*Me Calling the NSA..

[NSA]: Hello, how can I help you !
[ME]: Hello, this is the NSA right?
[NSA]: Yes
[ME]: Since you are recording all phone calls, I have a little request.
[NSA]: And What is that?
[ME]: My mom called me couple hours ago to bring something from the supermarket, her phone is off.. What did she told me to bring?
[NSA]: beep..beep..beep

I imagine two dev colleagues sitting next to each other, on their phone, each feeling very secure in the anonymity of devrant.

As a programmer, I'm outraged.

Me: *puts small piece of tape over webcam*

NSA: Okay guys, shut it all down. No way we can record from the microphone, log keys, access the file system, USB devices, network data or watch the screen. He did the tape.

We are in 2017! :)

If binary trees wore pants, which way would they be worn?

You guys been saying something about Gradle build times being not accurate?

Thanks for the suggestion Google.

I've written a lot of bad code, seen a lot, but attached is the most recent 'worst' I've seen.
What makes the situation worse/funny is:
1. The developer's code comment.
2. Check-in passed a code review.
3. The 'legacy code' was written last week.

When fixing things:
Linux = be root
Windows = reboot

When you keep getting +1s on a rant you posted a month ago.

—_😂_—

As a Dev,
I hate writing Docs.

As a Dev,
I hate it when there's no Docs.

Vicious Cycle.

This answer is too accurate...

God is one of us

The bugs have learned to hide

Sad but true :(

_Taken from a telegram channel_

Oh yes the timing is impeccable

alias wow="git status"
alias such="git"
alias very="git"

Result:

$ wow
$ such commit
$ very push

When there are only 2 pages on Google you know you're in serious shit.

Our university syllabus is so outdated, we are forced to do C programs in TurboC.
So we install Dosbox on Windows 8 machines...
1 upvote = 1 prayer

A system administrator has two problems:
1. stupid users
2. smart users

This describes it pretty well.

Ok. I will learn JASON

At first I was like: "wtf just happened? Why is that hand connected like it was a robot?".
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Then I realised it's ​a watch.

Boss walks by my desk. Stops by the printer when coming back and brings me this.

Feel the same when i think about new password

This is what our university recommends as reading material for databases. I'm still in denial that this exists.

Straight from the docs: just uglify being honest

How will you call your kid?