All the stupid date functions where the days range from 1 to 31 but the months range from 0 to 11

Adding features to a legacy codebase

Quote of the day

$ git add .
$ git commit -m "This HAS to be online soon"
$ git push
*merge conflict*
*did not look at difference*
*using mine*
$ git commit -m "resolv merge conflict"
$ git push

$ ssh root@x.x.x.x
# git pull
# cd /path/to/webapp
# npm run production

6 char

Most satisfying bug solved: removed windows, installed linux

There are no bugs, only happy little accidents

Thats how it's Done!!!

xD

The inventor of autocorrect has died.

Restaurant in Peace

admin
admin

Girl: "hey"

My Brain:
java.lang.NullPointerException:
at net.brain.functions.Talk.retrieveSpeech(Talk.java:2978)
at net.brain.functions.Talk.createFlirtyResponse(Talk.java:3132)

Me: null

*Girl walks away*

Dear team,

Train people well enough so they can leave

Treat them well enough so they don't want to

Regards,
A member of dev team

1.Run into issue
2.Go to Stack Overflow
3.Think of best way to phrase the question
4.Find solution while editing post
5.Bang head on desk

Dear unknown StackExchange random dude,

You don't know me, I don't know you, but, let's be honest : I came here to get answers, not to get my question fucking edited.

Regards,

Go fuck yourself

Client: I said I wanted that text to be white. We talked about this. You have to do what I tell you.

Me: the text is white. The color code is #ffffff.

Client: well make it more white!

*Sigh*

"Most software today is very much like an Egyptian pyramid with millions of bricks piled on top of each other, with no structural integrity, but just done by brute force and thousands of slaves." - Alan Kay

"A different error message! Finally some progress!"

These usernames we choose though 😀😀😀😀.

Some normal comments become so funny

Does anyone else suddenly lose the ability to type properly as soon as someone is watching/pairing?

"my app is so awesome you don't even have to close it, it crashes itself automatically. "

General advice: If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.

Have you ever wondered we programmers have so many strong communities.... Stackoverflow, devRant, Reditt, etc...
No other profession has such communities... Why? Why?
Because, we haven't built one for them.... 😂😁

Developer: We have a problem.
Manager: Remember, there are no such things as problems, only opportunities.
Developer: Well then, we have a DDoS opportunity.

When a hiring manager wants 5+ years experience in Swift.

Swift release date = June 2, 2014

😂👍🖕

This is gold. This developer has a bold captcha solution.

New dev: I need help with this issue. I've been debugging it all day.

*2 hours later*

Me: spent a while debugging it, eventually came across a stack overflow post that says you can't do that.

New dev: oh I saw that earlier, didn't think it applied.

Me: ... why ... accepted answer "It is not possible to do this, this way".

New dev: hhhmm, ok

... get the fuck out of this building immediately.

After reading a lot of cryptography, I realized that it would be best if Alice and Bob just talk in person

A group of wolves is called a pack.

A group of crows is called a murder.

A group of developers is called a merge conflict.

Client : How much for the project?
Me : $10,000
Client : I will give you $72.

when your code is a mess but everything work out in the end