The more you learn languages like Javascript and Python, the more you realise that while every syntax differs, they're all essentially themes of the same if, else or and, type statements... This leads me to believe that with enough practice, it's possible to shortcut or pick up a new language progressively faster. Or am I just a melon?

I've had many, but this is one of my favorite "OK, I'm getting fired for this" moments.

A new team in charge of source control and development standards came up with a 20 page work-instruction document for the new TFS source control structure.
The source control kingpin came from semi-large military contract company where taking a piss was probably outlined somewhere.

Maybe twice, I merged down from a release branch when I should have merged down from a dev branch, which "messed up" the flow of code that one team was working on.
Each time I was 'coached' and reminded on page 13, paragraph 5, sub-section C ... "When merging down from release, you must verify no other teams are working
on branches...blah blah blah..and if they have pending changes, use a shelfset and document the changes using Document A234-B..."

A fellow dev overheard the kingpin and the department manager in the breakroom saying if I messed up TFS one more time, I was gone.

Wasn't two days later I needed to merge up some new files to Main, and 'something' happened in TFS and a couple of files didn't get merged up. No errors, nothing.
Another team was waiting on me, so I simply added the files directly into Main. Unknown to me, the kingpin had a specific alert in TFS to notify him when someone added
files directly into Main, and I get a visit.

KP: "Did you add a couple of files directly into Main?"
Me:"Yes, I don't what happened, but the files never made it from my branch, to dev, to the review shelfset, and then to Main. I never got an error, but since
they were new files and adding a new feature, they never broke a build. Adding the files directly allowed the Web team to finish their project and deploy the
site this morning."
KP: "That is in direct violation of the standard. Didn't you read the documentation?"
Me: "Uh...well...um..yes, but that is an oddly specific case. I didn't think I hurt any.."
KP: "Ha ha...hurt? That's why we have standards. The document clearly states on page 18, paragraph 9, no files may ever be created in Main."
Me: "Really? I don't remember reading that."
<I navigate to the document, page 18, paragraph 9>
Me: "Um...no, it doesn't say that. The document only talks about merging process from a lower branch to Main."
KP: "Exactly. It is forbidden to create files directly in Main."
Me: "No, doesn't say that anywhere."
KP: "That is the spirit of the document. You violated the spirit of what we're trying to accomplish here."
Me: "You gotta be fracking kidding me."

KP grumbles something, goes back to his desk. Maybe a minute later he leaves the IS office, and the department manager leaves his office.

It was after 5:00PM, they never came back, so I headed home worried if I had a job in the morning.

I decided to come in a little early to snoop around, I knew where HR kept their terminated employee documents, and my badge wouldn't let me in the building.

Oh crap.

It was a shift change, so was able to walk in with the warehouse workers in another part of the building (many knew me, so nothing seemed that odd), and to my desk.

I tried to log into my computer...account locked. Oh crap..this was it. I'm done. I fill my computer backpack with as much personal items as I could, and started down the hallway when I meet one of our FS accountants.

L: "Hey, did your card let you in the building this morning? Mine didn't work. I had to walk around to the warehouse entrance and my computer account is locked. None of us can get into the system."

*whew!* is an understatement. Found out later the user account server crashed, which locked out everybody.

Never found out what kingpin and the dev manager left to talk about, but I at least still had a job.

Well, that is a record. 11 minutes into work and I already want to choke slam whoever wrote this shell script. I am looking for someone older than dirt because they used ` ` instead of $(). And now I am going to have to change group GIDs for 3 groups times 500 machines. They all need to match and are ALL different. FML

Asking a programmer to fix your computer is like asking a builder to fix your plumbing

Going live with 2 sites tonight. wk50 is not a good omen. Wish me luck guys ::awkwardsmile::

!rant
Me and friend1: talking about Linux friend2: "what is this Linux"
Me:"it's an OS"
Friend2:"so it's something like excel and powerpoint."

Unfortunately there wasn't a cliff to jump off in that moment.

Teaching some python to my cat

I once built an app because my girlfriend travels a lot and I was worried she might be kidnapped. App becomes a big deal, now I have to add more features. I really just wanted a holiday and peace of mind.

Starting internship today
Let's hope for a good summer!

I used to have this habit of developing with questionable placeholder content.

console.log("boobs").

<div>why the fuck am I still waiting for your fucking content, dave</div>.

<img src="drunk_boss_dancing_at_xmas_party. jpg"/>

One slips through, eventually.

Now it's all boring lorem ipsums and stock photos of smiling managers shaking hands...

-- Okay, I know this code is Jerry-rigged but it'll work for now.

Pretty sure that's racially insensitive to Germans but who knows.

My life would be so much easier if I could just consistently spell lenght, I mean, lentgh, I mean length DAMN IT!

An actual function definition spotted in a plugin to migrate a membership DB from a spreadsheet into Wordpress:

private function insert_member() { ... }

Client asked to change the shade of blue to a little lighter shade. Deleted the hex code and typed the same hex code again and showed it to him. Instantly approved.

Fucked up an sql join once and accidentally deleted myself from the employee​ table in the prod database. So I kinda fired myself... Good thing we had backups. 😂

Previous Job I had finished a website for a client but the launch date was delayed (the logo was being redesigned) and when the client was ready to launch I was on holiday

Before I went I sent the files to my colleague and asked him to do the launch but spelt his email wrong

Never checked my emails on holiday so the client had to wait 2 weeks for his website to launch

When your right hand isn't placed correctly on the keybpard amd upi kist lee[ gpomg pm ;ole mptjomg os wrpmg

When you wear headphones without playing any music, and avoid anyone's line of sight to get work done

sales: we will need a sponsored blog for client XY, can you start working on it?
me: I am really busy I can't do it as soon as next wednesday.
sales: but I promised it will be ready for this tuesday (yes, two days ago)
me: do you have any specification?
sales: what is a specification?

---- Happy Birthday for me ----

I was asked how I view a "User". I showed them this picture. They didn't have any more questions.

Me trying to fix last bug while site is going live

We've all been there...

If the cloud is down, and your contacts r in the cloud, what do you do?

Two sql databases enter a nosql bar. After 10 min they exit because they couldn't find a table

Error handling done properly.

Boss and project manager calls me into a launch meeting for a new project. A stock management system for a small furniture company that will work over 11 stores, 4 warehouses and multiple suppliers which will also work as an ordering system. We went over the spec(112 pages) and I told him that it will be an on going project over a year with an initial dev time of 4-6 months. He just said that he's sold it to them to be delivered for testing in 2 weeks and completed in 4 weeks(they signed the contract) and that I'd best get started. I just closed my laptop and walked out.