HR: How many years you've been developing on Android ?
Me: Two years, with many projects on my own.
HR: So, you're familiar with Android Studio?
Me: No, I've been using "Paint" to code.

Got this from a recruiter:

We are looking for a **Senior Android Developer/Lead** at Philadelphia PA

Hiring Mode: Contract

Must have skills:

· 10-12 years mobile experience in developing Android applications
· Solid understanding of Android SDK on frameworks such as: UIKit, CoreData, CoreFoundation, Network Programming, etc.
· Good Knowledge on REST Ful API and JSON Parsing
· Good knowledge on multi-threaded environment and grand central dispatch
· Advanced object-oriented programming and knowledge of design patterns
· Ability to write clean, well-documented, object-oriented code
· Ability to work independently
· Experience with Agile Driven Development
· Up to date with the latest mobile technology and development trends
· Passion for software development- embracing every challenge with a drive to solve it
· Engaging communication skills

My response:

I am terribly sorry but I am completely not interested in working for anyone who might think that this is a job description for an Android engineer.

1. Android was released in September 2008 so finding anyone with 10 years experience now would have to be a Google engineer.
2. UIKit, CoreData, CoreFoundation are all iOS frameworks
3. Grand Central Dispatch is an iOS mechanism for multithreading and is not in Android
4. There are JSON parsing frameworks, no one does that by hand anymore

Please delete me from your emailing list.

Hahaha barcode's suicide 😂

I have stickers on my laptop too
😎😎
😂😂😂😂

recruiter:
I see you worked for 5 years at xyz and you used c# but your CV says you used other technologies like sql and you did testing.. So how much of your time was spent writing c#?

me:
Most of the time.. Maybe 60%.

recruiter:
Ok, let me work that out... ok I will put down that you have 3 years c# experience.

QA Engineer walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 999999999 beers. Orders a lizard. Orders -1 beers. Orders a sfdeljknesv.

Not the meaning I expected from Urban D

At the ending part of the interview, I asked a final question to the HR.

Me: "So, what language is mostly used here?"

HR: "Since we're dealing with customers from different countries, English."

Barista at the coffee shop I go to every morning said he liked my "Emo Hello Kitty" sticker today

"I'll fix this later"

Haha, always a gem ❤

Dear Clients,

You are always correct and stupid.

A badass pull request review comment: 'A wise man can learn more from a foolish question than a fool can learn from a wise answer.'

My easter weekend so far:
- Fix stuff
- break stuff
- call broken stuff an easter egg
- watch anime

10 points for next century option.

when your company doesn't let you use source control because it's afraid people would steal the code 😩

"Before software can be reusable it first has to be usable." - Ralph Johnson

void my_first_function();
void mySecondFunction();

That feature though!!

My boss makes a dollar I make a dime, that's why I poop on company time!

- git commit -m "well described comment explaining addition"

oh crap forgot to take out this one thing

- ctrl-S
- git commit -m "ahskdbejjeebdosjeb"

Why is the "leave building"command now working?!?!?! Are you sure it's a Git command?? .... Oh shit.

"Logically it makes sense"
Always my famous last words

Honest app reviews

- Knock, knock

- An async function

- Who's there?

Oh wow. That timing though.

Sometimes... 😂😥

Am I the only one that uses chopsticks to eat snacks at the computer?!?

There are only 1.9999999999999998 types of devs in the world: those who understand floating point arithmetic, and those who use it.

My handwriting is so bad... That it is now being used as a Captcha.!