The Top 20 replies by programmers when their programs do not work:

20. "That's weird..."
19. "It's never done that before."
18. "It worked yesterday."
17. "How is that possible?"
16. "It must be a hardware problem."
15. "What did you type in wrong to get it to crash?"
14. "There is something funky in your data."
13. "I haven't touched that module in weeks!"
12. "You must have the wrong version."
11. "It's just some unlucky coincidence."
10. "I can't test everything!"
9. "THIS can't be the source of THAT."
8. "It works, but it hasn't been tested."
7. "Somebody must have changed my code."
6. "Did you check for a virus on your system?"
5. "Even though it doesn't work, how does it feel?
4. "You can't use that version on your system."
3. "Why do you want to do it that way?"
2. "Where were you when the program blew up?"

And the Number One reply by programmers when their programs don't work:

1. "It works on my machine."

Internetgold

This is what happens, when you use 16 years old OS in production :-) (Prague subway)

Just learned new skills...

I wish money wasn't so god damn important !

I just want to build cool things 😥

I must be desperate I'm on page 5 of google results

Only God and I knew what I was doing, writing uncommented code in C a year ago.

Now, only God knows.

This Fibonacci joke is as bad as the last two you heard combined.

When i accidentally push *.class files and the whole build directory

When you're too impatient to run a boot scan..

Recursion is great...

The SDK Manager knows what Android N stands for

Worst part of being a dev: Oracle

Can you get enough Pointers?

at my ofc

!Rant
I always thought that vertical monitor is stupid.. Well I take it back..

Criteria for selecting beta testers at my company:

This is way too true!

The relentless feeling that slowly has over taken my waking life. The feeling that if I am not coding, learning or becoming better at coding I am wasting my time. I can't even watch movies anymore without reading articles. This is the worst thing about being a Dev, how when you are a dev you are nothing else.

At least for me, not sure how common this feeling is.

When you have 113 build errors to fix, but you find a bubble wrap to pop.

Saw somebody post an XP install DVD, remembered I had this kicking around...

Worst part about being a visual designer?
Looking at anything that's a pixel too much to left/right/top/bottom and not being able to UN-see it

" oh you're in hurry? let me slow down and hang up "
- My computer

Open office layout with other departments who don't understand the word "quiet"

You want a horror story? Here's one:

IE6

Supporting ie8

"Everyone's making multimillon dollar apps, why aren't you?"

What my experience was like learning SQL and server side stuff at my University

Your revolutionary idea's not gonna work...

Hearing from friends and some family... "You don't really work. You just sit in front of a computer all day."