Best joke I have read this week...

Boss: “Our YouTube channel doesn’t look at all like our website.”

Me: “I’ve made it look as close to our branding as YouTube allows for with its limited editing controls.”

Boss: “This is unacceptable. I expected more from you.”

Me: “I cannot accept the blame for this. YouTube is setting the design parameters for all channels and I can only do so much.”

Boss: “You can call the YouTube, can’t you? Why didn’t you call them?”

Me: “.......and ask them....what?”

Boss: “You don’t ask! You tell! Our company has been around for 140 years. Our brand name carries that weight. They’ll change their design to what we need if you’re assertive enough.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s just not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.”

Client: This works correctly, but I don’t like the code.

Me: What exactly do you not like?

Client: There are barely any lines of code. You need to add more to make it better.

I...I don’t know what to say.

One of my friends purchased a bootable USB of ubuntu for around 40 USD.

Developers be like:

After working with web development for years, I decided to get a degree in CS.

The lecturer taught so many things wrongly, and I kept arresting him. Eventually he asked me politely to leave class.

In my java lab
My Java teacher asked me to build the java projects that are in syllabus and then explain them to the other students...
Because he doesn't know java...

I told my Girlfriend to talk dirty to me on whatsapp. Now we are discussing about HTML & CSS.

I have mixed feeling about this test result

When you tryin be Tux but club penguins crampin your style

When I first found DevRant I was like😃😃

I love to see the confusion in people's face when they ask to use my computer, open the browser, type "g", hit enter, and land on GitHub instead of Google. 😄

When you realize only one "person" in your life remembered

That moment when it's midnight and you have to wake up in 6 hours but suddenly you think about a way of fixing a bug that a library that you really need and is no longer being maintained has... sigh.

!rant

Finally got myself a czech copy of "The Book". Happiest day in 2017 so far 😁

How do you make yourselves happy, fellow ranters?

What does a software developer say when he/she manages to get something working?

"Array!" :D

When u spend too much time writing Java and suddenly go back to C# yet continue to write Java code 😪

Sister: "You can't commit to......"
Me: *has flashbacks of Git Commit issues doesn't even hear the rest*

I hope you guys qt CIA had a nice time laughing at my coding skills😂😂

When the API is not documented.

designer: the distance from the baseline of the letter "p" to the bottom of the box should be 150px exactly. You are 4px off.

me: Erm... baseline?

designer: Yes. Not the "base" or the "beardline". It must be the "baseline" of the font.

me: uh huh....

designer: And it must be the same in all browser, chrome, firefox, internet explorer

me: Orite, lets save the whole Psd and <img src="whole-website.jpg"> Tada!

Got a new colleaque. System Engineer with coding skills.

First step is to become adjusted to hearing high heels in our nerd room.

:)

Met a cute girl at the ATM today.
Long story short, she gave me her Instagram account and I ended up giving her my GitHub account.

Seriously, 15 minutes!!!

Making Variables

Question!
Who of you got a bachelor title in cs and where did you studied?

Question...

Bout a month back went for an interview, went well, assessment and all that, but the company was busy moving so feedback was slow.

Last week got contacted by a client of a former company who is now also looking for a dev.

Company 1 just came back wanting to discuss offer, and company 2 will probably get back to me tomorrow.

Question is, there like any reason to disclose the info to them. The second guy I know, he was client for about a year.

When you edit some HTML with the developer console and then your grandmother says: "But you have to undo it after this, because the owner will be not amused when they see that you have edited their website."

Jup this is how the internet works: everyone can edit their website :D

So how many of you wake up dreading going to work?

You don't have to fix your pull request if you directly merge it into master.