Starting to work with a new senior designer in the remote office (red). Spent 4 days explaining to him that we need .png's in multiple sizes for the app, trying to teach him to use Zeplin to let us export them. Everything failed, his manager told him to just send us the .png's via slack ..... has he seen a computer before?

I love it when recruiters write personal messages and use my real name ❤️

Planning to watch a movie with girlfriend this weekend. Can anyone suggest a good girlfriend?

Found this gem on spiceworks.
Link:-
https://community.spiceworks.com/to...
Below transcript was sent to poster by someone

My workplace and a twenty three year-old phone app developer:
Them (on phone): Can you send me a clicker carpet with the laptop?
Me: ...
Me: a what now?
Them: Clicker. Carpet.
Me: A ... clicker carpet.
Them: Yes
Me: What the. what is a clicker carpet?
Them: You know the clicker. The thing that moves the arrow on the
screen
Me: ...
Me: A mouse?
Them: No, the clicker. (Sends me an image of a mouse) This.
Me: That's called a mouse.
Them: I need a carpet for one of those.
Me:. A mouse pad
Them: The clicker carpet.
Me: It's a fffff. it's called a mouse pad. The clicker is a mouse. The
thing under it is a pad. MOUSE. PAD
Them: You old people and your made-up technical names.
Me: No, it's always been mouse and mouse pad.

Them: I have text messages with friends that says otherwise.
Me: The Desktop team is sending you a MOUSE PAD with the laptop.
Them: My friends and I are on the cusp of eliminating the PC with the
cellphone, by the ways. So I may only use the laptop for like year or so.
Me (under my breath): You and your friends are idiots.
Them: What?
Me: What? Are we done?
Them: Yes what?
Me: *hangs up*
Everyone was looking at me by the end of the call. I got louder the longer
I talked to this guy. When I told them about phones replace PCs, our main
dev was like, "Do they expect hours programming shit on the cellphone?
This kid is stupid."
Thanks for validating my feelings.

This is so accurate...

(From random twitter post)

Me: Hi Guys, theres no docs on our custom push notification / deeplinking implementation. I've tried to work backwards from a QA testing doc to add new links. Can someone tell me if this is all ok? It seems to behave a little weird.

Dev: Looks ok, but we've moved to the braze platform for sending notifications. You'll need to trigger braze notifications now. Test that it works ok with that <confluence-link>

*hour later*

Me: I've tried the debugging tool, both with my payload and one of the samples from the link. It displays on the phone, but tapping it doesn't trigger the deeplinking.

Dev: No it works, try one of these <screenshot of samples I used>

*hour later*

Me: Tried it again on the real device to make sure, as well as on develop and master. Not working with those samples or mine.

Dev: No it does. It comes in here in this library <github link to line of code>

Me: ... Nope, debugged it, it doesn't get passed the next 'if' check on the next line as its missing a key/value. The whole function does nothing.

Dev: Oh do you want to send a braze notification?

Me: ..... you told me I had too .... yes I guess.

Dev: ok for a braze notification it works different, send this <entirely different sample no where on the link>

Me: ...... but ..... this is only for braze notifications ..... why .... all the samples have deeplink url's .... but they don't ....... are you ..... FFS!!!!! !@#?!

(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

┌П┐(ಠ_ಠ)

Nice another fucking hurricane

Cheers to this yearly tradition

When our sales guy came by for the 200000000000th time on a day to boast about how good he advised someone on a sales related matter.

Mate, we're Linux engineers and currently trying to fix shit up so why don't you get yourself a cup of shut the fuck up.

Interviewer: Can you explain OOP to a six year old?

Applicant: About the 6yo, are you referring to a client or you?

🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

Been away from devrant for almost 8 months, and all these months the app was sitting idle on my phone.

Now, since I am part of industry and have a terrible boss, I am back to throw some anger

Everytime.....

Our scrum master is called ScrumBag in our department xD

Handshakes are important!

Everyone’s a “fullstack” until they have to make a button go all the way to the right

they're having me log my time in 30 minute increments, with each 30 minute block assigned to a jira ticket, as well as keeping track of my slack status throughout the day

I was told during my midyear that I need to start working on my "AWS certification." Hmmmm. OK. Since there isn't one for a DBA, I guess I'm going to become an SA.

Started new job with presentation at 10:00. Went for lunch at 11:00. Was given access to source code at 12:00. Decided to quit at 13:00.

No regrets. Code was so bad that I wanted to cry.

Isn't it soo simple :/

So I just spent a 7 fucking hours recreating a feature just to find out that I already did it once. Don't forget to checkout the correct branch fellas.

Rebase HEAD~beforethesnap

I fucking hate HTML forms! Especially representing bloody nested objects within them!

Fighting with html forms has taken at least 80% of my time over the past three features. Why can't I just do this via API? It would be soo much freaking simpler! ugh.

But today.
Today is not going to be a good day.
I not only get to expand a complicated vanilla form with with one nested object today, I get to expand it to include three nested objects. Normally this wouldn't be a problem because it's just moving elements around, but two of those nested objects need to be broken up and combined into three+ segments each. I have no idea how to even approach this.

ugh.

for any freelance work I do my prices double for you if you offer to pay me through acknowledgement from your Instagram page

Fuck this week in particular

The only expressions devs have

“Please develop my complicated eCommerce website. The cost should be somewhere between $0 and $100 because I can do it with a template in Wix or SquareSpace or hire a bot non-person from Fiverr to do it for me if you don’t honor the price I’m asking.”

—United States

Email: yourname@gmail.com
Facebook: yourname
Twitter: @yourname
LinkedIn: Dr. Your Name
GitHub: BloodNinjaHunterxx200

I seear man fucking shit php devs make it hard for people to appreciate the language.
To start, i don't think there is anything wrong with php. As a language I know damn near all of its pitfalls and have successfully deployed huge applications with minimal fuss.

The thing is...this shit seems to happen only when I AM THE MOTHERFUCKER THAT DOES IT

In any other scenario i am constantly cursing the original author under my fucking breath hoping that they choke on their own dicks. Fucking cunts.

Really man, some of the fucking code i have seen. This shit is dangerous as fuck and i can't believe that in 2019 motherfuckers would not have the decency to google for best fucking practices or learn it from a fucking book and shit.

Writing proper php code is not that fucking hard people, every fucking update to the language, every fucking tool that comes out is for the betterment of it.
Guess proper oop or functional paradigms are too complex for some dickheads. Hell, not even top to bottom procedural code.

Fuck me. Good thing is, boss is happy, the entire faculty is happy, the board is happy. Everyone is motherfucking happy.

Dez negroids better remember this shit cuz I just asked for a $20k raise.

I got a raise literally every time i ask for one so this one better make the cut.

Fuck shit php developers man. Y'all don't deserve the language, y'all make the language look bad, y'all make the community look bad.

Fuck you, die and eat a dick. Do all that shit in whatever order you prefer.