Honestly idk but that one chapter from mythical man month, "Plan to Throw One Away", stuck with me:

"Where a new system concept or new technology is used, one has to build a system to throw away, for even the best planning is not so omniscient as to get it right the first time."

In my current project I've seen this play out, initial development was very prototype-ish and just not well designed but when we got a somewhat decent state we had to continue with it instead of starting again and doing it properly. And now the consequences of that are hitting, progress for new features is incredibly slow, the software is very error prone, a bunch of dead code all around, ...

Let's make them put a dollar sign in front of every variable name 😈.

Manager: You know you did good this week, take the entire day off tomorrow

Dev: Really?

Manager: Yeah my treat.

Dev: Can you send that to me in an email?

Manager: ….I mean yeah, but I don’t see why that is necessary

*** About halfway through The next day

Manager: WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?! YOU HAVEN’T COMPLETED A SINGLE TICKET TODAY OR REVIEWED A SINGLE PR OR EVEN SO MUCH AS ATTENDED THE STANDUP. EXPLAIN YOURSELF!

Dev: You said I could take the day off today?

Manager: YEAH BUT YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO ACTUALLY TAKE IT OFF!! I WAS GIVING YOU THE OPPORTUNITY TO SHOW DEDICATION TO THE COMPANY BY COMING IN ANYWAY BUT NO YOU THOUGHT YOU’D JUST TAKE ADVANTAGE OF OUR GENEROSITY AND HAVE AN ENTIRE DAY TO YOURSELF?! GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS, THERE ARE URGENT TICKETS ON THE BOARD!

Dev: …

Ask questions during interview.
Ask about trainings - it's usually a good sign when company offers training budget. Ask about specifics - sometimes it's a shared pluralsight account, and nothing else, which means that that had an idea and half assed it into existence.
Ask tech recruiter about overtime, a good sign is when they have no idea or say that it must be budgeted and scheduled - it means that it does not happen often.
Ask if it is possible to select and change projects, and how often it happens - if often, it may be bad low level management, or people learning new things and jumping between projects.
Also make sure to ask about rules for promotions and pay rises. Good company wił have a clear set of rules in place.
All of the above apply to mid to large companies.
For small company, i'm sure it will be different.

Every time I do a dirty fix and someone in my MR comments "have you investigated the root cause" I wanna kill myself.

No bro, I havent investigated the root cause because this ticket is 3 months old and was passed around like a hot potato from team to team until it got assigned to me.

If you want I can add a comment to refactor this in the future. As far as Im concerned any refactors are out of scope, also I atleast came up with some kind of solution that noone else was able to in 3 months. So im not gonna waste my time on refactoring this piece of shit code under immense pressure from management who thinks it was me who dragged this ticket for 3 months.

Its working, it doesnt cause any side effects, we all gonna die soon and nothing really matters, so fuck off.

Colleague started to share their screen

Me: screen is not visible to be

Them: let me just increase the brightness of my monitor

Asked junior to clone a git repo

junior: tried everything it doesn't work

me: show me how you did it

junior: right clicked on the repository, 'Copy link address' then paste it into the terminal

me: put that mouse down right now!

I got assigned approximately 20 tasks, all are high priority.

Coworker got assigned 2 tasks, (“like fix button sizes and padding”, “localisation “)

He completed.

I got questioned: “are you sure you are a senior developer? Are you doing your work at all? If your coworker can finish low priority tasks in a day , why you as a senior can’t? “

Me :”if you have the ability to see , please tell me how many tasks I have that are in high priority.”

“Exactly, I need you to complete it now , I expect more from you as a senior. “

Me: “why not you tell me which tasks are higher priority? Because can’t be all are urgent. If everything is urgent , nothing is urgent.”

“Stop giving excuses, be a team player.”

Me :” how is it making excuses for asking urgencies of the tasks?”

“Hahaha you called yourself a senior. What a joke”

Me:”likewise, you called yourself a Project manager yet can’t manage. What a joke indeed.”

Mac: Hello welcome please sign in

Dev: Fair enough

Mac: Oh you haven’t signed in in awhile please get get verification from other device

Dev: kk

Mac: Oh you don’t have a dev account, please sign in on this website

Dev: Hm.

Mac: In order to sign up for a dev account you need to download this app

Dev: ???

Mac: Are you sure you want to open this app you just downloaded?

Dev: Sigh.

Mac: In order to sign up for a dev account on this app you need to sign into it

Dev: For the love of god

Mac: Ok now you can build with Xcode.

Xcode: No you can’t. You have to sign in

Dev: fuck sakes.

Mac: Are you sure you want Xcode to access files on your computer?

