Me: Hi Guys, theres no docs on our custom push notification / deeplinking implementation. I've tried to work backwards from a QA testing doc to add new links. Can someone tell me if this is all ok? It seems to behave a little weird.

Dev: Looks ok, but we've moved to the braze platform for sending notifications. You'll need to trigger braze notifications now. Test that it works ok with that <confluence-link>

*hour later*

Me: I've tried the debugging tool, both with my payload and one of the samples from the link. It displays on the phone, but tapping it doesn't trigger the deeplinking.

Dev: No it works, try one of these <screenshot of samples I used>

*hour later*

Me: Tried it again on the real device to make sure, as well as on develop and master. Not working with those samples or mine.

Dev: No it does. It comes in here in this library <github link to line of code>

Me: ... Nope, debugged it, it doesn't get passed the next 'if' check on the next line as its missing a key/value. The whole function does nothing.

Dev: Oh do you want to send a braze notification?

Me: ..... you told me I had too .... yes I guess.

Dev: ok for a braze notification it works different, send this <entirely different sample no where on the link>

Me: ...... but ..... this is only for braze notifications ..... why .... all the samples have deeplink url's .... but they don't ....... are you ..... FFS!!!!! !@#?!

(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

┌П┐(ಠ_ಠ)

> in da zone, headphones beating, caffeine rushing through my veins, snack-stack at 75%, code and commands flowing like campaign promises, I'm one with the keyboard... I can feel it ~(◉_◉)~

roomie: Hey J! J!
me: ಠ_ಠ I'm kinda busy, what do you want?
roomie: Dude don't forget to pick up bla bla bla
me: Okay
> Headphones back on, feeling the h4ckx0r fire resurge through my gut like a majestic phoenix (not to be confused with taco tuesday gut fire)
roomie: J...J! dude also make sure bla bla bla
me: ಠ╭╮ಠ I know, you don't need to be so specific with me.
> Headphones on...about to hit play again...
roomie: Dude do you happen to know bla bla bla

(ಥ﹏ಥ)
(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

FUCK! just tell me everything at once so I can go back to ignoring you and the irrelevant world around me!

I hate when people do this.

That moment when your password is constantly rejected and you realize that the fucking NUM LOCK IS OFF.
(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻
(⌐■_■)–︻╦╤─ 💻

What is that? Ada uses three spaces for indentation?
(ノꐦಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

Hiring remote
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US only

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

Beginning of the project:
git commit -m "Added index.html, implemented user-creation"

Towards the end of the project:
git commit -m "Idunno, did some stuff or so (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻"

Fuck this code, and fuck you too. I'm going to bed. ☠️

ノಠ益ಠノ彡┻━┻

daily.
me: i looked into the customer dev's project and even though it's C#, i can use it as a source of inspiration for my own C++ library.
PM: okay, maybe we can even still use it, so that you use a C# dll with your C++ code.
me: ...
other colleague: that's a bad idea. it can already be a challenge to use unmanaged c++ in dotnet, but the other way round it's even more difficult. C# and C++ are languages that behave quite differently and it will be hard to implement a correctly working interface.
PM: okay. well... then please analyze this project's complexity in terms of LOC and create a class diagram, so we get an idea of how complex it is.
me: sure.
PM: hmm... maybe we should split this topic. since dev x will also rely on your library, analyze this project together with him, each of you look at another part of the classes.
me: that's.... i think that's a bad idea. implementing this functionality in this library is my job, not of dev X. he won't be involved in implementing any of the funcionalities and for him, it shouldn't matter how this works.
PM: yeah, but since we are prototyping, maybe we should just violate the "separation of concerns" rule.
me (internally): (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

in the end i could convince him to do it my way, but for fuck's sake... when was the last time he actually succesfully implemented something? 🤦‍♀️

How to fucking unscrew this little shit.

I was able to unscrew the rest just fine. But just when I'm down to the last remaining screw, this lone fucker decides to put on a fecken feight.

I already tried everything. I used a screwdriver that fits perfectly. Rotated it for god knows how long. Attached a strong magnet to amplify the screwdriver's magnetic fuckery. Tried unscrewing upside down to add gravitational force. Tried chopsticking the fuck outta it. Slapped the back of it like I slap rice sacks in supermarkets. Ran physics simulations on a supercomputer. Still won't come off.

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

It's just there, looking like it's about to come off with a dip of a magnetic screwdriver but IDK WHY IT WON'T COME OFFKZKKXJZJKZ!!1

You wanna put on a fight? Fine. Resist while you still can. Because once you come off, oh ho... I'm gonna do bad things to you fucker. Imma screw you in your hole till your head spins like crazy. (To screw it back ofc.)

Great, I'm in the zone.
Typing like there's no tommorow.
The logic is flawless, design patterns and exception throwing everywhere
It's going to be gre.... DUN.

OH GOD A BSOD.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.
Breath slowly... Just restart the machine...
PLEASE WAIT WHILE WINDOWS INSTALLS THE UPDATES

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

Email is horrible.

CSS in email is fucked.

People never check their spam filter / who the fuck knows when the spam filter might decide legit shit is spam.

Every other god damn day some new shit comes up.

Today some sort of either antivirus or email filter or spam / malware detecting shit seems to be crawling every fucking link in an email our customer's send to their customer's.

Activating every option such as declining shit or accepting it... well actually ALL THOSE OPTIONS.

End user can't tell of course so I (and others) have to find this out.

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

Me today: Damn it's gonna take forever to find where this issue is, but at least then I'll know.

-me narrows it down to 5 lines-

Tonight me staring at lines: Oh fuck... there's nothing actually 'wrong' here...

Forget it, i'm going to bed.

The marketing department must be run by wild butthurt fucking monkeys... Bloody idiots do you even know the word " controll"?! It's a simple fucking thing instead of wasting fucking 2,5hrs of my time which could been put on.. oh I donno more productive work?!?

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

Fuck sake.. 2 numbers... 2 numbers on almost every fucking article was wrong and you couldn't even check these in the fucking program BEFORE asking me to fix the images for these and upload? No I had to upload everything only to later noticed that you cunts gave the wrong numbers .... Butthurt wienerschnitzel 🖕

That moment when you have to exchange data with another system using XML-Files serval hundred MBs in size instead of a proper REST API (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

Internet is so fucking slow todaaaaay

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