what is wrong with this world

Client: This new feature is not working on Internet Explorer.
Me: Do you have enough oxygen in the cave you are living in?

At the end it's all about being good at excel

Those people are the real hackers. They exploit basic human instincts.

"Let me review your code, I used to work as a toilet cleaner"

😂😂......if you ever did this raise your hands

Something's not right.

Boss: I saw your last commit, great work!
Dev: But... You told me to delete all the features I added...
Boss: Yes, fantastic improvements!

Sometimes the answer is just ... savage.

— Why do you want to work at our office in Mexico?
— I want to be a señor developer.

When I say I want to work for EA, this is what I mean.

You get paid to watch and analyze athletes. Fucking awesome job.

OH: "We reduced daily standups to tuesday and thursday. Otherwise we have to stand up too much and this nearly counts as sport."

When Calendar became callender...

Write a loop to download porn and fill your drive. Thank me later.

Our team just got the best email from our client hahaha

Another real-world argument for why I always say git is worth learning properly.

Had to track a really weird bug down today. Had no idea where it came from, how long it'd been in the code and hadn't the foggiest what was causing it. Realistically it could have been introduced any time in the last year or two, and that's tens of thousands of commits in this repo.

Git to the rescue. Knocked up a quick script to test the case in question, fed it into "git bisect run", and 30 seconds later git found the exact (small) commit that caused the issue.

It's a brilliant part of git, yet it seems like almost no-one I know uses it. Some use "git bisect", but using "git bisect run" and passing a script to it seems to be alien to most - yet it's probably my most used tool when it comes to tracking down bugs like these.

Burned it 🔥

How programmers comment their code

This is a story about the shitty client who managed to ruin everyone's day, consistently....

So this client, its our biggest revenue source (about 33% of total) and our boss is total wuss when talking to them because of that... Each meeting he has with them he ends up bending over nd just takes it all...

So after each meeting with those shit heads, it's always the same...

It's our fault for going over budget (them changing their mind like 10 times during a project over key issues has of course nothing to do with it, because hey, we're a flexible company and all we do is modular and extendable right?)

Its our fault for not meeting the deadline, because of course our boss keeps accepting last minute projects like there we're otherwise sitting on our thumbs

And than their fucking contact person... Biggest ass ever, always involving us in his own office politics... I'd throw him through the window

My avatar has some catching up to do

I can’t respect an architect that does not code or never has. Keep making pretty pictures...

Implementing the application exactly like the client specified, because they won't listen.

“If everyone is admin, no one is admin and this is communism” - Our DBA

Happened a while ago but I still find it funny.

*phone rings*
Me: good morning sir, how can I help you?
Client: MY WEBSITE IS OFFLINE, FIX IT RIGHT NOW.
M: I'm going to take a look, what's the domain?
C: *gives domain*
M: I see, that domain expired already, it was cancelled through our customer portal by the client, you maybe or someone you know?
C: WHAT?! MY INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS DEPENDS ON THAT DOMAIN, I'D NEVER CANCEL IT, THIS IS BULLSHIT! I'F THE SITE GOES OFFLINE FOR A MONTH I'LL FUCKING GO BANKRUPT, YOU'RE GOING TO FIX THIS RIGHT NOW.
M: if I may ask, how is your business doing right now?
C: HOW IS THAT QUESTION RELEVANT RIGHT NOW?!
M: well, you said that if the site would go offline for a month, you'd go bankrupt. The domain registration ended about half a year ago so that's why I aske......

*beeeeep beeeeep beeeeep*

Well, okay then.

People index their .env files on search engines LMAO

Lol why not.

My coworker comments every line of code I think the code is not readable!

Two factor authentication atrocities 😍😍

Git:GitHub::Porn:Pornhub
Quite accurate??

okay, I promise.