When you have a 400 line PHP file and you want to add two new translations, please don't copy past it twice and put it into a huge if-else

Q: Why do anarchists always use functional programming?

A: Because it has no state.

*bum tiss*

Working overtime

I just solved a 3 or 4 month old bug. Dont even know how long I've been struggling. But im tired. I had to hire people off upwork. Over 20 developers failed to solve this problem. 4 months later this one guy solved it within a day.... Fck u flutter

Years ago I used to work a guvmant site. They had really strict security rules for internet and how you spent your time. Makes sense considering what that site did. I was a support engineer for some of their process control equipment.

I was approached by an operator supervisor to install dvd player software on a business machine (non process related). Basically just a general purpose PC with no function other than time cards and general office use. I was fine with the request, but the reason was for watching movies during a holiday period by the operators. Not for anything official. So I made some noise about my dislike of this request feigning moral superiority. But the supervisor swore up and down it was for "training" dvds.

So I wrote a simple windows script. The script basically popped up a window that said:
"Security has detected unauthorized media inserted into this machine. Please state the reason for this infraction." It provided a dialog to enter a justification. After you entered the justification it said: "Security has been contacted and your user logged. You will be contacted shortly."

This script was then attached to the supervisors Start folder so it ran when he, and only he logged in. We made sure the "training" video (some movie) was already inserted at this point.

He logged in. He just about shit his pants when reading this. He promptly logged and left the building to walk somewhere else in the site. We called him and let him know it was a gag. His response: That son of a bitch Demolishun!

Spent a couple of weeks on writing a cronjob which updates a certain value in the application config, and spend the last few months on testing it in different environments to make sure it does not fail in production. Ran the deployment script, and the damn cronjob fails because of ssl certificate on production. fuck me

i made a mock code that wouldn't close to prank my colleagues. this boy tried the x button and it didn't work, so he went for ctrl alt del and the pop up showed up to confirm and when pressing yes it still wouldn't close

People who message “I’m getting a error” without any context or even better the actual error message, no one else can see your screen and we can’t magic a fix, and we’re not f***ing psychic, tell us what the f***ing error is. Or better yet, figure it f***ing out like the rest of us, you also have google - go nuts

Meta do be copying vscode

Ohm.. How can I have objective judgement by being able to watch only subjectively censored content? Is there a no censored version of youtube and google?

I’m happiest about code I deleted.

Deleted code is easy to maintain, easy to read and it makes applications run faster.
Moreover applications take less disk space and are faster to download.

The more happy than about deleted code I’m about deleted software or destroyed computers.

[CMS of Doom™]
Ah yes, when you find a beautifully written array access at line 3187... 🙌🌈😊

Tech might be the only place where the interview is harder than the actual job.crd:pit

Me: What algorithm prioritizes food no matter how you use it?

Coworker: Idk, never heard of that one.

Me: Bread-First-Search

Back in the day I tried to get the domain conspiracy.com. But a group of powerful elites from around the world banded together to thwart me from getting that domain.

There's nothing like cleaning out a cupboard of stuff you have long since moved on from only to find this hidden in the corner.

I once had a Mac, it's still a piece of shit and I'm not convinced Apple ever made life easier to use one of these 😅

Grandad showing me a commodore 64 that he had gotten for my uncles. shit was legit, had a bunch of games and cool shit in it. He also showed me BASIC (not programming or anything, but that it was a thing in it and the booklet explaining how to do games and stuff)

Mind you, the commodore was way beyond my years, I am a 91 baby, but he had it and kept it working and in good shape, the booklet was pristine (none of my uncles wanted to fk with that, neither did my dad).

He only showed me the machine because my mother had more vision that a lot of my family members at the time, asking him to let me use the computers that he had because she was sure (just as he) that computers were the future and a good educational tool for me.

Mom played a big ass role in me getting my comp sci degree, she was the one that celebrated it the most with my wife (wife pushed me through that degree to be honest) and my gdad is dead now, but he would have thought it would be cool to have another engineer in the family (he was an industrial engineer)

New job
New project
Main React component file
20028 loc
Can’t make this shit up

Once C++ walks into a bar and sees C.

C is drunk, falling on the floor, spitting, and swearing.

How classless! -says C++