Took only 10-20 mins to resolve merge conflict

Another dev on my team just got a new machine. Before he came in today I made two separate USB installers and left him these notes.

Last hour of my job today:

Hardstyle blasting out of the speakers at full volume

Everyone drinking a beer

Boss coming in with "Fuck this shit we're gonna game!"

This is what I call a good end of the work week 😍

My boss hate TOR, and so does many of my colleagues

Today, I am testing their faith in me

!rant
!dev

Its 3am. I'm sick, and I can't sleep.
Whyyy? 😟

SO: " What is the best comment in source code you have ever encountered?"
Best One :

LMAO 😂😂😂

In a meeting after I explained that the user passwords will be encrypted before we save them in the database

Them: "Please don't do that, we don't want to change our clients data"

Me: " so we should save the clear text?"

Them: "Yes"

😒

Got a message yesterday from a company about some dev job that I applied for a while ago...

Don't remember anything about the requirements, but I know that they were exclusively looking for people highly proficient in spoken and written English.

From our brief chat, I can only hope that the position is for a FUCKING ENGLISH TEACHER!

A customer once wanted a button to sort a table column by name (alphabetically).
We told him, he just needed to click the column once.

The response:
C:"I still want that button!"

Just why...?

When I still studied, quite some people found me paranoid.

One of my friends started whispering 'NSA is watching' whenever he walked by me and after a while, whenever any of my friends were near me AND near a camera or whatsoever, they all whispered that same phrase.

Then I thought fuck it and just joined with whispering that. So throughout the whole day everyone would whisper that around me and I just participated 😆

How I feel when I have to do the marketing side of a website.

Me and my love-hate Linux.

I lost virginity really early. In the age of 5 it was my first time with windows 95. I spend almost 10 years with Windows before something happened that would change everything. I met Linux. Her forename was Arch. I had a crush on her right from the beginning. It didn't take long for me to abandon windows. Arch had everything I wanted. She had latex which was pretty hot and looked simply and elegant on her. Sometimes she was really hard to deal with and almost drove me crazy, but I knew I fell in love.

Until that day. I had to write a short paper which was quite fun and Linux helped me alot. It was a breeze to work with her. The evening before the deadline she was quite thoughtful. She sometimes was, so I thought it'll be alright, but this time was different. She struggled a bit, so I put her to sleep and she never woke up. I brought her to the emergency lab which was open 24/7. Since no one was there I had todo the surgery myself. After 5 hours I was almost to tired to continue when she finally woke up. I asked her about the things she should remember for me - then I killed her. I started to hate Linux for what she had done to me. The unbelievable stress and horror.

I returned to Windows. Besides that she got a bit more curious what I was doing when and where nothing really changed and she was glad to have me back. I just was happy how simple our relationship was.

One day then, I couldn't believe it at first, I met Archs sister. Manjaro. No matter how strange that is, but it was as if I would meet Linux again for the first time. She was just a bit simpler but as flexible as arch. Since then we are happy together. It seems that we both just grew up a little.

And with Windows? She got even more curious! Actually I have the feeling she is stalking me now, but I don't regret anything!

!rant
I broke my favorite coffee mug that I've been using for 6 years.

It's going to be an awful day.

Me : hey, why have you taped out your webcam ?
Him : shhhh, they are watching.
Me : what ?
Him : what ?

I've not had a ++ from @BlueNutterfly for a few days, should we be worried ☹😞😉

Apple has Air
Amazon has Fire
Google has Earth
Microsoft should really create something called Water

Footage of me hacking the FBI using a school computer and advanced hacking mechanics

X: Can you link my Facebook account with the website?

Me: Yes. Can.

X: Good. I want to update website using Facebook since I know how to use Facebook well.

Me: 💀

Ever wanted cheat codes to devRant? Well, that's weird. But here you go, I guess.

Since the avatars do not use any external assets (Such as images), all avatars are generated. To be friendly to people who want to make third-party devRant clients (such as devRantron), avatars are generated server-side, so that the assets don't need to be distributed, and third-party programmers don't need to work out rendering avatars.

But this allows you to cheat a little.

The devRant avatars API works like this: you request a really long URL from the API, specifying the IDs of each cosmetic item the user has active, and it returns a PNG file. But you don't need an auth token to generate an avatar (which makes sense), so the avatar API is essentially a sandbox you can play around with if you have the time and patience.

You can write a really good avatar previewer with this knowledge, and see your avatar with a white tiger, even if you don't have the ++s

Me: "Ugh. Soo insensitive.." *angry muttering*

Curious cousin: "Whom? What? Why?"

Me: "My stupid Mac is not case sensitive so I have to mount a Unix partition and reference it from somewhere else. Why wouldn't they just make a case sensitive filesystem like a proper Unix based OS?"

Clearly uninterested cousin: "seriously?! You called your laptop insensitive? I thought you were talking about a guy" ..

Filthy casuals.

What's your devTune?

What music do you listen to that makes what you make?

I'm Drum n' Bass

plot twist
linuxxx is some of the most advanced and efficient AI ever developed, and actually uses devrant to scope out security-aware devs and take them down 1 production server at a time

Me: *just playing around with Git on my terminal*

Friend: "Man, you're such a geek, typing your git command on the terminal.. I myself can't use git without the GUI at all"

Me: *stares at him in silence*

Me: "Wait... THERE 'S A GUI FOR THAT?"

*true story when I was in college*

Proud of my dad today.

He used to be the type of person who installs any application/software without reading what's being displayed on the screen. And my browsers used to be filled with all those toolbars and random search engines.

But yesterday when he was installing an app on his phone, he came to me asking "why does this app need access to contacts. It shouldn't require them in the first place".

I've succeeded in my mission.

Dad: 1
Shady Dev: 0

Should I actually look into getting a dev job..?

*I have a high school diploma (graduated three years early)
*College dropout (3-4 months, Computer Science - Personal Reasons)
*No prior work experience.
*Good textural communication skills, poor verbal communication skills.
*Currentally unemployed. (NEET :P)

*I have extensive personal experience with Java, and Python. Some Lua. Knowledge of data generation, parsing, Linux, Windows, Terminal(cmd & bash), & Encryption(Ciphers).
*Math, but very little algebra/geometry (though, could easily improve these).
*Work best under preasure.

Remote only.

Think anyone would hire me..?

Very true..

Oh, its Friday Night!

Beer night?

Coffee night?

Code night?

No, it's sleepy night :D

I just realised that it's faster for me to create a CV in HTML then in Word

When they replace you with an intern