR';
$textLength = strlen($text);
$maxChars = 13;

while {
echo substr_replace($text, '' $maxChars/2, $textLength-$maxChars);
} do ($whiteWalkers < 8);

echo 'Hodor...':

Poor Hodor 😢

Shouldn't it be ++ instead of +1? :D

When you are a mobile developer and your company cant afford more Android devices, so you use your own Android device for testing and then they don't give you wifi access

FUCK :|

When your Team Leader tells you that he will put his dick in the client's mouth if the client requests for more new features..

So professional :|

"yes! this is exactly what I was asking for!!!" -said no client ever

great job. -said no client ever

"How about the specs on the new macbook pro they just announced!" - said no one since 2013

Dig it.

manager: we need to design an admin system for a veterinary centre

dev: ok, this is it, remember your training

class Dog extends Animal {}