Dev: …Yup

Xcode: Signing in isn’t enough you have to select the fact you are signed in a dropdown nested 3 menus deep.

Dev: God damn.

Xcode: Build failed please sign in to phone as well.

Phone: New sign in detected, please verify with alternative device.

Dev: Jesus.

Xcode: Build success! Pushing to iPhone.

Dev: Finally.

Xcode: Unknown error occurred. Please go to support.apple.com for help. :)

Dev: …

Had QA call my "simple, quick" ticket a "monster ticket" in front of everyone. Hear it and weep, micromanager!

Also had them tell me i thought of everything, it was beautiful, and that i have a knack for frontend :)

So because of the sheer number of interviews I’ve been doing I’m starting to get a bit brazen with them since I’ve started to really not give a fuck about most of them and I’ve started to notice patterns in common lines of questioning resulting in this unexpected gem today:

Interviewer: So we always start our devs off on the bottom end of our salary band.

Dev: Either give me the top or I’m not interested.

Interviewer: 😡. But if we start you at the top of the salary band we’ll have nothing to give you later. 🥺.

Dev: No need, I’ll take the money up front. Companies don’t give raises these days anyway, it’s just a carrot to dangle in front of the naive.

Interviewer: 😡. Well if all you care about is money so focussed on money you’ll just leave if a better offer comes around!

Dev: All the more reason to give me the highest number possible to defend against that possibility.

Interviewer: 😡. But there are other devs on the team with similar experience that will be making less than you.

Dev: Sounds like they fell for the negging and guilt tripping you are currently attempting on me in order to save a buck. Salary is not based on your skills or experience anymore, it’s based on your ability to negotiate. Here’s mine.

Interviewer: ………………. I’ll pass you along to the hiring manager.

Dev: ???? wtf

HOW THE FUCK DID THAT ACTUALLY WORK ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME I WAS TRYING TO GET THEM TO HANG UP FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES AND NOW I’M LOOKING AT A 20K RAISE ALL BECAUSE I CONTINUALLY TOLD THEM TO GO FUCK THEMSELVES??? THIS IS ACTUALLY WHAT IT TAKES TO BE TREATED PROPERLY BY A COMPANY???

Why does it take years to create your personal website when you can write 100s of lines code in a matter of days?

Manager: Why did you clear the data from the database? The client is now specifically requesting it and we don’t have it anymore!

Dev: You told me to.

Manager: Well why did you listen? It’s obvious now that that data was very important and should have been kept!

Dev: Last time you told me to do something that wasn’t a good idea I tried to explain why and told me not to question you ever again and that doing so was “disrespectful” and then threatened to have me fired. So now I just go along with what you say and let you suffer the consequences of not listening.

Manager: Well don’t do that then! It’s obviously not working very well! It’s ok to disagree with me you just have to make sure that what you think is something I agree with!

Dev: …

Tch tch

As we currently see a lot of codeless software platform, in the next 10 years there is gonna be high demand for people to extend these shitty apps into something proper, just like it happened with wordpress. There is a key missunderstanding that writing code and developing an application are the same thing; they are not.
Once you can write code you sure ass aren't a developer, thats a grueling journey until then, and being able to create an application without code exaggerates the problem even further.

I literally create a template of flutter project with state manager (provider) . Other words, I hate setting up a new project in flutter every Fking time. So I created a Cli (written in dart) app that flutter create something something and delete the main.dart and download the templates from my source from GitHub. Like a few folders and files.

Yes...I am this lazy

My Lazy Habits:

1. Not testing my own code thoroughly... cuz fuck that. That's the tester's/QA's job.

2. I create slack commands to get certain things done, so I dont have to get up and open my laptop each time I receive a ticket.

3. Ask more time for development that I actually need so I can fit in couple naps here and there.

4. Falsely claiming that I am busy when someone invites me over meet or a phone call. Like just text me.

5. Factoring my laziness in when I design features LOL.

In an effort to deal with the number of “top priority” tickets, management has come up with a new priority level, “urgent”, to help differentiate between tickets that are “top priority” and tickets that are actually “top priority”.

So as you can guess all tickets are now codified as “urgent”.

I’ve suggested management downgrade some tickets back to merely “top priority” as we’re clearly right back where we started with it being difficult to determine which order to do tickets in.

They’ve ignored my request as the bletherings of a clearly unenlightened peon, and have instead came up with a new priority, “mission critical” which will be reserved for the most hallowed of emerg— oh no wait everything is now “mission critical” who would have guessed?

So “Top priority” is the now lowest priority a ticket can have…Naturally.

