My clients be like

Only pure evil can design a PC case that has reset button same size and shape like USB port and place it next to USB ports.

Oh sh*t

Give that man some HUGE FUCKING COOKIES!

" If you can put an axe through it, it's hardware; if you want to put an axe through it, it's software. " -- Unknown

One of my friends purchased a bootable USB of ubuntu for around 40 USD.

Doctor : what's your blood group?
Developer : coffee

today at programming class...

professor: today we will be teaching you about vim and using the terminal and ssh. those who are smart enough to know these may leave the class, but be sure to sign the attendance sheet.

me: *starts packing and stands up and walks up to the front to sign*
me: *turns around*

EVERYBODY WAS LOOKING AT ME. i was the one only who stood up and the professor was also looking at me like "wtf this doesnt happen everyday". and so i walked out of there and im so proud of myself lmfao

Website: "your ad blocker's on, consider adding us to your white list..."
Me: *inspect element*
Me: *Delete modal*
*Insert montage of me hacking into the mainframe for dramatic purposes*

I'm in. 😎

My friend is a css guy and he told me this

.illuminati {
position: absolute;
visibility: hidden;
}

!rant
Girlfriend doing her first IT internship:
"I think I got the roto virus"
Me: "Disconnect LAN cable and turn off PC, so that you do not infect the entire company's network".
GF: "Why would I do that, it's my body that feels bad".

Just saw how Git confirms UTF8-Support... with an UTF8-Character. 👍

Dev1: I started work at a new company.

Dev2: Cool, how is it?

Dev1: Well its ok... but they are a bit weird.

Dev2: How weird.

Dev1: Very weird, they round my pay to 1000 insted of 1024.

Dev2: Yeah weird.

Person: Check out this “savage” file!

Me: Huh?

Person: *Shows SVG file*

🙄

Had to debug an issue,

*ssh user@domain*
"some wild network connection issue"
*hmm weird.. *
*checks everything again*
*hmm seems alright.. *
*tries again*
*same damn error*
*ssh -v user@domain*
*syntax error thingy on the -v part*
😮
*messages co-worker asking what the fuck could be giving on*
"ey mate check your aliases 😂"
*alias"
"alias ssh="echo {insert network connection issue"*

*loud laughing from the co-worker I messaged*

MOTHERFUCKER 😆

Today I broke a record 🎉

..in the production database 😅

Difference between C# and Javascript
Me: Hold my cup of tea.
C#: That's not a cup of tea.
Me: Hold my cup of tea, with two teaspoons of sugar in it.
C#: That's not a cup of tea with two tea spoons of sugar in it.
Me: Hold my cup of tea, with two teaspoons of sugar and milk in it.
C#: That is not a cup of tea, with two teaspoons of sugar and milk it.
...
Me: Hold my cup of tea.
Javascript: I'll hold your cup of coffee.

It blows.

But not much.

Guys guys guys!! I ran the windows network diagnostic tool... And it actually fixed the problem!

Just ordered my rubber duck. It'll be here in 2 to 3 business days...

Boss emailed me that I need to work again on Saturday and Sunday.
I replied with a resignation letter.

Thanks for the suggestion Google.

—_😂_—

The bugs have learned to hide

Well well well

Some companies be like-

.. In job posting - We are the next big thing. We are going to change the industry. We are like Google / Facebook etc...

..in Introduction - We are the next big thing. We are going to change the industry. We are like Google / Facebook etc...

.. in Interviews - We are the next big thing. We are already changing the industry. Think of us like Google / Facebook etc...

.. during Interviews - Our interview process is rigorous because we are the next big thing. We are going to change the industry. We are like Google / Facebook etc...

.. questions in interviews - Since we are Google / Facebook, please answer questions on Java, C/C++, JS, react, angular, data structure, html, css, C#, algorithms, rdbms, nosql, python, golang, pascal, shell, perl...
.. english, french, japanese, arabic, farsi, Sinhalese..
.. analytics, BigData, Hadoop, Spark,
.. HTTP(s), tcp, smpp, networking,.

..

..

..

.. starwars, dark-knight, scarface, someShitMovie..

You must be willing to work anytime. You must have 'no-excuses' attitude

.........................................

Now in Salary - Oh... well... yeah... see.... that actually depends on your previous package. Stocks will be given after 24 re-births. Joining bonus will be given once you lease your kidneys.

But hey, look... We got free food.

Well, SHOVE THAT FOOD UPTO YOUR ASS.

FUCK YOU...
FUCK YOUR 'COOL aka STUPID PIZZA BEER - CULTURE'.
FUCK YOUR 'FLAT- HIERARCHY'.
FUCK YOUR REVOLUTIONARY-PRODUCT.

FUCK YOU!

Summer! Time to turn off the laptop and do something different than programming... wait...

The floor is java

Probably the only love I'm gonna get in my life 😅

My code signature