I was told that my granny was having trouble signing into Facebook, so I go to help her and this is what happens.

Me: try and open Facebook.
Granny: *looks confused*
Granny: oh I know!
Granny: *opens up Gmail*
Me: *wtf is she doing?*
Granny: *opens an email from Facebook*
Granny: ok, I'm in Facebook.

Not sure whether to cringe or laugh 😅

When interviewing a dev, ask them what they think about time zones. If their answer is "fuck time zones", hire them immediately.

Friend: Is this Nvidia GTX 440 a good graphics card?
Me: idk
Friend: if i get it how do i put it in my computer
Me: idk
Friend: but you are a programmer
Me: exactly, i am not an engineer

never had problems with windows,
joined devRant and read about problems,
now I have problems with windows.

- Open your terminal, you're a hacker
- Reinstall Windows, your aunt will be happy
- Put on the cool hacker T-shirt, nobody dares to talk to you (enjoy!)
- No matter what you do - self driving car AI or struggle aligning your CSS, you are a 'dev'

A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep. A full one, in case he gets thirsty and an empty one, in case he doesn't.

Gentlemen,
Please take a look at the enclosed hard drive and let me know if you'll be able to transfer files/software from it onto a laptop. If so I'll send you a laptop so you can get it done.

*Opens box*

So this happened last night...

Gf: my favorite bra is not fitting me anymore
Me: get a new one ?
Gf: but it is a C already.
Me: get a c++.

After 5 sec i bursted in laughter, she was confused.

Stop telling everyone it's *your* SQL!

The best part of being a dev?

You can be a nerd, you can dress lousy, you got all those fancy tech you can work with, it's diverse, it's fun. And on top of that, it's not even remotely hard to find a job and get payed well.

Many of you who have a Windows computer may be familiar with robocopy, xcopy, or move.
These functions? Programs? Whatever they may be, were interesting to me because they were the first things that got me really into batch scripting in the first place.

What was really interesting to me was how I could run multiples of these scripts at a time.

<storytime>
It was warm Spring day in the year of 2007, and my Science teacher at the time needed a way to get files from the school computer to the hard-drive faster. The amount of time that the computer was suggesting was 2 hours. Far too long for her. I told her I’d build her something that could work faster than that. And so started the program would take up more of my time than the AI I had created back in 2009.
</storytime>

This program would scan the entirety of the computer's file system, and create an xcopy batch file for each of these directories. After parsing these files, it would then run all the batch files at once. Multithreading as it were? Looking back on it, the throughput probably wasn't any better than the default copying program windows already had, but the amount of time that it took was less. Instead of 2 hours to finish the task it took 45 minutes. My thought for justifying this program was that; instead of giving one man to do paperwork split the paperwork among many men. So, while a large file is being copied, many smaller files could be copied during that time.

After that day I really couldn't keep my hands off this program. As my knowledge of programming increased, so did my likelihood of editing a piece of the code in this program.

The surmountable amount of updates that this program has gone through is amazing. At version 6.25 it now sits as a standalone batch file. It used to consist of 6 files and however many xcopy batch files that it created for the file migration, now it's just 1 file and dirt simple to run, (well front-end, anyways, the back-end is a masterpiece of weirdness, honestly) it automates adding all the necessary directories and files. Oh, and the name is Latin for Imitate, figured it's a reasonable name for a copying program.

I was 14, so my creativity lacked in the naming department >_<

Devrant is the only social platform made to recognise the world's hidden heroes, us.

<?php

wakeUp();
goToWedding();

while (atWedding() && bored()) {
browseDevrant();
}

goToTrainStation();
sleep(2700); // got there 45 mins early

while (trainIsMoving()) {
try {
workOnDevrant();
} catch (ProcrastinationException $e) {
// got distracted by devRant
}
}

goHome();

while (unrespondedStickerRequests()) {
sendResponse();
}

goToSleep();

?>

I knew I was about to get laid off so I stopped caring and started answering questions on stack overflow all day every day instead of working.

10k rep later I got a new job via stack overflow careers that pays twice as much.

Moral of the story? Be efficient... even when you are not.

I took over someone's code right after they left, and this was in there... By the way the containing method was about 300 lines long.

code as if your users are like this

Project management site, exclusively for use by our team and clients.

- The client creates a new project.
- They list the requirements, supplying all the necessary files and content.
- We challenge any stupid stuff by offering alternative solutions.
- We all sign off on the requirements and no more are allowed to be added or modified. If they forgot anything, it's on record who's to blame.
- We estimate time and cost to complete the build.
- If they accept, we finally begin the work
- At each stage of every requirement, we mark the status as pending, in progress, ready for testing and delivered.

Much less stress due to minimising change requests. Plus easier to follow than an email chain and easier for them to use than a jira portal.

You ever feel like you're just not geeky enough to hang with the hardcore devs out there?

That moment when you've spent an entire weekend trying to solve a problem spanning hundreds of lines of code but then you find out there is a library for it

Just bought a new monitor.... Look at those blacks!

At the end of a function for getting the machine's MAC address:

return ofTheMAC;

If you don't get this, you're too young.

Honest graduation hat. :D

I am the first one.