Finally getting a raise. 90% salary increase, feels good.
Feels like I can finally start saving for a home and stuff. Too scared of STDs to blow it in hookers so nothing left but investment and savings.
Also messed up and posted as a question.

I am working on my passion project, on my own vacation days because my advisor did not approve it and I can't take no for an answer.
But I had 3 amazing days working with my friend and research partner, full of stupid bugs, moody hardware and a lot of nutella-covered food.
I think I am going to document some of the progress on Twitter, because it supports uploading videos. If anyone is interested in failing robots, I can share the link/handle :)

Interviewer: For this next code challenge you will not be allowed to use the internet, or an IDE.

Dev: …

Interviewer: OR a keyboard OR a mouse. I will be verbalizing the code to you and you need to memorize it and tell me where the bugs are.

Dev: …

Interviewer: We must do this exercise to know how you are as a dev without any performance enhancing “aid”. This way we can understand where you are truly at skill-wise, and what you are truly worth from a compensation perspective.

Dev: …

Dev: If I get a job with you will I be allowed to use the internet and an IDE and a keyboard/mouse?

Interview: Of course you would! Getting anything done without those is just about impossible. We just need to evaluate you without them to see how good you REALLY are.

Dev: …

Existence is mind boggling, wtf are we even doing here 🤯

Tldr : In my country, there is always a middleman .It is so rare to work for end client directly and it is very common to be fuck over by them, because they want milk you out as much as possible

Job description : Salary range from X to Y

Me : I expect 90% of Y $
HR : if you pass technical examination we can agree on this amount.

*Technical interview*
All correct answers, perfect match with stack etc.

HR calling next day:
HR: Great job on interview, but you need to lower your financial expectation to X (around 50% of Y)
Me: Why? We have spoken the other day and you said there would be no problem with the money. I nailed the interview, I don't understand why I should agree to lower wage.
HR: I know I know, but right now we cannot give more. Maybe later
Me: I am sorry, but I feel kinda cheated. For me this is red flag since I don't know what I can expect later if you are not sincere from the beginning. I won't take your offer, goodbye.

Developing pornographic / adult themed apps- would you be willing to do it? If not why, if so why? How does one become a developer for a platform like pornhub?

🦫Me a kid: I hope some day I will earn enough $ to by a cool-ass PC and play games on highest graphics presets

🤡Me an adult: I sure did earn enough $ to afford a cool-ass PC though it is a shame that I cannot find time & energy to play games

Walked into the office in the afternoon, everyone was kinda panicking
Asked what was going on, well, the ticket system is not working anymore, can't put in any new tickets.
So I started to look for the issue as well, checked the system and... The last tickets' IDs were at ~32k. Ha. Looked into the source code and, sure enough, they used a data type with an upper limit of... 32k. So when trying to get a new ticket ID it just crashed and burned.
Quickly changed the data type and stopped the office panic in around half an hour.
Memorable not because of how tough the bug was, but because of the impact and the simplicity of the fix

Same here..

WEB FUCKING THREE

Ok, some of this shit is interesting, let's get that out of the way:

Crypto - great for doing illegal things, great for financial speculation, interesting mathematically. But as likely to replace actual currency as I am to replace the fucking Queen.

NFT - should be written on the headstone of humanity. Entirely fucking useless, planet-roasting bro-wank dressed up as a revolution in...pretending to own shit. The only difference between a Bored Ape owner and my nephew pointing at a castle and insisting that it's his, is that he isn't thousands and thousands of pounds out of pocket by doing so.

Metaverse - AR and VR have been around before this dogshit rebrand, and they'll outlive it.

No, it's not that. It's that we now have a new species of parasite - the "Web3/Metaverse" LinkedIn guru insisting that this shit is even needed, let alone the next big thing.

Web 2.0 was a stupid fucking term alright, but it did represent a new generation of technologies that were badly needed, and adopted by the entire community. Web3 is a bunch of shit that some cunts think they can get rich off, so insist that we need. I wouldn't even give a fuck but I've already spent hours of my life explaining to clients and peers that this is UTTER FUCKING BOLLOCKS, there's no need for a blockchain in your app, there's no need for a blockchain in virtually anything. Yeah if you want some fucking 3d in your app or your page I'm your man, but if you keep saying 'metaverse' I'm going to fill it with easter eggs.

None of this shit was needed before and none of it is needed after. Have you looked at web3 games? It's Steve Buscemi asking 'how do you do, fellow computer games?', it's a fucking gambling app pretending to be something a human would do. Clash of Clans and Candy Crush already cornered the market for that type of fucking mug, right now you're making the Candy Crush business model look responsible and efficient. You CUNTS.

What if I told you..

..the //TODO comment you just added to your code will never get done?